Christ Mas

Seven Swans a Swimming

Sometimes, when I feel sad, or tired, or exasperated I look at photos on etsy of my wedding dress. They always please me.

Today was the second anniversary of me being married to Kayleigh on facebook. Last year she sent me an anniversary card, if I was a good facebook wife friend I would have sent her something this year. If I was a good wife friend I would have sent her something for christmas as well. Instead I am a bad wife friend and haven't. I will do it though. I wish I didn't get paid in air, it would make everything a lot easier. I wish I had won the lottery on my birthday with the lottery ticket Kayleigh gave me, then I could have gone to Salt Lake and seen her for five minutes and bought her anniversary dinner. So many buts, and the plain truth is that I'm a bad friend.

In other news though, I managed to get into ANOTHER facebook fight today. Where are people coming from with their lamness. This is in no way as entertaining as the last beard fight, this is actually kind of messed up, and I think I say a bad word in the transcript. Bad person, bad friend. That's me. Maybe the P word isn't a bad word in America, thus making it okay, because Jesus is American after all. Right? That's what mormons believe, yeah?








I actually served an American woman today in apple. Americans in apple are starting to become common. I gave her some visa chat and she then said 'are you moving to Salt Lake?' and I was totally taken aback, but then she admitted to seeing my CTR and she informed me she had lived in Salt Lake for 13 years and that she loved it. I agreed. I know I moan sometimes about it, but it's still kind of awesome, and the public transport system isn't completely heinous, just as long as you want to stick to some main parts of town.

Anyway, it took me a while to work out that she herself was a mormon, she wasn't clear on that from the start. She told me of her current marriage, and mentioned her first marriage, and then she gasped and covered her mouth and said 'Oh I shouldn't talk about that,' I think I gave her a funny look and then attempted to calm her fears and inform her that I was no judging her. She then proceeded to tell me how funny she thought it was that she was still sealed to her previous husband, and he was married to someone else, and also that she was married to a non-member and that she always jokes to both her ex husband and current husband about how she will be another wife to her first husband... at this point it got slightly awkward because it was a little strange. Apparently her and her ex husband have an amazing relationship still, so she's quite happy to still be templey married to him. I think I changed the subject by saying something like 'that's what's awesome about being a mormon — we can laugh at ourselves.' But I don't think that's what she was going for with her story.

Nothing else crazy eventful happened today, my train was late, and then they turned it into an express train and it missed three stops and I got to work on time. Amazing. I've never had that happen before, kind of crazy.

I also watched the end of Boyfriend For Christmas again on Christmas 24.... i love that movie, it's so lame, but it's amazing at the same time.

I watched some Dead Like Me, I rested my eyes, I watched the end of another lame Christmas 24 movie, I watched the end of beetlejuice and I watched the very end of jonathan Ross and he had three priests singing Silent Night at the end, it was A MAZE ING.

And that pretty much sums up Friday I think.

I definitely need to blog smog more. Definitely.

I also found out today I can get a large discount off iPods. I wish I had money so I could use these discounts. I mean, I love LOVE my old ipod, but for the third time this week I've had to frantically rub the back of it where the battery is because it's cold. And when it's cold it doesn't recognise the charge in the battery, so I have to warm the battery, it annoys people on the train because they don't know what I'm doing, and they fear what they don't know.

I've also began coveting deeply the new matt screen 17inch mac book pro... every now and then I go over and rub it. I feel like i'm cheating on the 17 inch mac daddy pro 1, I'm not though. I love 17inch Mac Daddy Pro 1. He's just almost 3 years old, and I don't trust technology past it's 3 year sale date.

I do declare that it is bedtime though. I don't feel tired, but as soon as I get into bed I'm sure I will be.

Hodest House

Last Thursday I went to see modest mouse. There was smoking people that got kicked out, there were tall people, rude people that disobey gig etiquette of small people before tall people and the lead singer stood on the far away right. There's no photo of him.

He actually told us a story about cough medicine, and he used his voice, the very same one from the 'freebird dialogue' at the end of their live song 'paper thin walls'.

They played paper thin walls, float on (as heard in rock band 2 by 50% of the audience) and their finale encore was dramamine. It was amazing. I would pay just to hear that live extended version again.

The whole gig was pretty impressive, and they can surely put on a show. Six of them, two or three guitars, two drum kits, a violin, a trumpet and piano/synth thing... it was music collaboration at its finest.

A series of fortunate and unfortunate events.

I'm lacking in the age run down weekly blog thing.

I'm lacking in the blog thing in general.

Today.

As a list.

Not so good
1. I heated my milk for my cornflakes this morning and there was a weird yellow film on one side when I took it out the microwave. It looked like melted butter. I thought it was just a skin or something. I poured the cornflakes in and took one bite and it tasted like hot melted butter. I took a second bite just to make sure.

2. I didn't have time to make another breakfast.

3. I left the house without bongela (for my mouth ulcers), a pen for work, and my train pass.

4. A stole a pen at work from the till, and it burst within an hour, all over my t-shirt, jumper, hand, name tag, jeans and later that day I discovered my pocket and leg were covered in ink as well.

5. I missed my lunch hour by 50 minutes, because I was being lame and couldn't put through a personal set-up data transfer.

6. I had to work until 8pm

7. When I caught the train home a drunk guy was confused and gave me the responsibility of getting him off the train at his stop. When I woke him he wouldn't listen or get off, and I eventually said 'No seriously, this is your stop, I'm not even joking' at which point he looked out the window himself and leapt up and got off the train.

8. How I met your mother season 4 episode one was pish... I really really really don't like the actress from Scrubs. She was a bad cast. The rest of the cast were good because they were kind of no-names or been-trying-for-ages-famous-in-cult-circles-names. Bad cast.

9. When I got in from work I sat on the couch waiting for How I met your mother only to realise it wasn't on for another hour, and then the cat sat on me. When I went upstairs to change I could smell something weird, and thought it was my bed (where the cat sits), or my jumper, then I realised it was on face, because it had been rubbed off my hair. Yes, the cat had fish-juiced on my hair a little. I severely need to get her dressed. I would have this month but I got taxed 35% and I'm still raging about it.

