Red Vines.

Back in Novemeber I decided that I was going to buy Red Vines for one Blair McGarvey (sister missionary). That bag of red vines was consumed by me while I sipped on some Dr Pepper (or Feffer as Jon calls it) and wrote my novel.

Now, I am still chewing on them and now i'm eating them for breakfast, which sucks because I can feel the acid rising. Sugar, carbonation and tomatoes all cause acid to be over produced. You would think, given I ran out of pills, that I would stop being so frivolous with my eating habits. Alas. No. I seem to hate my own body.

After my 'even steven' work out I have a really sore butt muscle today... well two... one on each cheek... but I think I pulled them while doing butterfly. It just encourages me to do more.

Anyway, on my way back to the flat yesterday, after 90 minutes of intense swimming, i stopped to get Bleary's album from slowtrain records. And I love it.

Bleary are my utah local band obsession. I just think there's so much musical talent it's insane. I honestly wish I could give them the recognition they deserve. There's so much pish music in the world just now that it's totally refreshing to hear something so tremendous, with so much thought behind it. Seriously, for a three piece, they make a good sound.

Last night Dane and Amycame up from American Fork and we played Seinfeld scene it – which Jon has wanted to buy and play for weeks, but had previously exercised restraint over buying it. We broke yesterday and went on a target trail to find it. I'm not the competitive type so I really don't mind losing board games and what not, i've been losing so much my entire life at things that it doesn't bother me any more. Sincerly.

Although, we went bowling on Tuesday night with a couple of Jon's work people, and one of their significant others. At the beginning the other girl and I declared our profuse suckiness at bowling. The other girl turned out to be really good, and I was the one sitting with a 50s score while everyone else – honestly – had triple figures. Alas. I actually don't like bowling all that much 1. because I suck at it, but I get that practice makes perfect. 2. I hate that everyone watches me, I don't like that amount of attention. The only thing worse than bowling attention would be to have your birthday at the bowling alley and have someone bring out a cake at the same time as you take a shot then everyone in the entire place would just stare.

Birthday attention terrifies me. I don't like it all being about me. That's why Mary the skills Mills and I started combining out Birthdays into an international holiday called Mary Vikkimas, it technically lasts 2 weeks.

I can't believe that I'm leaving Utah in a couple of days. This is officially the longest I've ever been away from my cat, and my family. It was my November stint, but this is now winning by 6/7 days more. It's been ten weeks and two days since I was home. Kind of crazy. I can tell you, it gets tiring living out of a suitcase. I'm looking forward to the next two months so I can just kick back and live out of drawers. I'm not looking forward to having to find any kind of job, and I'm not looking forward to missing Jon. The 28 days I was without him in december was so hard and so miserable, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it without dying at least 5 times. I'll just have to bury myself in books, violins, cats, work, extra-curricular work, life planning, and friends.

Speaking of friends I will have just over two weeks to see Anoinette before she leaves scotland for good. FOR GOOD. So sad. marriage changes everything, and she will still be my awesome best friend, but we'll be so far apart and she'll be making new friends, and creating a new life (her own, not spawn, but she could be creating spawn... toni spawn called Kilsyth). I'm so excited for her though, and May will be fantastic, to see her and finally meet HER Jonathan. M M M mega. One day we will be old together and senile and we will both be assumed to be nutters because we both talk of Jonathans, and she will administer our medication for us, because she can and she's trained to :)

I just put another red vine in my mouth.

I went to an institute class a couple of weeks ago and the guy made a point of asking what we thought the fruit on the tree of life tasted like. Most people guessed sweet. (the choices were sweet or sour.) his conclusion was that sweet things have a bitter after taste and bitter things a sweet after taste. Therefore, he concluded the good fruit is bitter like a lemon. I can't remember if I blogged about that or not. But meh, i'm saying it again.

Man, I seriously love love love love love bleary. Such a good sound.

If you don't wake up, if you don't go to sleep, then you don't wake up, if you don't go to sleep.





