Death By Watery One-Armed Butterfly Seasoned With The You Tube Finest of The Week.

It's 5:32am and i've still not blogged Zero's birthday. I was doing work from 11 until now. Crazy.

I almost drowned in the swimming pool today, like seriously. To the point that I couldn't breathe, or talk, or get help. Luckily I swim like me so I was able to rescue myself from the pool, but I actually inhaled the water through my mouth and almost choked to death and the lifeguard didn't notice for five minutes. Then I almost cried at the fact at how horrific it had been, but then I just grew a pair, coughed it out, decided I was dying of Pnuemonia and finished the swim.

The stats were going well until that point. Proper work out, then I just half-assed it because my lungs, and throat were still weird. I kept coughing for ages after wards.

here they are the stats:

200m FC
200m FC/BC (25BC, 25FC)
50m FC
50m BC
100 BS
100m One Armed Fly (this is where I choked)
200m FC legs only
100m BS legs only
500m Pyramid with Paddles
100m BS with Paddles
50m Swim down

1650m. In a pitiful 50 minutes. Pah.

I went to see Kate and Ray afterwards and brought them some of my Pecan pie. I seriously need to get those pictures up. They are amazing.

I also found out today that as well as there being an impending X-files movie (I saw the end of the trailer on Friday when I went to see Wanted), Billy Connolly is in it too. AMAZING.


Today's weather was all about the modern leper, filled with tiredness, and with a hint of pneumonia.

I actually came home and turned on the heating and put a hot water bottle on my back where my lung-sticles are. Just in case I die. You will all know my tale.

A tale of two cities.

During the day I always think, 'Man, I need to blog about that.' Then when I am blogging, I forget all the things. I need to be better.

But wait til I tell you this. I was reading the Metro and for the first time I actually felt physically sick at a news article. The last time I felt like that I was watching trainspotting for the first time. But that was fiction, this was real and it happened in Aberdeen. I'm in two minds whether to photograph and show the article. It was horrific.

I love the Metro, but it's all about knife crime, and then Gordon Brown (who is a dictator in my opinion) said he will do whatever it takes, and pass any bill possible to get knives off the street.

Does this sound like the shock and awe tactic? Shock the public and then tell them it's for their own safety when bills are passed in parliament that actually counteract human rights.

It happened in the US after 11th September, and it happened in Burma, China, and everywhere else in the world that there's ever been a disaster, natural or not.

Can I just say that you have to be the rolling stones to get away with the song Emotional Rescue, just the bridge in the middle: I will be your knight in shining armour coming to your emotional rescue, i make you mine I make you mine all mine.

I've also realised that I love singing in my scottish accent. Thank you Frightened Rabbit for helping me see this. I also like songs that use words like la la la, na na na na and that turn a word into a noise like 'that's what I saiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii(d)'



Listen to that and tell me it's not amazing.


Then watch this and tell me you don't still sing that song when you use Magic E.



and then tell me this movie is not going to be amazing PAH HAHAHAHA.



And then tell me what the hell teddy ruxpin's friend is:



I hated Teddy Ruxpin but I spent some time last night or the night before watching tv intros. I hated this. What is that ant thing, it makes me feel sick. That's why I never watched it. I'm insect-ist. Come dream with me tonight? Beat it Teddy Ruxpin and your X in your name.

Then Tell me this wasn't the best cartoon on TV:



And then tell me this wasn't the most mental programme to have kids watch at school to have them learn something. What can we learn from a geordie? haha. For libel reasons I would like to add that I am just joking - there are many things to be learned from a Geordie. I just realised why it was called Geordie racer though. I just thought Geordie was someone's name, not a regional nickname for the residents of said region.



And then tell me this isn't one of the funniest things you've ever seen in your life:



And then tell me that Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't a leg-end:




Watch it or I'll punch your camel.