10. I have a gouge in my finger, it's small but it hurts.

11. My sister woke me up 15 minutes before I was meant to be up and this is how everything started going bad. She needed keys because the girl can never be trusted with keys, she can never be trusted with anything. I'm glad her daughter can walk otherwise she would have lost her by now. Seriously. I remember going to see Bambi or something in the cinema and having to take charge of the money because my sister would somehow lose it. She's four years older than me, I must have been five and she nine when I was going to the cinema with the money.

Because she woke me 15 minutes early I felt hard done by and stayed in bed an extra hour, until 9:50. Then everything was just a rush. A pure rush.



AND I had a tonne of emails from 'a client' all about crazy stuff, and miscommunication I think.


Happy happy joy joy stuff

1. I got an email this morning from USCIS saying that our visa petition for me has been approved and a letter has been sent, to Jon.

I was actually so happy that I almost shed a tear... I welled but I didn't shed. It was the oddest relief.

2. I sold two computers today with a 50% attach rate of One-to-one.

3. I caught my train and got to work on time.

4. I didn't have to go outside in the snow in my iron man boots.

5. I caught my train home without waiting no more than 10 seconds for it to leave the station

6. I got to have an awesome shower after work (because of the gross cat smell hair)

7. It's almost Christmas. And Christ is awesome.

An Ode to a beard.

By request here are some photos of Marcus' beard and how has developed since he finished his mission almost two years ago.

This, currently, is his profile picture:



A chronological photographic diary of a beard:

King of the Jungle.

I've been looking for we kids singing this song for weeks now, since I heard an old tape of me singing it when I was a protestant.

it doesn't kick in until about 1.30 in.



Those kids are asian it makes it better.

This one is even better and it isn't as slow to start.





OH MY GOSH... to a dance routine:





This one is wrong because she roars rather than making monkey noises, and she's not asian, but it's still one of note that made me laugh.





I could post these all day. This is my last one because these asian kids are cute and because the words are on the screen. If I ever teach a primary class I will learn them good and teach them Protestant sunday school songs. Amazing.

beards part 4 - one down two to go.

Jack Wilde 09 December at 17:11 Report
how do i block u.... ur doing ma box in wea ur snash and crap patter... and u call me negative... did u just judge me... and u cant call me because ur a reject/loOser/gimp.
have a great life my lost love, maybe one day

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
the most kisses u will ever get... EVER







My response to that was never received because he learned how to block me before I replied. However, it was:




I will savour those kisses if they are the last. I had a dream the other night that had a lot of kissing in it. Then the man from FedEx rang the door and I was totally mad because the dream went away. I suspect you're right, between that dream and your x's those are the most kisses I will receive. Thanks for your kindness.

If I am judging you it's because I have a rule, Judge those that judge my best friends. I'm merely telling you that your perceptions and the things you think are true doctrine and commandments are not. And if they were you don't embarrass someone in a public and cowardice manner. You have no idea who could have read that and been turned off from the church. No idea.

Good luck with your blocking and beard growing endeavours.

May I ask what snash means? It's not in my vocabulary?

And also, I can't call you because I don't have your phone number it has nothing to do with me being loose. As I've said, being loose might be something I can only discuss with my bishop. And as for gimp, I have thought about trying that out, although I think that is definitely against the church teachings and you would have a hard time getting me into the celestial kingdom if I had been gimping myself.

Beards part 3

Now you might be wondering why I would waste my day off communicating with three losers. I'm not, I'm doing some design work and this just keeps me entertained during the monotony.




Luke Garroway 09 December at 13:14 Report
Attacking? I left 1 comment which was the view of a member of the 70 on the subject being discussed! You have again highlighted the fact your a looser with your massive email and have clearly not taken my advice to be more productive in your use of time. I think an American giving any1 fashion tips is very funny! haha
Love Luke xx

Vikki Miller 09 December at 15:11
As a the newest of the American population I would like to get in touch with my feelings as Americans do. And I would like to bare my testimony that I believe in the fashion sense of Luke Garroway. Luke has opened my eyes to new prospects of clothing in my wardrobe that I never knew I could wear before. And how I feel in them just makes me well up with tears because I am so happy to be in the Church of Luke Garroway of Latter-day Saints. Your teachings inspire me to be a better person and to judge everyone that I know so that they can all feel victimised and made to feel shunned from other members of the church. Your example is astounding.

Thank you for sharing my email with one of your musketeers, the three of you and your inner magic circle of example is an inspiration to me. I'm thinking of starting my own inner cult within the church. Maybe you three can give me advice. Mine is going to be about tank tops and Kevin Bacon, who, again, will be our looser idol. Do you think it will take off and isolate and judge as many people as your own club?

Do you guys have sandwiches cut into triangle when you meet for your club? I used to be in a swimming club, to stay 'loose' and they had sandwiches cut into triangles afterwards.

I would also like to say that out of the '70' comments left on Marcus' profile only you and your band of merry men the musketeers were the ones that left something negative, nasty, and entirely off-putting that would make any non-member think twice about associating with members of the church or even taking discussions. Your inner circle magic club with triangle sandwiches are an amazing example to us all.

I say these things in the name of Luke Garroway. Amen.

Luke Garroway 09 December at 15:26 Report
You r a self rightous blasphemer. :)Love Luke xx

Luke Garroway 09 December at 15:45 Report
I think im falling in love with you btw :P xxx

Vikki Miller 09 December at 08:49
I am so pleased that you think I have done well in being self-righteous, I was following your example, I was trying to be like you (like that primary song, I'm trying to be like Luke Garroway). It makes me so happy to know that I achieved a level of self-righteousness that was noticeable to you and that you approve. Thank you.