So, this time last year, I was miserable. I had a job, that made me happy. Well I still have the same job, just no work. I was chasing after someone that never wanted me. And I was organising stuff for the YSA institute graduation. I was a hot chocolate drinking, roll and chips eating, cinema goer. It's funny how everything can change in one night, and everything else is forgotten.

Not so much the 'favourite past-times' like cinema, hot chocoalate, and friends. I'm thinking more along the lines of F****baws. Seriously. 12 months. Twelve months. I stressed myself out beyond all reason worrying and thinking and scheming and planning. Then one day, happiness just falls on my lap and everything that strained my brain for 12 months prior just vanished. Not surpressed. Just gone. Because. It. Never. Existed. This is what i've realised. And I apologise to everyone I moaned and talked to about it, because it was all a farcical over analysis of something that didn't really mean anything. However, if I had not been so caught up in it all I would never have been here last May, and I would never have ended up with a car in September, and I would never have stayed long enough in Utah to meet my happiness. Sincerly. If I didn't have that burgundy car I would have left Utah at the end of October right before hallowe'en. Thursday the 23rd actually. I would have been gone. But I stayed for another three weeks. Then I met him 4 days before i was meant to leave again, but I extended one last time, just in case, and the in case was just.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of past things that were detrimental to ones mental health – but without those things I would not be where I am now. And so it's hard to appreciate the pain for the stepping stone it became, when all you want to do is forget that it ever existed or ever hurt. If that makes sense. I suppose that's one of the things life is about – using the pain of the past to construct a more balanced, happier future.

That's what we need to do though. Use our failures of the past to see that they led to the successes of the present and hopefully the future.

Tuesday Stats

I've been fighting off a cold/flu thing for the past week. My immune system is pretty solid because I partake of Astragulus every day, and i've been taking it for almost a year.

so when I get sick i'm still functioning, i just get symptoms one at a time and they don't really hurt or irritate me. Last week I had a headache all week, all week. It was one of those low, dull, niggling, constant ones. Lame.

And this week I have a sore throat. Although I think that's going away today.

Last week I also fell over a number of times and bruised a lot of myself, so I think i had ear ache as well, but on a miniscule scale.

I went swimming yesterday, because it boosts the immune system and makes things happy again – doing exercise that is. I think it also spreads disease and infection to anyone else in the water. Alas. I am a cow.

However, I wasn't really feeling it, so my session was back to normal and I was swimming 2000yds in 55 minutes. I hate not having a meter pool here. Really. That extra meter and a half makes all the difference to my stroke.

Stats

200yds FC
200yds BS
100yds BC
100yds BF

(with flippers)
200yds FC legs
50yds BC legs
50yds BF legs
100yds BS legs

(with paddles)
200yds FC arms
50yds BC arms
50yds BF arms
100yds BS arms

400yds FC arms legs flippers paddles

8x25yds FC/BS 25yds sprint FC.

50yds swim down

Total: 200yds time: 55 minutes.



I then walked to the institute building and bumped into Poulson and he sat with me through the lecture, which was rather interesting, given that a year ago he and I were not friends. Hmmm. Alas. His eyes were as bloodshot as ever. As soon as it ended I walked off, drifted per say. I wasn't going to hang about and boost his ego or something by looking like I wanted to be part of his crew and talk to him and what not.

On my walk to the institute building my hair froze. it was quite spectacular. I tried to take pictures of it, but it didn't really come out too well.



I only had me wee camera with me, but I wish I had had my big one with a tripod there would have been some beautiful shots with a slow shutter speed. Alas. I was on foot and public transport so I was trying to travel as light as possible. Here's a couple of potential shots that would have been better with the Big Canon.







On my way home on the trax there was a random man, that I thought was my friend Matt, but wasn't, and I'm so pleased that I didn't sit next to him and talk to him. But this half Jamaican was taking pictures of random people on the train, and he took like 2 or 3 of me. I didn't care so much. I think if I did that would make me a hypocrit. I have a crap load of pictures of people that I thought looked cool. I'm just a bit more subtle at picture taking than this stoner was.

