Beards part 3

Now you might be wondering why I would waste my day off communicating with three losers. I'm not, I'm doing some design work and this just keeps me entertained during the monotony.




Luke Garroway 09 December at 13:14 Report
Attacking? I left 1 comment which was the view of a member of the 70 on the subject being discussed! You have again highlighted the fact your a looser with your massive email and have clearly not taken my advice to be more productive in your use of time. I think an American giving any1 fashion tips is very funny! haha
Love Luke xx

Vikki Miller 09 December at 15:11
As a the newest of the American population I would like to get in touch with my feelings as Americans do. And I would like to bare my testimony that I believe in the fashion sense of Luke Garroway. Luke has opened my eyes to new prospects of clothing in my wardrobe that I never knew I could wear before. And how I feel in them just makes me well up with tears because I am so happy to be in the Church of Luke Garroway of Latter-day Saints. Your teachings inspire me to be a better person and to judge everyone that I know so that they can all feel victimised and made to feel shunned from other members of the church. Your example is astounding.

Thank you for sharing my email with one of your musketeers, the three of you and your inner magic circle of example is an inspiration to me. I'm thinking of starting my own inner cult within the church. Maybe you three can give me advice. Mine is going to be about tank tops and Kevin Bacon, who, again, will be our looser idol. Do you think it will take off and isolate and judge as many people as your own club?

Do you guys have sandwiches cut into triangle when you meet for your club? I used to be in a swimming club, to stay 'loose' and they had sandwiches cut into triangles afterwards.

I would also like to say that out of the '70' comments left on Marcus' profile only you and your band of merry men the musketeers were the ones that left something negative, nasty, and entirely off-putting that would make any non-member think twice about associating with members of the church or even taking discussions. Your inner circle magic club with triangle sandwiches are an amazing example to us all.

I say these things in the name of Luke Garroway. Amen.

Luke Garroway 09 December at 15:26 Report
You r a self rightous blasphemer. :)Love Luke xx

Luke Garroway 09 December at 15:45 Report
I think im falling in love with you btw :P xxx

Vikki Miller 09 December at 08:49
I am so pleased that you think I have done well in being self-righteous, I was following your example, I was trying to be like you (like that primary song, I'm trying to be like Luke Garroway). It makes me so happy to know that I achieved a level of self-righteousness that was noticeable to you and that you approve. Thank you.

As for the blasphemy part you are right, that's something I need to work on. It's like an addiction, it could be because I haven't shaved the hair off my legs in about 2 months that god won't free me from my addiction to blasphemy. I know he likes to punish people with hair growth. That's what you teach isn't it? I sometimes get my churches mixed up. You see, I'm not only in the church of Luke Garroway of Latter-day Saints, I'm also in the Church of Kevin Bacon, the Church of Tom Cruise (which I think is Scientology), the church of Woody Allen (also known as the Jews) and the Protestant church. I was christened when I was a child and my god father gave me a silver spoon. I never used it. I sometimes wonder that if I had used the spoon if it would have given me riches and people could refer to me as a the girl with the silver spoon. I think that almost sounds like a superhero name. Oh that's the other church i'm in The Church of Superman and Wonder woman. That's my favourite because it means I can wear my pants over my tights and i can also wear short skirts, with boots. I also get to fly. Granted I am made to grow a beard and take drugs before 'I fly', but I think it's fine because it's part of their church's teachings, it's almost like the equivalent of the sacrament in the Church of Luke Garroway.

As for your love, I am not inclined at this time to return your love. I'm currently involved with Wonder Woman herself, we got chatting after one of our meetings while eating a triangle shaped sandwiches. Triangle shaped sandwiches are always better, there was tuna in side it. Oddly enough wonder woman likes egg sandwiches. I always wondered who ate egg sandwiches. There you go, Wonder Woman. I imagine that my relationship with her will end pretty soon, she's an attractive lady and it would take a lot to keep her anchored, and given how strong she is she might actually accidently kill me or something. Either way I'll be sure to keep your name in my 'hat of names' for such times that I am looking to pursue another love. It's a fair system, everyone interested goes in a hat, and I pull out a name. Just keep your fingers crossed.