As for the blasphemy part you are right, that's something I need to work on. It's like an addiction, it could be because I haven't shaved the hair off my legs in about 2 months that god won't free me from my addiction to blasphemy. I know he likes to punish people with hair growth. That's what you teach isn't it? I sometimes get my churches mixed up. You see, I'm not only in the church of Luke Garroway of Latter-day Saints, I'm also in the Church of Kevin Bacon, the Church of Tom Cruise (which I think is Scientology), the church of Woody Allen (also known as the Jews) and the Protestant church. I was christened when I was a child and my god father gave me a silver spoon. I never used it. I sometimes wonder that if I had used the spoon if it would have given me riches and people could refer to me as a the girl with the silver spoon. I think that almost sounds like a superhero name. Oh that's the other church i'm in The Church of Superman and Wonder woman. That's my favourite because it means I can wear my pants over my tights and i can also wear short skirts, with boots. I also get to fly. Granted I am made to grow a beard and take drugs before 'I fly', but I think it's fine because it's part of their church's teachings, it's almost like the equivalent of the sacrament in the Church of Luke Garroway.

As for your love, I am not inclined at this time to return your love. I'm currently involved with Wonder Woman herself, we got chatting after one of our meetings while eating a triangle shaped sandwiches. Triangle shaped sandwiches are always better, there was tuna in side it. Oddly enough wonder woman likes egg sandwiches. I always wondered who ate egg sandwiches. There you go, Wonder Woman. I imagine that my relationship with her will end pretty soon, she's an attractive lady and it would take a lot to keep her anchored, and given how strong she is she might actually accidently kill me or something. Either way I'll be sure to keep your name in my 'hat of names' for such times that I am looking to pursue another love. It's a fair system, everyone interested goes in a hat, and I pull out a name. Just keep your fingers crossed.








Jack Wilde 09 December at 13:58 Report
hahahahahaha, check the state of that essay u have just wrote.... U must be a such a big looser, probs not married or have kids or a life.... its good u go 2 church though, keep up the good work, and ur obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed. Half of the stuff u said is alot of crap.

ohh, 1 more thing..... get a life, just incase it didn't register the first time.

Jack Wilde 09 December at 14:02 Report
HECK:

Vikki Miller 09 December at 04:29 Report
Maybe you can give me some good advice on being productive. You seem to believe that attacking someone about something irrelevant and pathetic is a good way to use my time. Maybe I will follow this pattern.

Therefore I will use my time to shop for V-neck tank tops and over-style my hair.

True story I used to have a tank top, but Jade Goody wore the same one on Big Brother five and I tried to sell it to the press as Jade Goody's tank top. I didn't even wash it so that I could claim it was her sweat. They didn't buy it though because I'm not the same size as Jade Goody and because it wasn't washed I couldn't even claim that it had shrunk because I put it in a 90 degree wash or something.

Thanks for noticing how loose I am as well. I try and do yoga as often as I can, and I swim too, so that keeps my limbs and muscles loose. Although this is the first time I've been called an actual looser. Maybe I should start a club or something, for people that like to let loose, get loose, or that are naturally foot loose. I wonder if I could get Kevin Bacon to come. He filmed footloose in Salt Lake City, that must mean Marcus knows him. I'm sure Marcus can hook me up with Mr Bacon so that he can lead the loosers club. Failing him I will employ someone that loves tank tops as much as you and I do and dress that person up as a slice of bacon and call him Mr Bacon. I think that would do the trick.

Sorted.

hahaha, just ur average essay yeah

Vikki Miller 09 December at 15:01
Ahhh Jack. I'm pleased you got my email. Congratulations on your own marriage and your kids.

I also want to congratulate you on your amazing skills of life, money making, and your PhD degree. You are obviously the master and king of the world. Perhaps your degree is in tool sharpening. Would you like to show me how you sharpen your own tools? I would love to know how to spell loser as looser and I would also love to replace the word you with U.

As for obtaining a life I would also love for you to help me get one of those, how do I get one? Does it mean I have to stop having real friends and defending them when they are blatantly attacked, hurt, and judged on facebook.

I see that one of your trio, may I call you three musketeers, has emailed you my email to them. I would like you to return because it was private property and he has violated copyright terms and conditions. If of course you would like to pay for ownership of that email, then please deposit £143 into my bank of Scotland account. That's where you're from isn't it? Scotland. It's just convenience I have an account there. That fee is actually calculated by the word count, which is 286, (you can count it yourself if you like) times 50 of your new English pence. Which is the current going rate for a copywriter.

I did actually write an essay once. If you would like to read it I can definitely get you a copy. I'd have to charge you for that too, because the Bank of Scotland have put charges on my account and I would like to pay them off, so you understand that I would need to charge you for my literary genius. It's 8495 words. So if you want that essay it will cost you £4247.50. Again fifty pence per word.

Anyway, let me know if you want a copy.

Jack Wilde 09 December at 15:10 Report
U know what, I like you..... ur a good laugh..... and that trio Luke, is my brother....

Jack Wilde 09 December at 15:11 Report
P.s that was another cracker ov an email..... how long does it actually take 2 write that crap anyway

Vikki Miller 09 December at 16:39
Now, I'm kind of new to 'lingo' but when you say brother do you mean brother from another mother or brother as in biological brother. You should get a DNA test if you are unsure. I got a DNA test once to see if I was related to my cat. She treats me like I'm her mother, so I thought I would tell her once and for all that I am not her Mother and that she is adopted. The DNA test finally solved that one, so now she sleeps on the end of my bed, poops in the bath and spews on the floor. You now how teenagers can get in their rebellious stage. I might share the strength of youth with her because i'm sure there are sections in there that discuss honouring your father and mother regardless of being adopted. I'm also sure there's something about not licking yourself and swallowing hair so that you don't throw up on your mother's carpet. Of course she doesn't have a father, so I'm hoping that won't stop her from getting to the celestial kingdom. I'm hoping to be sealed to her as soon as the church allow one parent to be sealed to a child.