Anyway, my favourite sign on the trax, and I don't know if i've blogged about this before, but I love it is this one:



Shirt and Shoes is a requirement. Always remember that.

I was wearing my Uggs yesterday and my feet were cosier than a sheep. Well as cosy as a sheep. So I was taking some pictures for a blog that I contribute to called Gypsy Feet, owned by the awesome Laura. None of these really worked out or captured the essence of what I was going for. That and Uggs aren't made for the snow. Contrary to popular belief. They are not water proof, they stain in the snow and wet, and they don't have a good grip. In fact, while walking in these after being in the snow I felt like I was elevated 2cm off the ground. The snow just caked to the bottom, it was weird. I also decided to risk the potential of stainage to get some good golden boot shots in the snow. I'm sad none of them turned out good enough. Maybe I'll go out again today with my big camera. Once I get some work done. :)









Also, if anyone has any freelance design work that needs doing, give me a bell. Vizzle M needs work and money.

xxx

roundabout trust

There's a couple of ways to get onto the 89 Hightway or I15 from where I'm staying in Bountiful. One of them involves a roundabout, but I hate using it. Why? Well I realised yesterday it's because I don't trust American drivers least of all Utah drivers, and roundabouts are all about trust. You trust that the car is going to go where it's indicating to go, and that way the traffic flows and everyone is happy.

I feel a blog coming on...

... I'm working, but I feel a blog coming on.

For starters we need to give the stats for this. I've been swimming twice since i got here, the first time was last saturday in Bountiful in a 25 yard pool, I think I swam about 2000 yard. I can't remember.

But since being afforded the blessing that is Icksen's car I have been able to go swimming up at the steiner centre where I got sunburnt in May. Big it up.

It's mega.

The day wasn't too warm, the sky over cast, the air tolerable. But I decided to risk the outdoor 50m pool. It was amazing. It didn't beat the swim of my life back in May, but that's because when you do something for the first time it's always the best experience.

The stats look like this:

200m Front Crawl
200m Breast Stroke
200m Back stroke
200m Front Crawl Legs only with flippers
100m Back stroke legs only with flippers
100m breast stroke legs only

1000m Front crawl Flippers and Paddles (in 20 minutes)

200m front crawl paddles arms only
200m back stroke paddles arms only
100m breast stroke paddles arms only

100m one armed butterfly with paddles

100 swim down

So, yeah, good swim all in all, I did it all in about 80 minutes. Then I stared to wrinkle. At one point the sun started to think about coming out from behind its grey hiding place, and I prayed so hard that it wouldn't come out and burn me again. It stayed away, then it got really cold.

That was Friday, I also bought a violin on Friday.

I went to rent one from an awesome shop but the guy was scared that I would run off with it, and so he cut me a deal that I would pay for the whole thing and then return it. And when i returned it he would just charge me for the month's rent. Crazy. I've not had the chance to play it yet because it seems a bit rude to bust something that noisy out in someone elses house.

I have every intention of taking it up the mountains and playing it.

Although, that might not be the best idea any more because today after conference the borrowed car wouldn't start. I had to get a jump off a nice man who was my 'angel' for the day. I love mormons.

Conference might have been one of the best experiences of my life. I loved it so much, and it was so overwhelming to sing with so many people. I went to the lion house between sessions... oh how I miss Toni.

At the first session they announced the new plans for a temple in Rome. Well, I was sitting next to some French girls and when it was announced they, me and the majority of the room (which would be a lot of european tourists) all gasped with joy. It was actually amazing. For some reason, thinking about the Rome temple makes me teary eyed as well. Oh Europe, how you deserve more temples. It's just nice to see the reality that the church does care about the rest of the world, because sometimes it just seems so dire.

