Knocked up (the song)

No matter what you say I will deny it.

I do not like the Kings of Leon.

But.

I like the beginning of this song. And only the beginning.





I've started being the phone answerer at Apple. There are definitely some interesting phone calls. Definitely more amusing than the people that come in from the street.

I wish I could tell you all the stories. Sigh. Maybe I should write them and once I stop working for apple publish the crazy. :)



The image above was just emailed to me.

The Mormons is officially for sale and in the BYU book shop. I have no idea where else it is for sale. But it's kind of exciting. I designed that. Mark's work is actually really impressive, and I'm pleased I got to work on something so large scale and have complete creative control. It was a long but amazing experience.

I bought a new toothbrush today. I didn't realise how worn down my old one was until I used the new one. It still looked in good shape. My teeth feel especially clean now.

I got my visa interview date. June 7th. So I'm mucho excited about that. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Or rather, a tiny opening in the soil of a huge avalanche of horrid.

I also have to go to London for a medical where I will be poked and proded and x-rayed and charged £190. Lame.

Getting to America is a tough business.

I have the next three days off work, so I might start packing, just for the crack. Start a priority box list of things I really need, things that can get shipped at a later date, and things I don't need at all but I like to know that I own them still. :)

In all honesty I'm sure I don't need the grand majority of my stuff.

I wish I had an iPad for my journeys to london. Hmmm

Last Night's dream.

This one was pretty wicked and it happened this morning.

It was all about Jon and I... which makes it the best dream ever.

We were together but not married yet and I as living in the states. I know this because all the cars I saw were left hand drive. That's how clever my dream brain is.

We were moving stuff, from one house to another, and I was sitting outside in the sun next to a van and I was asking Jon all these questions. And I had one burning question that I wanted to ask but couldn't find the right time. And then it just came out, the question was 'When were you married to Laura?' (Yes, indeed I made up a whole marriage of Jon's and questioned him about it.) He informed me it was when he was 20 and 22 minutes old. And then the dream moved on rapidly from there, I didn't wait for the rest of the story about Laura?

So then we were at the other house we were moving stuff into and we were actually merging cool kids with less cool kids. Jon was the cool popular kid with loads of cool popular friends, and I was the loser kid. So we were moving into the uncool kid house, and bringing a couple of the cool kids with us too. It was something not unlike a frat house.

Jon then had an errand to run and he brought me with me. He was taking 4 of his very tall and very gorgeous model friends to a pageant, when we got there, I hoped out and told Jon there was no point cramming the 4 girls in the back seat and I would just not go and walk home from there. He was fine with that.

The 4 girls were standing on the pavement and another car pulled up driven by an older Father man and it had a totally unpopular girl in the passenger seat. The cool girls stood and looked at the unpopular girl and were like 'make sure she has seen each of you look at her.' Then they turned to Jon and told him that that was called 'going to the pageant with someone.' As in, they were all going together but they had purposefully made sure there was not enough space in one car, and then tried to make this random girl feel better by letting her stop outside their house and calling it 'going together'.

I'm totally explaining it incorrectly, but when I saw it in my dream I thought it was the funniest thing and realised how amazingly funny I am in my head. HA.

The four girls all jammed in the back of Jon's car, and the boys that lived with the girls came out the house and were picking on this chunky looking glaikit guy with glasses.

I can't remember what they were saying, but it was funny... I'll explain in a minute.

So the galmour hot girls were in the back and I told them I wasn't coming so they could use the front and they were totally like 'aww you're so sweet.' At the same time as they were totally attempting to manipulate my awesome Jon man... anyway. The boys in the background came back out their house and started throwing pancakes at the glaikit kid, and every pancake, no matter how badly thrown, bounced off this guy's head with the most amazing comedy noise and over-exaggerated bounce. And they were saying to him 'Someone that tosses pancakes on their head is a tosser.' And he was like, really, is that the real definition. :)

The earlier insult on the same dude was of a similar nature, where there was a word he wanted to know the meaning of and they were telling him something half true, and 'acting' it out at the same time. I wish I could remember, because it was funny in a totally bizarre way.