As for the amount of time it takes me to write an email you would be surprised. I could give you the quick answer of 5 seconds. I actually hold the world record for fastest typer in the world. It was a nice award. They had a ceremony with sandwiches and wine and they gave me a medal. I gave the wine to my cat though, because that's what responsible parents do, and because she's not baptised yet I figured that would be fine. She's only 4 years old you see, but I think that's actually 28 in human years. But back to the speed, if you were to take into account the time it took me to learn how to type, how to learn punctuation and grammar, and the amount of time to learn love for my friends you would actually discover that it has probably taken 92 years to write one email. The purpose of the email is still the defence of my friend and his beard. So let's stick with 92 years. It's a long time, but I do a lot of things at the same time. Multi-tasking it's called. Writing is definitely a hobby of mine. I think it's definitely interesting the way letters form words. I also like to pretend that I'm dictating messages straight from heaven. That is always a fun game. You might know more about that than me though, given that I'm no where near as righteous as you that you have been given the authority to judge people. I'm kind of pleased that you and I are best friends now, because it means when I die and I am at the judgement seat of God that you will be there to tell God that I'm your brother from another mother (definitely, we could get another DNA to see if we are really brothers) and that I'm good to get into heaven. Because I know you now I feel like I can do anything, if got you as my lawyer. First off I might start growing a beard, from there I will take drugs, and then become a hippy.

Thanks.

Jack Wilde 09 December at 16:40 Report
holy crap.... this will take hours

Jack Wilde 09 December at 16:46 Report
so I got half way down the first paragraph and decided to stop, cause its crap.....
and yeah he is ma real brother

Jack Wilde 09 December at 16:47 Report
accept ma friend request ma besto xxx

Vikki Miller 09 December at 09:04
Jack Jack Jack... can I call you Jack? I'll try and keep this short so I can keep your attention. I didn't realise you were so adverse to reading. When you asked me for an essay earlier I assumed you were fine tuned to the arts and literature, not once did I think that you couldn't read.

I cannot accept your friends request because I have a policy about not allowing negative people to be my friend because they just bring me down. I know that we have 32 mutual friends and that somewhere along the line that must mean that we are friends, but sadly not because yesterday we had 33 mutual friends, but that all changed when you insulted, judged, and berated my super best friend. Actions have consequences. That is the tale. I would tell you a longer tale, one about sewing and reaping, it's not the season for it though. Harvest is autumn. This is Christmas. This is the season for Bob Geldoff and mistletoe and wine.





Immanuel Corbett 09 December at 15:05 Report
You my friend are a complete and utter loser. Now give me peace

Vikki Miller 09 December at 16:29
Now when you say peace do you mean peace on earth, good will towards men? It is the season after all. I would like to remind you though that you started it. Although Marcus has deleted you now so you can no longer access and reference the fact that you did have the first comment.

I do appreciate that you can spell loser, unlike the other two thirds of your musketeer club. I have to highly commend you on that one. I was once called a loser in school, for being a member of church that is, you know how it goes, people fear what they don't understand and what is the minority. Perhaps that's what you are feeling, a fear of beards, a fear of facial hair, — you don't quite understand it yet, so you fear it and mock it, and penalise those who have beards. I understand.

I apologise for taking so long in getting back to you, I was actually constructing a beard from my own hair that I took out the plug hole of my bath, some parts are quite long, and others still have a bit of soap on them but it would do the job. If you would like I can post it to you. I might have to ask that you pay for the postage though, because I usually sell my plug hole hair to homeless people in the street. I told them it's a new form of drug, you wear it on your face and the drugs adsorb into your blood stream through the pores in your face. Of course that's not true, but I make money from it. I won't charge you for the beard though, but I will have to get you to pay the postage so that I can at least cover my rent this month.

Let me know how you want to do the transaction. I take credit cards and money orders.

Beards. Photos.

I realised I've been depriving you of the pictures of these three talented boys.

Luke Garroway



Jack Wilde (Jerk as I like to call him)


Immanuel Corbett

Beards Part 2.

I continued talking to Marcus, and he was telling me that he has actually discussed his beard with authority figures and that he also has read the talk by President Oaks that they are quoting at him. (The one about drug culture and beards being associated.) What these three boys failed to notice is that the talk has a disclaimer. It specifically says that it was intended for BYU students only and was not doctrine for the entire church.

Marcus then told me that he had deleted each of the boys. I realised they hadn't received my comments so I emailed each of them individually the same thing, which was a copy and paste of my two comments.

I received two emails back this morning, and I have since replied in a 'time-wasting' similar fashion to David Thorne.

Vikki Miller 09 December at 01:16

Hey. So I'm one of Marcus' friends. And he just told me that he deleted you from facebook, which means you won't get to read what I just wrote to you. So I'm emailing you to tell you what I think . This is what I wrote:


Dear Luke Immanuel and Jerk Wilde. I seriously SERIOUSLY hope that all of you have been joking when judging my super best friend. If you haven't then I seriously pity you all, because there is nothing more damning than judging someone else. There's also nothing more off-putting, utterly pathetic, arrogant, puffed-up, and negative in the church than when members turn against members.

The three of you should look in the mirror and take the mote out your own eye and stop bullying people on facebook. Seriously. And why are you being so cowardice and attacking someone amazing, righteous and holy in an anonymous manner. If you were at all to know Marcus, take the time to actually discuss doctrines of the church you would realise that he has more spirituality than most of the people I'm sure you guys know.

So seriously. Stop being so pathetic and blatantly bullying people online for no reason at all.

Losers.


Then I posted this post:


oh my gosh.

A big PS to the three of you.

I just looked at all of your profile pictures, respectively, and I've just realised why you're totally harassing my friend.

None of you have actually passed puberty yet and can actually grow beards.

Nevermind. I'm sure it will happen soon for you all. I'm rooting for you.

Luke Garroway 09 December at 09:53 Report
Do somthing productive with your time looser!

Vikki Miller 09 December at 12:29
Maybe you can give me some good advice on being productive. You seem to believe that attacking someone about something irrelevant and pathetic is a good way to use my time. Maybe I will follow this pattern.

Therefore I will use my time to shop for V-neck tank tops and over-style my hair.

True story I used to have a tank top, but Jade Goody wore the same one on Big Brother five and I tried to sell it to the press as Jade Goody's tank top. I didn't even wash it so that I could claim it was her sweat. They didn't buy it though because I'm not the same size as Jade Goody and because it wasn't washed I couldn't even claim that it had shrunk because I put it in a 90 degree wash or something.