The second session I was sitting next to a Japanese girl and an Austrialian woman, but it was totally hard to hear the speakers, there's always coughing or fidgetting, or whispering or the dull murmur of headsets sitting on the ears of foregin language speakers.

yeah, so one of the talks was about angels walking among us, and angels appearing to us etc etc. But I liked the fact that he mentioned real people, with the light of Christ actually being Angels. Like my saving man that helped me jump start the car.

Also, note to self.. don't go snooping, you might find things that just raise questions.

I got really wet hanging about after conference, there was just such a nice atmosphere, because there was a counter protest of young men singing hymns. This was my first brush with anti-mormons. I really don't get how anyone can profess to be christian and still attempt to upset other people. Really, who would go to that much trouble. It was the protesters children I felt sorry for. A little boy standing next to a man in a devil's mask shouting things he doesn't even understand. Why? To make his father proud. That's not a good upbringing or a fair thing to do to a child. Yes I am being judgemental, but I think it's fair. Although, I would take my kids to an anti-war demonstration, but that's different because it's not directly offending any one group of people.

I love mormons and I can't wait for tomorrow's sessions. Here's hoping I make it on time :)

Sizzle Lizzle Citizzle.

There wasn't much time to discuss or mention this before I boosted. I found myself on an adventure out of the UK and I had six days to get my stuff in order and go.

I am now here, back in Salt Lake City. I swear I thought I wouldn't be back here for a very long time, but as fate, or rather divine intervention, would have it, I am back. For what purpose I know not, and as the story goes, I'm not going to try and work it out I just need to take it all for face value, play it all by ear and go with the flow. That's the Vikki philosophy. 'Go With The Flow.'

I've been here for 24 hours now, my bag for even less time, and I'm just so tired. Number 1 regret in life, allowing myself to get glandular fever.

Today was spent hanging about Maddie Miller's Mum's house in Bountiful, running random errands in Bountiful and Centreville, napping, going to Wal Mart in Centreville (which was strange, because the last time I was there it was under very different circumstances), bonding with the one cat in the house (there are seven dogs, and one cat), and watching Mock The Week on YouTube. Thank you people on YouTube that are so nice and diligent in adding programmes so quickly.

The travelling was alright. I thought I was going to die at passport control. It was so hot, the queue was so long, there was a Von Trap family of nine people in front of me, I was so scared, Maddie had taken both dogs through the US queue which had 0 people in it. I was actually thinking I was going to die. I kid you not.

I got through alright, and the man didn't really question anything. But as I walked away he called me back and my blood ran cold.

He then asked for my right index finger again, and then, in a curious voice, asked if I was Vikki Miller. When I said I was, he looked at me, then at his screen and then proceeded to say, Okay you're all set.

I seriously thought that something had come up on his screen, alarm bells flashing or something, red flags. I made it thought. Thank goodness.

Then we got to Salt Lake and I almost died from the heat. It's so hot. When I packed my bag it was cold outside and over cast in Glasgow. I forgot it would be A LOT warmer here. Nevermind. I'm moreso gutted that I didn't bring my lesbian sandals.

I'm stuck in a predicament though. Again with no transport I can't really go anywhere or do anything. I'm in Bountiful just now, but I was planning on shifting down to Taylorsville in a couple of days, back with Maggie and Dave. But really I would much rather just be back with Otto near the city centre. If only he had wireless it would be spiffy.

Ahhhh. I'm so undecided about everything and trying not to offend anyone.

I should probably try and sleep again or something. Or maybe do the work that needs done. I just feel so uninspired just now.

Oh I just have one more thing to comment. Aeroplanes are like miniature prisons. There are prime times to go to the toilet. If you're in a window seat you're screwed, because you have to wait for the other people to finish eating, drinking and using their tray tables. If you need to toilet while there is food and drinks being handed out or eaten then you will find yourself trapped in the aisle behind the carts or trapped in your seat by a barricade of badly designed tray tables, and semi-cooked food that only smells and is appealing because you are so hungry you are considering gnawing your way out of the temporary prison.