It just brought me back to being in high school and someone would be like 'You don't know what a (insert random word here) is.' and I'd be like, 'yeah i do.' and they'd be like 'well, tell me what it is in.' and then i'd say 'i'm not telling you because you don't know.' It was awesome and very very mature.

Of course as it was happening it was very much not awesome.

Anyway... that's my random dream. I liked that I was with Jon, so that was the best bit. yes.

Dreams

Sometimes my dreams freak me out.

Other times they're just weird.

Since getting engaged periodically I'll have 'wedding/marriage dreams' where the entire premise of the dream is that I'm due to get married that day, or the following day to someone I either don't know, that is of the same gender, that I don't like (physically or their personality — my dreams are that developed).

When I wake up, started and confused, and forced so that the distressing dream ends, it takes my brain a couple of seconds to kick back into reality mode, and I remember whom I am engaged to, and I get so unbelievably happy that it is someone I love and know and who loves and knows me back. It makes me smile, and I always return to the dream land to lay the record straight.

Happy. I <3<3<3 Jon.

H H H Holga

So, I took my holga to Ireland with me and it was supposed to be my first proper introduction into the world of Lomography. I didn't take all 16 shots that I was allowed to take, and when I got home I photographed some wedding things that I had lying around the house.

I got the prints back today and was most disappointed.

The crazy effects and deep colours that i've seen so much of on the internet of other people's Holga awesomeness was not what I was seeing. I got 10 images back from 16. 6 of them were lost. The actual frame exposed too brightly. I think this must have been because of the flash I had elected to use at the time. I have no idea. It's odd though because there's not even a shadow on the negative. yes negative. How 1990s is that. Negatives. haha.

Anyway. Of the 10 images I took, I can show you 8 because 2 of them involve my wedding dress. :)


















After seeing them onscreen they don't look as terrible as they do in print.

Pigg

This morning is particularly sunny outside. I like it.

I also entered phase two of operation cream cat and located my Nazi Landlord's Son on facebook. Crazy.

It's 11:11.

I have 15 minutes to get my make up on my face and be awesome and out the door.

I have been listening to this song quite a lot this morning:



Don't watch the video, it makes one feel slightly sick, just the actual song is pretty wicked.

Scew Up

Gosh, I'm actually the world's number 1 screw up.

In some kind of weird sordid twist of fate the Urban Outfitters order has managed to get shipped to the Nazi landlord's address in Salt Lake City.

I swear I changed the address, I KNOW I did because it's saved in my account under addresses, somwhere though, along the purchasing line, it reselected my default address, and off it goes. I think i've pissed off the 11's.

That's the address that I lived at that was 1111E 100S I loved that flat.

Anyway... there's no way I'm going to get it ever now. What a freakin' waste of money. Unless Otto my awesome Nazi keeps it for me for months, or he sends it back. I have no idea. Urban Outfitters told me to track it and then hope it gets returned, or it's my responsibility to go get it. Nice.. the $1000 cardigan... that's how much it costs to go pick it up. Bah.

Sigh.

Nothing can ever be simple.

I just did that thing where i check my bank balance and now I'm depressed enough that I think I might go to bed and wish that a month would pass and I wouldn't notice. Sometimes I fantasise at the thought of slipping into a coma and waking up on wedding day in the US with everything done. I'm sick of waiting, and I am so fed up with interest rates on credit cards. Scum of the earth.

I'm not sick of Zero though, she annoys me, but I don't hate her, she's sitting beside me looking like an ocean liner. I love when she sits like that... boat cat.

Need an iPad

I forgot to say how much I actually need an iPad now, I didn't realise I had a need of one until I saw this video:



How else will Zero be happy and entertained if not with the iPad. I need one for her. I mean her feet come equipped with her very own pads for use on the iPad.

Wed nescessary day

The title has nothing to do with this post, other than today is Wednesday.

It's my day off... yay!

I went to the doctors.

I went swimming.

I ate food.

I fell asleep.

I liked looking at the sun and stupidly didn't go outside to play in it. I did intend to, but I didn't know what to do once I got outside. :)

And today I have listened to this song loads:




There's something about it that just reminds me of being young and summery and pleased.