Thanks for noticing how loose I am as well. I try and do yoga as often as I can, and I swim too, so that keeps my limbs and muscles loose. Although this is the first time I've been called an actual looser. Maybe I should start a club or something, for people that like to let loose, get loose, or that are naturally foot loose. I wonder if I could get Kevin Bacon to come. He filmed footloose in Salt Lake City, that must mean Marcus knows him. I'm sure Marcus can hook me up with Mr Bacon so that he can lead the loosers club. Failing him I will employ someone that loves tank tops as much as you and I do and dress that person up as a slice of bacon and call him Mr Bacon. I think that would do the trick.

Sorted.




That was one down.





Vikki Miller 09 December at 01:15
Hey. So I'm one of Marcus' friends. And he just told me that he deleted you from facebook, which means you won't get to read what I just wrote to you. So I'm emailing you to tell you what I think . This is what I wrote:


Dear Luke Immanuel and Jerk Wilde. I seriously SERIOUSLY hope that all of you have been joking when judging my super best friend. If you haven't then I seriously pity you all, because there is nothing more damning than judging someone else. There's also nothing more off-putting, utterly pathetic, arrogant, puffed-up, and negative in the church than when members turn against members.

The three of you should look in the mirror and take the mote out your own eye and stop bullying people on facebook. Seriously. And why are you being so cowardice and attacking someone amazing, righteous and holy in an anonymous manner. If you were at all to know Marcus, take the time to actually discuss doctrines of the church you would realise that he has more spirituality than most of the people I'm sure you guys know.

So seriously. Stop being so pathetic and blatantly bullying people online for no reason at all.

Losers.


Then I posted this post:


oh my gosh.

A big PS to the three of you.

I just looked at all of your profile pictures, respectively, and I've just realised why you're totally harassing my friend.

None of you have actually passed puberty yet and can actually grow beards.

Nevermind. I'm sure it will happen soon for you all. I'm rooting for you.




And by the way, I'm pretty sure the Strength of Youth says that tight fitting clothing is not advised.

Immanuel Corbett 09 December at 11:19 Report
Thanks for that.....Now beat it you fool

Vikki Miller 09 December at 12:32
Do I specifically have to beat it, or can I shake as well? Because if I can shake too I would love to play the tambourine as opposed to the drums. I always wanted to play the drums, and it was very kind of you to notice that it was an ambition of mine to play the drums. How very astute of you. Thank you for your encouragement in my endeavours. Now, if I can shake as well as beat, then I would quite like to play the tambourine. You see I once got into a fight with my primary two teacher because she wouldn't let me play the tambourine and that is pretty close to a drum — you have to beat it or shake it. I've still never played the tambourine, so perhaps on this occasion if you would permit me to shake and beat I could turn my talents to tambourine beating and shaking.

Beards Part 1.

So yesterday my friend Marcus McBride was attacked randomly by some pure fannies on facebook for having a beard. This is how the transcript went. Going from a normal comment as his status to him being sent to hell and into drugs for having a beard.


Marcus McBride Is it sad that I don't care about school at all at this point!?! This semester is one big wash!
Yesterday at 16:39 · Comment · Like2 people like this.

Immanuel Corbett Shave your beard you disgrace
Yesterday at 16:42

Marcus McBride Immanuel, no where does it say that ones rightousness is tied to ones beard, or facial hair. It does say, however, in the scriptures jude not, lest ye be judged. I have spoke with Stake and Temple Presidents and they say me having a beard is fine and in no way a sin or negative impact on my spiritual growth. Thanks for your concern though.
Yesterday at 16:50

Jack Wilde Marcus..... come on dude... follow the brethren, clean shaven
Yesterday at 16:51

Antoinette Black Keep it Marcus! Me loves you and the beard ;)
Yesterday at 16:54

Immanuel Corbett For the strength of youth...
When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you invite the companionship of the Spirit and can exercise a good influence on thosearound you.

Marcus we are representatives of the lord and we must be well groomed and wearing the lords attire. The brethren are the ultimate example of this.
Yesterday at 16:57

Jack Wilde aye Marcus it just says obedience is the first law of heaven, and it only says u should be clean shaven..... I do understand its hard to justify the wrong, and now we are commenting on it pride may step in….. but ur a good man, im sure u can handle it... P.S Amen manny boy
Yesterday at 17:00

Antoinette Black It's a well groomed beard! Lets be honest here...Marcus is the best dressed Man I know!

His beard is his choice.
Yesterday at 17:04

Immanuel Corbett Follow the brethren.......Boyd. k Packer
Yesterday at 17:05

Antoinette Black Then take of that tight pink "Team Edward" shirt! Is that not a girls shirt?
Yesterday at 17:06

Jack Wilde and any other way, every other way is madness...... Elder corbridge
Yesterday at 17:07

Antoinette Black That's it...I'm growing a beard :)
Yesterday at 17:08

Jack Wilde haha, ohh the PRIDE
Yesterday at 17:09

Immanuel Corbett No it's mine, i got it specially made. It is a PJ top antoinette. But thanks for looking ;)
Yesterday at 17:10

Antoinette Black hahaha....Well I hope it keeps you nice and warm, It's a lovely pink girly looking PJ shirt.

I think I may get one to go with my new beard :)
Yesterday at 17:12

Jack Wilde and with that u get a ♫one way ticket to hell
Yesterday at 17:13

Marcus McBride Ha ha ha ha ha ha Love you Toni!!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday at 17:13

Antoinette Black Then I will see you there Jack :)

I love you Marcus. xoxox
Yesterday at 17:16

Jack Wilde don't be late babe....
Yesterday at 17:17

Immanuel Corbett "I have spoke with Stake and Temple Presidents and they say me having a beard is fine" hahahahahahaha
Yesterday at 17:18

Jack Wilde hahaha, imagin.... president can I get a beard please???
Yesterday at 17:19

Craig Bishop marcus + beard = righteous
Yesterday at 19:51

Elizabeth Manson I think you look really good with your beard Marcus. The Saviour himself has one :) ♥ hope your well. We need to catch up with a wee bleather soon x
Yesterday at 22:29