Anyway... i also think that families shouldn't be allowed to travel in 9s. That's taking the piss. NINE people in the queue in front, but because they are one family they only count as one? How does THAT make any sense whatsoever, it still takes the same amount of time.

But I honestly think that although it was torturous to be behind them that I was meant to be in that queue, because the guy was so laid back, he didn't ask when I was in the states last and when he asked how long I was staying and I just skirted around the issue he still let me in. What a breath of fresh air in comparison to Carlos or whatever that dude's name was. Thank you Wang. Yes, his name was Wang.

Time to do something else.

The Death of a Bracelet and other updates, thoughts, and observations.

So, my internet is currently broken and I can’t be bothered spending hours trying to fix it, so I hope it fixes itself for the weekend.

Something tragic has happened (other than the internet not working and me having to type this in word – I have to vent somehow) I glanced at my wrist about 15 minutes ago and felt there was something not quite right, so I kept looking and realised that the green, white, black and purple bracelet is gone. GONE. What’s that about. I had it at graduation, that’s a fact. I have NEVER lost a bracelet without noticing. I ALWAYS notice, I ALWAYS find them. So I’m still holding out hope that I might be able to find it. Even if it means swimming to the bottom of that skanky pool and fishing the beads out one by one. That’s where I’m assuming I lost it, at the pool tonight.

Here are the stats. Quite pitiful if you ask me, but here we go:

1450m in 50 minutes

200m Front Crawl
100m Breast Stroke
100m Back Stroke
200m Front Crawl legs
100m Breast Stroke Legs
100m Back Crawl Legs

With Paddles
200m Front Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl

Without Paddles
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl

50m Swim Down.

It was Amie’s third birthday today, so I swung by the scout hall to give her birthday hugs and to scran her birthday cake – Thomas the Tank Engine. I AM SO PLEASED. It reminded me of this little plastic cup I used to have that I would drink my warm milk out of every night before bed. I loved that cup. It was one of the things that never made it out of the house on the day my mum broke in to get our stuff. That’s another story for another day though.

I must look on ebay and see if I can’t find one, like I found My Little Pony ear muffs like I used to wear.

I then came home, cooked dinner, watched some still game (which made me laugh erratically), then played some violin before embarking on the small amount of work that needed done before tomorrow, only I can’t do it because I need to convert a font from True Type to Postscript, but I can’t because I don’t know how to and only the internet can tell me. LAME.

Anyway.

I laughed so much at still game. There was this one part where Jack and Victor went to see their friend who’s wife had just died and he had been pissing in a pot under the bed because going into the bathroom reminded him of his wife too much. Jack and Victor were asked to take the pot out from under the bed because their other friend had burnt his hand and couldn’t lift it. So they both made a farce out of trying to get it, and trying to pretend the other couldn’t reach it so they wouldn’t have to do it. When it was finally taken out from under the bed – it was gross and cloudy – Victor took an empty pot and pretended to empty it onto Jack, which was funny enough. But then when Victor lifted the actual pee pot he tripped on the carpet and actually emptied it all over Jack and I could not stop laughing, out loud. It scared me a little. Because a laugh is a sign to another human being that everything is alright, there are no other humans, and I was laughing out loud on my own. I think I’m starting to go mental. Or maybe it really was that funny.

So, I’ve realised that I am doing an ‘Earl’, from My Name is Earl. However, rather than correcting all the things I have done wrong to people I am correcting all the things I should have done or shouldn’t have given up on. Hence the violin and the desire to skateboard. So the list so far, in the past few years is this:

Strong, fast swimmer (I always wanted to swim in the Olympics ALWAYS – still do)

Competent violin player, possibly able to play in a band like Andrew Bird, Jens Lekman, Caribou, Iron and Wine and, I think, Cocorosie too.

Skateboarder like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future

Write a fiction book.

Write a non-fiction book.


