The Distant Future The Year 3000

I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

I'm also downright amazed at how much rubbish one person can accumulate.

In my mind, in my life, and in the bin next to the cupboard in the kitchen.

The Summer migration is occuring for the most part of my family and I will soon be alone in the house, something I look forward to. I love living alone, well with Zero, but she doesn't count because she's far too furry.

I threw out rubbish today and there was a lot of it, and I'm pretty sure I didn't use that much stuff in the past couple of days. Anyway, that's besides the point. I started gutting my bedroom.

Because i've been living home and away for the past seven years. SEVEN YEARS. I have no place to actually put anything. The bedroom in my Mother's flat/house/council abode is the one I had when I was a child. So there are kids books and toys, and the old family computer in the background. It's a bit of a disaster to tell you the truth.

But mix all that up with the undergrad memorabilia, portfolios and furniture, and then throw some master of design research on top of that and you pretty much get a kitsch-y looking room from the 90s.

That's what i'm living in.

The past few days have been quite strange for me and I've not felt the over-whelming desire to be out of here, out of Glasgow, out of Scotland this strongly before.

I'm not sure what I'm doing or where I'm going. I'm sitting waiting just now. Waiting for Fabrica to get back to me. But if I sincerly had my way, I would just leave and go set up somewhere else.

I have no immediate future in this country, and that saddens me slightly, but I just want to be out there doing something rather than here doing nothing. Because all I do just now is work, come home and eat food. There is no motivation and drive to write, or design my own stuff. But I love working because it gives me purpose and helps pay back my debts (which is still goal number one for this year - no more debt).

But here's another thought of thoughts, what do people look like in their homes.

I can often be found running to the bin along the varanda from my house in pyjamas, or fleece trousers, or baggy baggy jumpers with strange hair accessories (to keep the fringe out my face). I would love to see what people look like in their homes. What old attire they through on. When i'm working from home I don't wear Pyjamas, I put on my old Swimming and Water Polo T-shirt with my Smashing Pumpkins Hoodie. I always tend to have smeared mascara and eye-liner purely because I can't be bothered taking it off until it's bed time, and if i'd had a cheeky wee nap in the interim then it's more than likely all over my face (make up that is, not interim).

I was looking up tickets on ebay for the Olympics. Just checking out the feasibility. I've never felt the desire to be at the Olympics this stongly before. I found totally cheap flights as well, and partially cheap accomodation, and I just think it might be one of those historic events that if I don't go to I might regret. There will be riots and protests and I would love to be there with my camera and moleskine notebook (how cliche) writing it all down and documenting it. I hate that sports and politics must mix, but it seems inevitatble in this case.

And, I don't know if 1. I can wait 4 years until the next, or 2. I can be bothered going to London. It's London. I've been there loads. I'll probably be there again before the summer's out.

So, Beijing 08 might be a possibility. I need to think about it seriously. If I don't go I might go to Barcelona for my birthday. I've always wanted to go to Spain.

At church today, which I slept in for, I spent some time talking to Donna. The Donna, oh the Donna. Which was awesome. Toni leaves for the States tomorrow, and the sun has not been out in days. The sky is so gloomy and miserable I hate it. It makes everything seem so hopeless.

I'm so troubled in my mind just now, and I just keep having crazy dreams. I'm not sure what to do, where to go, or what my options should be or are.

I was thinking about teaching English in Thailand or Japan. Japan would be immense, but i've actually dreamed of the first time I'm in Japan being with a future intended husband. But perhaps I should start listening to sister Lund and start living my life and getting on with things and put men behind me - like I once did. Although the time before was a bit of a detox, I always knew I would get back on them again. This time I should go to the MA clinic and say I am Vikki Miller and I am an Addict. I am an addict.

It's totally true. There should be a clinic for addicts of everything. That would be me. Addicted to E V E R Y THING.

That's why there's a V in the word.

Ramble Ramble.