Luke Garroway In the minds of most people at this time, the beard and long hair are associated with protest, revolution, and rebellion against authority. They are also symbols of the hippie and drug culture. Persons who wear beards or long hair, whether they desire it or not, may identify themselves with or emulate and honor the drug culture or the extreme practices of those who have made slovenly appearance a badge of protest and dissent. In addition, unkemptness—which is often (though not always) associated with beards and long hair—is a mark of indifference toward the best in life. As Elder Sterling W. Sill has observed:

“A let-down in personal appearance has far more than physical significance, for when ugliness gets its roots into one part of our lives it may soon spread to every other part!
Yesterday at 23:48

Craig Bishop Long live Beards!
11 hours ago

Vikki Miller Dear Luke Immanuel and Jerk Wilde. I seriously SERIOUSLY hope that all of you have been joking when judging my super best friend. If you haven't then I seriously pity you all, because there is nothing more damning than judging someone else. There's also nothing more off-putting, utterly pathetic, arrogant, puffed-up, and negative in the church than when members turn against members.

The three of you should look in the mirror and take the mote out your own eye and stop bullying people on facebook. Seriously. And why are you being so cowardice and doing attacking someone amazing, righteous and holy in an anonymous manner. If you were at all to know Marcus, take the time to actually discuss doctrines of the church you would realise that he has more spirituality than most of the people I'm sure you guys know.

So seriously. Stop being so pathetic and blatantly bullying people online for no reason at all.

Losers


11 hours ago · Delete

Vikki Miller oh my gosh.

A big PS to the three of you.

I just looked at all of your profile pictures, respectively, and I've just realised why you're totally harassing my friend.

None of you have actually passed puberty yet and can actually grow beards.

Nevermind. I'm sure it will happen soon for you all. I'm rooting for you.

11 hours ago · Delete

Antoinette Black Vikki Miller I love YOU! I love when the Miller lays the smack down...POW POW POW.

ps- My husband has a problem with me growing a beard so I'm just gonna grow my leg hair out for a few weeks ;)
11 hours ago

Vikki Miller I have leg hair that's over a centimetre long.... GROSS! haha. It's the winter, and the boy is too far away from me. I'm allowed. :)
11 hours ago · Delete

Craig Bishop all hail vikki
8 hours ago

Lindsay Nicole Koehler I've told you before, Marcus. Your beard is good. I love it. Don't listen to these crazies who hate beards! They are probably just SO envious because their faces are cold this winter...I'm jealous and I'm TOTALLY with Antoinette on this one!

Worked it out.

Okay.. just after waking up this morning.. yes it was genuinely the morning.. I worked out that the morning of the 24th I had a dream.

which means the night of the 25th November was when I played Rock Band 2 for real with Dane and Amy.

Which means November 26th Thanksgiving Eve is the only time I can't remember.

Twenty Six ELEVEN weeks and four days.

Last week I was on holiday, that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.

Twenty Six and Ten weeks was brought to us by:

The letters: NIGHTSHIFT AND IT WAS AWESOME

The Numbers: RED

and the words: In The Loop.


Week Eleven brought us:

the letters: I M M I G R A T I O N P R E P A R A T I O N

the words: sneeze, face mask, red eyes

the number: 4 am that's how late I stayed up to every night.

movies: New Moon

Tv shows: countless episodes of Heroes and Ugly Betty (I'm all caught up on 7 Ugly betty's and 11 Heroeseses)

Pictures I've been gathering for a while that aren't necessarily pertaining to week 11 but close to:



(because I can't get enough of the cats)















(because helvetica is over used)
















(This is numbered week1111.jpg)




Week ten and eleven were also the weeks of meeting Jon a year before.

here's my quick calender low down of events that I should have blogged about as they happened but I don't want to be such a loser in love.

November 19th Date numero uno: Carrie Underwood, slurpees, and staying up until super late (5am). Also the anniversary of Jon saying 'You're just so... transparent' (it won't go away) and him also saying 'I stay up until this time anyway, watching movies and stuff. I'm a little messed up.' To which I gave the quick one-liner 'aren't we all.' (he wore his mickey mouse t-shirt and I had wonder woman on.)

November 20th: i went to Body Worlds with April... and Jon 'had to write.'

November 21st: Our first, of several trips to, Cafe Trang... Jon wore the red chequered shirt with the flowery collar and pearly buttons, and he kept attempting to make the waiter laugh. It started as 100% of the time, but as more jokes were added, it decreased to about 10%. We also saw bolt that night, and then attempted to make dvds play through the giant TV, but instead listened to the Juno dvd menu screen for countless hours, before exchanging kiss numero uno.

November 22nd: Ikea'd it up. I made Jon buy a green rug which he proceeded to hate for months afterwards. I still love that rug. Then we watched dinosaurs, which brought me years back to my saturday nights at home when i was wee. I can't remember what else we did that night. I'm sure it must have involved food though.

November 23rd: Church. Jon was sitting next to Dan and a random group of people so I sat on my own and proceeded to text him through church because that's how cool I am. I hung about after church for a little, probably violin practising, then we went to see Dane and Amy to play rockband which we couldn't get to work so we played random game games instead. During one of the games Jon made me switch teams with Amy so that he and Dane were together and Amy and I, and he still continued to not do so greatly, thus proving that I was not the problem. I think we also watched the prestige that night back at Jon's house. Every date was like 5 days combined because we stayed up until crazy hours every night.

November 24th: This was definitely the day we went to Dane and Amy's and played Rock Band and the whole time on the way down in the car I was filled with sighs and what not because I had many questions regarding things Jon had told me the night before.

November 25th: I think this was the night we first played Rock Band with Dane and Amy. Think. It was either this day or the day before. It was definitely the day before.

So if this wasn't the day we played rock band I'm not sure what we did. I'm sure it was awesome.

November 26th: Likewise, this being wednesday and the eve of thanksgiving I'm sure we did something supreme. I've no idea what though. If I remember i'm sure I'll blog about it. or update. Lame.

November 27th: Thanksgiving, I spent it with Maggie and Dave and text Jon the entire time. Later that night I went to see Four christmases or something like that with Jon and Dane and Amy. I remember feeling relieved that I finally got to see him, because it was a long time.

