Sigh

The past few days of late have been mildly depressing. There's no particular thing at fault, I've just been overwhelmed with the strong emotion of saddness. It's totally bizarre.

It all started on Saturday with an email from a guy that I sold my OSX leopard disk to for £75. Apparently it hadn't arrived 9 days after posting it. I decided he was either scamming or the woman in the post office was scamming me.

I replied to his email and I've still heard nothing back, so I hope that means it's arrived or he's waiting.

Anyway.

The day got worse when I was at work. I've been in desperate need of more money, and in order to get more money one needs to work more hours. I had asked months ago for my hours to go up during a contract review thing a few weeks ago. My hours did go up and I thought I had been successful, then, they went back down. After some investigation I discovered they had never gone up officially and the extra hours I was doing were given to me because someone else was on holiday or sick. So, when the managers mentioned another contract review I jumped at the chance.

So, on Saturday one of my managers pulled me aside and asked me if I was leaving in the summer. He continued to clarify that he had 'heard on the grapevine' that I was leaving, and with that in mind couldn't dream of giving me extra hours on a permanent basis because they were permanent hours.

Utterly pissed. At first I wanted to know which colleague had been discussing me, and in all honesty I got really baffled about it, because I'm not that important or drama worthy to be spoken about or talked about.

The mystery was solved the very next day.

Some dude, that used to be in my ward, that isn't in my ward, and that's a little bit odd, was at my ward on Sunday. He subsequently got invited to Patsy's for dinner and I was speaking to him whilst there. I brought up the couple of times I'd seen him in the store and he then sheepishly, and yet confidently said 'Yeah, I might have let the cat out of the bag about you leaving... I was talking to on of your managers about it, and he didn't know anything about it. I didn't know it was a secret.'

SERIOUSLY

SERIOUSLY

SERIOUSLY

ACTUALLY SERIOUSLY

I am so utterly livid. Mad beyond all belief.

I'm actually so mad and angry at this person that it has turned into utter depression and hopelessness.

Really.

The past two shifts i've done at work I've just not had my heart in it at all. I just feel so sad, and so under-rewarded. I have tried to work really hard to have my hours put up. Really really hard. Seriously! I've always done what I've been asked, I go above and beyond with my customer service, and I really do try and get my attachment rate to be perfect. And yet, I go unnoticed once again.

SO MAD. Seriously.

Mad.

I'm so fed up of underachieving and having zero cash. Every pay cheque just keeps the bills at bay and doesn't pay them off.

Everything is just lame just now.

Bad week.

Bad bad bad week.