Jack Wilde 09 December at 13:58 Report
hahahahahaha, check the state of that essay u have just wrote.... U must be a such a big looser, probs not married or have kids or a life.... its good u go 2 church though, keep up the good work, and ur obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. Half of the stuff u said is alot of crap.

ohh, 1 more thing..... get a life, just incase it didn't register the first time.

Jack Wilde 09 December at 14:02 Report
HECK:

Vikki Miller 09 December at 04:29 Report
Maybe you can give me some good advice on being productive. You seem to believe that attacking someone about something irrelevant and pathetic is a good way to use my time. Maybe I will follow this pattern.

Therefore I will use my time to shop for V-neck tank tops and over-style my hair.

True story I used to have a tank top, but Jade Goody wore the same one on Big Brother five and I tried to sell it to the press as Jade Goody's tank top. I didn't even wash it so that I could claim it was her sweat. They didn't buy it though because I'm not the same size as Jade Goody and because it wasn't washed I couldn't even claim that it had shrunk because I put it in a 90 degree wash or something.

Thanks for noticing how loose I am as well. I try and do yoga as often as I can, and I swim too, so that keeps my limbs and muscles loose. Although this is the first time I've been called an actual looser. Maybe I should start a club or something, for people that like to let loose, get loose, or that are naturally foot loose. I wonder if I could get Kevin Bacon to come. He filmed footloose in Salt Lake City, that must mean Marcus knows him. I'm sure Marcus can hook me up with Mr Bacon so that he can lead the loosers club. Failing him I will employ someone that loves tank tops as much as you and I do and dress that person up as a slice of bacon and call him Mr Bacon. I think that would do the trick.

Sorted.

hahaha, just ur average essay yeah

Vikki Miller 09 December at 15:01
Ahhh Jack. I'm pleased you got my email. Congratulations on your own marriage and your kids.

I also want to congratulate you on your amazing skills of life, money making, and your PhD degree. You are obviously the master and king of the world. Perhaps your degree is in tool sharpening. Would you like to show me how you sharpen your own tools? I would love to know how to spell loser as looser and I would also love to replace the word you with U.

As for obtaining a life I would also love for you to help me get one of those, how do I get one? Does it mean I have to stop having real friends and defending them when they are blatantly attacked, hurt, and judged on facebook.

I see that one of your trio, may I call you three musketeers, has emailed you my email to them. I would like you to return because it was private property and he has violated copyright terms and conditions. If of course you would like to pay for ownership of that email, then please deposit £143 into my bank of Scotland account. That's where you're from isn't it? Scotland. It's just convenience I have an account there. That fee is actually calculated by the word count, which is 286, (you can count it yourself if you like) times 50 of your new English pence. Which is the current going rate for a copywriter.

I did actually write an essay once. If you would like to read it I can definitely get you a copy. I'd have to charge you for that too, because the Bank of Scotland have put charges on my account and I would like to pay them off, so you understand that I would need to charge you for my literary genius. It's 8495 words. So if you want that essay it will cost you £4247.50. Again fifty pence per word.

Anyway, let me know if you want a copy.

Jack Wilde 09 December at 15:10 Report
U know what, I like you..... ur a good laugh..... and that trio Luke, is my brother....

Jack Wilde 09 December at 15:11 Report
P.s that was another cracker ov an email..... how long does it actually take 2 write that crap anyway

Vikki Miller 09 December at 16:39
Now, I'm kind of new to 'lingo' but when you say brother do you mean brother from another mother or brother as in biological brother. You should get a DNA test if you are unsure. I got a DNA test once to see if I was related to my cat. She treats me like I'm her mother, so I thought I would tell her once and for all that I am not her Mother and that she is adopted. The DNA test finally solved that one, so now she sleeps on the end of my bed, poops in the bath and spews on the floor. You now how teenagers can get in their rebellious stage. I might share the strength of youth with her because i'm sure there are sections in there that discuss honouring your father and mother regardless of being adopted. I'm also sure there's something about not licking yourself and swallowing hair so that you don't throw up on your mother's carpet. Of course she doesn't have a father, so I'm hoping that won't stop her from getting to the celestial kingdom. I'm hoping to be sealed to her as soon as the church allow one parent to be sealed to a child.