November 28th: Black Friday. We ate bagels. Yum. And I bought a pair of golden ugg boots. Jon bought his playstation 3 and we watched Wall-E when we got back to his flat.

November 29th: I went to Chuk a Rama with maddy and her mum and her mum's Dad, and then met Jon later that night where he presented me with the blue fabric bracelet I wore until about 2 weeks ago when it disintegrated and would n longer tie. We then went to temple square and saw the lights while I met up with Krystyls mum.

Novemeber 30th: Another bit of church, and i've decided that we must have must have gone to see Dane and Amy that night too. There was also the first L word dropped that night, yes Jon said it first.

December 1st: We met for lunch at gourmandise, where Jon declared that 'he couldn't do this' and I thought he was ending things with me, but in actual fact wasn't... and was just exclaiming at how difficult long distance would be. He also hated seeing the pickle on my plate. Then we parted ways. I sat in the car outside his work for about 5 minutes being sad. Then I went to the violin shop to give Charlie back. I packed, posted stuff home, and watched heroes with Marcus.

December 2nd: Got on a plane and went home.

December 3rd: Got home. Which is one year ago, today. And then I lost my sunglasses which I found six months later. I remember going home in the car with Kate and talking all about Jon, and that was the day I worked out Kate was pregnant because she said 'I'm sick, don't worry you can't catch it.'

The Return of... ... FRIDAY STATS!

Yes. Toady has become a monumental day. I have, for the first time in four months, just been swimming.

It's actually well over four months. In fact, one might project that it is closer to five months, if not over five months.

I can tell you.

It hurts.

I've taken 'breaks' from swimming before, but none this long. It usually does take one or a half session to wake up my muscles and have them remember what they already knew, but today was a painful trip. I actually had to get out the pool at one point and do some kind of muscle squeeze slap stretch thing because I was convinced I wasn't going to be able to walk again, and that was only after doing 200m of front crawl kick. It usually is difficult, but not that difficult.

Anywhere... here they are:

200m front crawl
200m breast stroke
200m front crawl legs
100m breast stroke legs
25m butterfly legs
25m back stroke legs
25m butterfly legs
25m back stroke legs
200m front crawl arms (with paddles
200m breast stroke arms (with paddles)
50m front crawl
50m beast stroke
400m front crawl with paddles and flippers
200m front crawl
100m swim down/fanny about.

80 lengths, 2000m, 2km in 68 minutes.

The pool was pure heaving with people as well, and there were some really rude guys. Seriously, I was in the 'medium' lane, and it ended up being filled with all these big guys that thought they were fast but not fast enough for the fast lane. I was seriously mad... they had bad swimming pool etiquette, and beyond that I was the only girl. So I had to hold my own and prove that was fast enough to be in the medium lane. It was actually not that fun, and I was in so much pain most of the time.

I've also decided that I need to stop going swimming with guys... I might start going to Ladies night or something because guys are gross and totally pervy. I suppose I check out their moobs, it's true... in more of a 'i'm repulsed, swim more way' haha.

When I was in the shower after getting out I starting craving thinly sliced roast beef. I'm not even kidding.

It's been ages since i've craved beef, and I've been fine with that, quite happy, but this is no coincidence that it happened immediately after tearing some muscles and wearing myself down. So I think it might be related, the breaking down of muscle is usually replaced with protein... hence drinking or consuming large amounts of protein while doing heavy work outs.

I took one of my beetroot blood builder pills that I got in Wholefoods and I also consumed, or rather, inhaled a Terry's Chocolate Orange bar that I conveniently bought at the petrol station when I filled up the car. The car is full. I think it's the first time the car has been full in a long long long long time. She's happy... cold, but happy.

I also decided today that if I ever owned a swimming pool I would put heated towel rails in ever locker. I need to go swimming more often because I always come up with fantastic ideas afterwards.

before heading out I got held up slightly because I indulged in some facebook chat with my totally awesome Bulgarian friend. She who is actually a kind of mutual friend/acquaintance of mine and Jon's, and she who kind of brought us together.

She's back in Bulgaria, and I totally want to go see her. I totally want to go to Bulgaria, that's a fact. When I watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang when I was wee I thought the place they flew to was Bulgaria, but it's actually Vulgaria. It will always be Bulgaria to me, and when I go to Bulgaria, I will be where Chitty, Dick Van Dyke, his grubby children, Uncle Alfred, and the child catcher were.

Amazing.

My twilight defence

Right this is breaking my blog post fast.

I wasn't not posting... I was just not posting because I was too consumed doing other things.

I've been on holiday this week because I had to ask for the week off a month ago, and it was the last week that anyone could ask for holidays before the end of January. So I've been using the time to properly plan and prepare wedding, marriage and immigration stuff. Which has mostly just consisted of me kicking about in my 'in door clothes' with no make up on and cleaning things and throwing stuff out. I made a lot of progress on Monday but I've significantly got worse and more lazy since then.

yesterday though I took some time to go to the cinema with Claire... and of course we went to see Twilight: New Moon.

So, I have no idea why there are so many people opposed and total haters towards the movie and book series. Like really, everyone has an opinion... at least that's how my facebook status updates look just now. Everyone seems to have a hate or love opinion. It's actually starting to drive me insane. I don't mind twilight. Yes I read the books. It meant I actually read something. It's kind of like Harry Potter, I remember Adam Lang saying to me once that he thought Rowling should be given a massive award not for writing good literature (because in his opinion she didn't) but for encouraging children and people to read again. That's the same way I feel about Meyer. She has people reading. And so what if it's trashy, un-realistic, girl/teen fantasy stuff. Most stories and movies out there are utterly terrible, absolutely terrible. Take for example Transformers 2 and Jennifer's body (to name two that I hate). Those movies are total trash. Not to mention any other action movie that's come into existence, or those terrible disaster movies. Those are all trash in my opinion... un-realistic, rely on special effects, have no valid story line and either contain dodgey sex or nude scenes just for ratings. Like SERIOUSLY!