An animator

Photography

Cyclist

Runner

A vampire slayer

A drummer (a guitarist, bassist and general rock star)

A graffiti artist

A punk in the seventies

A girl

A non-girl

Now I’m just being crazy and silly.

A make up artist

A model

An actress



Anyway, I’m getting silly with these. But the first ones are real.

I was looking at some girls today in the swimming pool, and I realised I cannot compete. I can’t ever compete with the girls who wear bikinis for no reason other than to be looked at. I can’t do that – ever. And one of the things I didn’t like about Salt Lake is that there were a lot of girls like that. They would be the most modestly dressed on a Sunday, but given half the chance – Hallowe’en, sitting by the pool, swimming, hot tubing, hiking, being in the sun in general, pool parties, and everything else that would involve group hanging and being outside – they would be in short skirts, bikinis, short shorts, tank tops, spaghetti strap tops etc etc, and I just can’t do that any more. That was my life for a while, but no more. And the excuse of being on holiday, or it being too hot is just rubbish, for me anyway. I used to like the attention I got, and the staring from boys when I did dress immodestly. But, I am so over it, I am so done with it, and if that means I have no sniff at competing then screw it. Screw it all. Fact.

The internet is working again, and I managed to find a video clip of the Still Game Scene.

SERIOUSLY… You have to watch it.




I think more than anything that’s what’s still upsetting my about Utah. It’s the fact that I was unnecessarily and un-wanting-ly entered into a competition that I didn’t know how to handle. It is a fact and widely known fact that citizens of the United Kingdom date differently from those in the United States, not to mention the residents of Utah. So, I was left confused when I felt like I was shoved into some kind of competition for attention. It was so odd, and the kind of thing that I will write an essay on if I ever work out the dynamics of what actually happened. I tell you this though, I might have found the reason there’s so much depression and medicated depression in the US, it’s because during the dating process no one actually knows where they stand and they end up getting anxious and try too hard.

That’s my problem, when I’m faced with competition I become too obsessed with being perfect that I forget to just be normal. It steals my confidence and I just have no idea how to behave, or what to say, because I start to care too much. Care too much about what the person thinks, and what everyone else thinks. In my natural environment I couldn’t care less what people think, but this Utah adventure I was so self-conscious, and I attribute that purely and solely to the fact that without realising it I was competing with everyone in the state. Every single female. And I didn’t like it. I don’t think my adventure with Utah is over yet. I’ve still not written an single essay about that place, but I need to. I think that’s one of my definite angles. To start talking and writing about religion as a solution to problems rather than the cause of problems. I’m not sure though. Where better to start that a state that’s technically a colony of religion. Ha.

So, here I do my make up on the train, let my hair dry by itself and never straighten it. When in Utah I have to do my make up, pluck the brows, straighten the hair and take about an hour to get ready. Here, I’m out the door in 15 minutes, sometimes less. It’s impressive sometimes. In that time I fill my Nalgene, pack my bags, feed the cat and get dressed (obviously), while grabbing breakfast and lunch.

Because this is word, still, there is no end to the writing. I’m just going to keep going. So I should really call it a night.

At lunch time today, I went to borders, picked up a copy of New Moon, and started reading it in Starbucks with a grande hot chocolate with whipped cream. More than anywhere else in Glasgow, I think Borders Starbucks is my favourite place to be; to sit.

I love it. When my lunch time had well expired I bought the book and went back to work. Now, I am not so happy that I started to read it. The last one ended so nicely, and now it’s just drama. It’s almost like watching Dawson’s creek again, Joey and Dawson, are they together or are they not.

Anyway – have I yet expressed my great happiness at the fact that Katie Holmes is NOT in the new Batman movie. How much do I want to see that movie. Maggie Gyllenhall will be so much better because 1. She’s not irritating, and 2. She can speak out of her whole mouth and not just the side, and 3. she was never in dawson’s creek.

Pah Ha.

It’s well past bedtime and I am shattered. No nap today. Here’s hoping I get a sleeping pattern back soon.