As for the amount of time it takes me to write an email you would be surprised. I could give you the quick answer of 5 seconds. I actually hold the world record for fastest typer in the world. It was a nice award. They had a ceremony with sandwiches and wine and they gave me a medal. I gave the wine to my cat though, because that's what responsible parents do, and because she's not baptised yet I figured that would be fine. She's only 4 years old you see, but I think that's actually 28 in human years. But back to the speed, if you were to take into account the time it took me to learn how to type, how to learn punctuation and grammar, and the amount of time to learn love for my friends you would actually discover that it has probably taken 92 years to write one email. The purpose of the email is still the defence of my friend and his beard. So let's stick with 92 years. It's a long time, but I do a lot of things at the same time. Multi-tasking it's called. Writing is definitely a hobby of mine. I think it's definitely interesting the way letters form words. I also like to pretend that I'm dictating messages straight from heaven. That is always a fun game. You might know more about that than me though, given that I'm no where near as righteous as you that you have been given the authority to judge people. I'm kind of pleased that you and I are best friends now, because it means when I die and I am at the judgement seat of God that you will be there to tell God that I'm your brother from another mother (definitely, we could get another DNA to see if we are really brothers) and that I'm good to get into heaven. Because I know you now I feel like I can do anything, if got you as my lawyer. First off I might start growing a beard, from there I will take drugs, and then become a hippy.

Thanks.

Jack Wilde 09 December at 16:40 Report
holy crap.... this will take hours

Jack Wilde 09 December at 16:46 Report
so I got half way down the first paragraph and decided to stop, cause its crap.....
and yeah he is ma real brother

Jack Wilde 09 December at 16:47 Report
accept ma friend request ma besto xxx

Vikki Miller 09 December at 09:04
Jack Jack Jack... can I call you Jack? I'll try and keep this short so I can keep your attention. I didn't realise you were so adverse to reading. When you asked me for an essay earlier I assumed you were fine tuned to the arts and literature, not once did I think that you couldn't read.

I cannot accept your friends request because I have a policy about not allowing negative people to be my friend because they just bring me down. I know that we have 32 mutual friends and that somewhere along the line that must mean that we are friends, but sadly not because yesterday we had 33 mutual friends, but that all changed when you insulted, judged, and berated my super best friend. Actions have consequences. That is the tale. I would tell you a longer tale, one about sewing and reaping, it's not the season for it though. Harvest is autumn. This is Christmas. This is the season for Bob Geldoff and mistletoe and wine.





Immanuel Corbett 09 December at 15:05 Report
You my friend are a complete and utter loser. Now give me peace

Vikki Miller 09 December at 16:29
Now when you say peace do you mean peace on earth, good will towards men? It is the season after all. I would like to remind you though that you started it. Although Marcus has deleted you now so you can no longer access and reference the fact that you did have the first comment.

I do appreciate that you can spell loser, unlike the other two thirds of your musketeer club. I have to highly commend you on that one. I was once called a loser in school, for being a member of church that is, you know how it goes, people fear what they don't understand and what is the minority. Perhaps that's what you are feeling, a fear of beards, a fear of facial hair, — you don't quite understand it yet, so you fear it and mock it, and penalise those who have beards. I understand.

I apologise for taking so long in getting back to you, I was actually constructing a beard from my own hair that I took out the plug hole of my bath, some parts are quite long, and others still have a bit of soap on them but it would do the job. If you would like I can post it to you. I might have to ask that you pay for the postage though, because I usually sell my plug hole hair to homeless people in the street. I told them it's a new form of drug, you wear it on your face and the drugs adsorb into your blood stream through the pores in your face. Of course that's not true, but I make money from it. I won't charge you for the beard though, but I will have to get you to pay the postage so that I can at least cover my rent this month.

Let me know how you want to do the transaction. I take credit cards and money orders.