Not that I'm not any of those things now, I am very pleased, and on random occasions in the past couple of days if I pick the correct Jon memory or 'thing Jon has said' I uncontrollably grin like a crazy person and I like it. I love that boy.


Last year while in Utah I bought my brother a pair of jeans. Brother of mine didn't want them, and I happened to be going back to Utah 2 months after the fact. So I kept them brought them back and I was given store credit. I thought I would have been married and happy, and back in the US by now so didn't think much of using my store credit before it expired, but I remembered about it the other night and started to investigate if I could use it on the online store and have the stuff shipped to Jon. Of course, once you start looking for stuff on the Urban Outfitters website there's more than one thing within the budget that you want to buy.

So I've ended up getting two awesome things.



Okay, okay, I know, everyone's into Alice in Wonderland and everyone has T-shirts expressing that just now, but this one is awesome. take away the Alice part and what do you have? What do you have the biggest happiest craziest cat grin ever. I like it.



This actually excites me to no end. Peter Pan collars have become my obsession and I have been hunting high and low for months for a bolero with a peter pan collar for the weddingness, eventually I gave up and decided it would have to be made.

Seeing this though, makes me so excited, there's just something so awesome about it. I had the choice between cream of grey and I opted for the cream because I figured it was time to shake up my colour scheme a bit haha... grey is a good colour, but cream will be interesting to work with.... very hipster :) Tee heee.

So, I had two phone calls to make today. And I didn't do either one and avoided them by falling asleep until now. One was of a medical appointment nature and the other was to the US embassy to see what's going down and if they've received my nonsense letters to them. It's been a long time and nothing. It makes me stressed.

I really just want to be living Happily Ever After ASAP, and weddings and visas and immigrations are just getting in the way of that. Bah. Too long is too long. Had I known that it would take them this long to give me an interview date I would have totally applied for one in January instantly after getting the letter and then getting the stuff ready. I think some kind of processing complaint will be made about the UK embassy (Once I have my visa and I'm safe in the USA of course).


Okay, so let's do what we're all here to see.


STATS

200m FC
100m BS
50m BC
50m BF

100m FC Kick
25m BF Kick
25m BC Kick
50m BS Kick

100 FC arms
25m BF arms
25m BC Arms
50m BS Arms

8x 50m — 25m FC sprint, 25m breaststroke

200m FC (Flippers and stuff)

200m FC

25m Butterfly

75m swim down.

Total 2100m 1hr

The Lack of Fighting aka Apathy

Once upon a time in my youth I lived with a girl that I classed as my family. I lived with three girls, that I classed as my family. The girl we are talking about today was the one I ended up spending the most time with. We always spent weekends together, and Sunday's (after I'd been at church) I'd rush back to our flat and watch the OC with her on her giant bed.

I'm going to go as far as emotional as saying that the feelings I had for her and all my flatmates (the Masters' flatmate included), is love. I loved her. (not in a lesbian way Jon.)

The other character we're going to introduce today is boy R.

Boy R was in my design class, we had a lot of common interests, mainly graphic design and music.

He was cool.

I was trying to be cool.

Let's go back a year to when I had the biggest crush on Boy C. He turned out to be my first kiss. :)

After first kiss Boy C and I didn't really have much chat. I still adored the ground he walked on and stalked him like a crazy.

One day a non-flatmate-friend let me know that she'd kissed him that weekend.

I was hurt.

Months later.

Flatmate awesome (the girl in question) kissed him. They almost had a thing. She always had a way with guys. I was saddened, but not as sad as before. I'd gotten over him a little and moved onto Boy R (the one in my design class).

Anyway.

Long story short.

Flatmate Awesome and Boy R hooked up.

They stayed apart, and right before we left uni they got together on a permanent basis. This story isn't about me or my anguish and paranoia, it's about my Awesome.

Anyway.

They were together right up until last Christmas/winter time.

That would be 4.5 years.

That's a long time.

They were living together.

From the story she told me they just drifted apart a little. They would do their own thing and give each other social space, to the point that they did nothing together. They were like flatmates, sleeping in the same bed.

Flatmate Awesome presented this issues to Boy R and he said 'Okay, well do you want me to move out?'

And so he moved out, and that was that.

Her own words weeks later to me were 'I was mostly upset that he didn't fight for me.'

My question and thought is at what point does a loving, happy, perfect relationship, whether married or co-habiting, turn into something apathetic and draining. So that when it does come down to the ultimatum of break up or actually try a little harder, that the former option is just the favourite without any hesitation of thought.

It terrifies me a little that something could happen like that. That when trying to fix what you want and what you think is worth fixing actually turns into an apathetic escape.

The saddest part. Is that because of everything the relationship between Flatmate Awesome and I was seriously damaged, and it's not been repaired. Perhaps it's another victim of apathy. Putting all important chats off until the point that it's too late and it's just easier to not mention anything serious when we are in each other's company.

I think sometimes I get sad because I know she's still sad about it, I know she still agonises over him. Well, at least I suspect she does, and he just continues to be very hurtful with his lack of interest in her feelings or needs.

Which brings me to an entirely other point. I hate to make generalisations, but men have a tendency to ignore emotional confrontation. If a girl comes clean, tells the truth and spreads her emotion all over the ether like chocolate spread on toast (runny, messy, but slightly delicious) the situation is skirted over, and that all important closure, laced with emotional honesty just never gets given to the girl.

Somewhere along the line when girls got their voice, men never got their ears or their caring. And the more an emotional chocolate spread smear in the form of texts, phone calls, emails or anything like it happens, the less response the girl gets resulting in the girl continuing her emotional spread and eventually being branded a psycho. emotional honesty is not just not lying when asked questions. It's being open and admit something is awry.

Anyway. Boy R is an arse, and I feel sick thinking I ever once obsessed over him. I can't believe how disgusting in personality he turned out to be. I love Flatmate Awesome and I hate that she was hurt and saddened by someone that she trusted.

Those were my thoughts for today. I don't know where they came from. They just appeared.

Things I learned from MTV

Tonight I watched MTV's Teen Mom, I was channel flicking after how I met your mother. How did I meet your mother? I don't know.

Well, on Teen Mom there aren't very many lessons to learn other than don't have kids when you're still in high school and sixteen and expect to play happy families with the guy you got pregnant with.

The other lesson I learned today was to let go of alternative realities.

There's this one girl that gave her kid up for adoption and she agonises over it every episode. This week she went on a 'birth mother' retreat, and she learned and she grew. They did this one exercise that involved writing the thing that she thought about most on a piece of paper and burning it.

Her thing was 'What if I could have done it.' as in, what if she could have kept the baby and been an awesome mother and done it.

It was something she had to let go of, and I realised it was a good lesson in life. All too much do we look at our own lives and how we got to this point then wonder what could have happened if a different choice had been made a pivotal moment, or if someone else made that choice by the situation never being presented.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I never quit good creative and did masters, or if I never even got the job at good, or if I'd decided to go to LA rather than Salt Lake City after Masters, or if Delta let Maddy Miller take two dogs on the plane and she didn't need me at all.

I don't look at these moments and get terrified, I sometimes look and wonder who I would have been or what I would have become, or what other choices I would have been presented with.

I think the best thing though is be happy with the decisions that were made at the time. The decisions I have made in my life were for my happiness and the best decision I could have made at that time based on all the input and evidence surrounding the choice.

I think the eternal divine intervention perspective is to be happy that the choices we made will work out and lead us to the path that will make us the happiest in the long run regardless of all the pain and hurt and mental torment we go through to get there.

I also think the key is to never regret a choice. Agonising over a decision that was once made will only cause the current path to be negative and miserable. Because the grass is always greener. We have no idea how a certain choice would have worked out, but we imagine it to be sunny and happy and delightful, but we don't know that for sure.

Don't regret, and don't look back with negativity towards the present. Things happen, that's life, it's how we move on, and use the hurt we once felt and make it into something positive that makes all of our choices the right ones.

And, you know what, if you do believe you've made an incorrect choice, you still have a choice to change it. Fact.