In the first Twilight the Blonde Rosalie chicka said the Oh My G, and that was it... that was all that could be deemed bad influence. The second movie was directed by someone who wasn't a desperate housewife (I watched the special features of the first Twilight movie and the director was a total weird perv... seriously), so it had a bit more conversation, storyline and build to it. There was no swearing, no over the top passion scenes... it was the kind of thing you wouldn't mind your kids watching... or yourself. Seriously. I don't want to defend the movie or the books because then it makes me look like a die hard fan, which I'm not, but they're entertaining, and enjoyable... and the books distracted me through a difficult summer (2008) that without which I might have gone insane. It was nice to worry about some one else's life and be involved with other people, in another place and land... even if it was poorly written.

And I just need to add that Miss Stephanie must have prayed a shed load. Seriously. Imagine, if you wrote a book, you'd want it to be successful. Well her prayer was answered. She must have paid her tithing too, that sneaky mormon lady. :)

Further disclaimer.

I would like to add that it was not the day Jon-himself proposed, I just used that image as a clue as to what the day really means, because for our first date we went to see Carrie Underwood (after I went to institute) and then drank slurpees. I'd gone swimming that day too, and actually eaten nothing all day but was too shy to actually mention anything about that. And I suppose slurpee was sufficient enough to keep me awake until after 5am.

Yearaversary.

This here day marks the one year year-aversary of me seeing Carrie Underwood live, for the very first time. Oh how she changed my life. I had my very first slurpee that night, therefore I claim this day as Slurpee and Carrie Underwood Day.

Twenty Six Nine Weeks and One day.

This week has been brought to us by

The Number: 30 Dollars and 240 pounds

The Letters: M I S S Y and D E N T I S T

The Words: Panic, wedding, and planning

and The Mathematical algebra equation:

Jon + Jon = 2Happiness

Jon + Jon/2 = Happiness

Jon = Happiness


This might make a lame geek, but I loved maths and algebra and equations. It was like English but with a right or wrong answer.

How Not To Spend Money.

The other day I was talking to a guy in work about iTunes and we somehow got on to the topic of the American iTunes store and I mentioned that I had a $30 voucher that I had never been able to use because I didn't have an American bank card.

He told me that with an iTunes voucher you can set up an American iTunes account by clicking the right places.

Surprise surprise I went home, clicked the right buttons and I now have $30 to spend at my leisure on iTunes.

Now, a bit of history. I've had that voucher for 21 months. I was actually scared that it had expired or something dreadful like that. To have it finally activated and not have to use someone else's account and to have the freedom to spend and download straight on to my own computer without transferring stuff feels wonderful. I'm debating over a big spend or lots of little spends. A big spend would be a whole series of a TV show like Buffy, The OC, or Dead Like Me. Lots of little spends would be albums I've been wanting for ages, or a movie here or there. I don't know what to do. It's too exciting. I keep spending it with my eyes but not going through with it. 21 months is a long time to wait to spend something, so the credit has to be spent with finesse and beauty. Almost like a whisky that has been left to distil for 15+ years. It has to breathe, it has to be enjoyed, it has to be relished. Every cent that I spend of that $30 has to be appreciated.

A little bit of further history.

The $30 gift voucher is actually a proper gift, it was given to me as a valentine's day present on February 14th 2008. It is, actually, the only valentine's day gift I've ever been given. Awwwwww... cue the tiny violin. Well I think I might have received cards before but in high school from one of my female friends as a joke. Actually that's also quite sad. It's a lame day anyway.

I'm actually so pleased that I get to spend it now, it's been burning a hole in my email inbox for too long.

In other random news I hate that Fox chick, i've forgotten her first name. MEGAN. Megan Fox. I hate Megan Fox. After work I called Claire to see if she was in town and she was just heading in, so I browsed some shops and tortured myself over my jacket again in Urban Outfitters. I went to American apparel and smelled the smell of Helvetica, and I went to Frasers and ended up in the bridal section looking at huge meringue dresses with sparkles and princess looks. I left with a smile. I like sparkley things. And it was a totally laid back department. I've actually not been in one bridal shop since I got engaged so it was pretty cool to just immerse myself in materialism and crazy girlishness for just a second. Nothing in that place was me, nor would I wear it in real life, but it was pretty to look at and ooooo over.

I met Claire and we continued mini non buying shopping time and then took up some seats in Borders Starbucks (sorry Toni) and then we ended up in the Cinema. We also went to the new H&M in the Buchanan Galleries bringing the H&M count to Three stores in the one shopping centre. That's messed up. haha. Yeah, so outside the new H&M was a queue of people waiting for the launch of the Jimmy Choo H&M range. Dedicated or what.

The cinematic choice was ruled by time and trains and Claire and I ended up seeing Jennifer's body. It was far from my choice, but it was okay, I hate Megan Fox and everything she stands for, and the movie was just a bit weird. It was almost like a parody horror like the Evil Dead but it wasn't. It was actually funny, a little scary, and almost definitely irrelevant.

On my way home on the train I was thinking about a lot of stuff, like swimming, and design work and what not... I was also scripture reading, and I started thinking wouldn't it be crazy if I was to look up and see I was in my station but about to leave the station and I would have to do a train dive and maybe my bag would get stuck in the door and I would have to leave it behind, or what if my shoe got caught and I had to wriggle out of it or die, or even my jacket. Then I started looking at the pages of the Book of Mormon and wondering if there was more I could do to incorporate the style of scriptures into the design of the Mormons Photography Book I've been doing for Mark. I then looked up and realised I was in my station, and I actually did have to do a train dive. It was flippin scary. On the way I dropped old tickets from the back of my Book of Mormon which were my book mark and I stopped to get them thinking they were important. It was a close one, but I made it off the train.

Redemption.

Today redemption comes in the form of a Blue ford Ka called Missy.

She is alive, and legally allowed back on the roads. Yes.

Her underbelly has been given new metal and she has one new tyre and some new wiper blade and gosh is she happy.

I am even more so because it means I can drive to the dentist rather than get the train and walk, and it means I can drive to various other locations.

And it all cost £195 plus the £45 MOT last week. Which means the MOT was not a waste of money Hooray! All is well once more in the last of Vizzle M and her Missy.

I'm pleased that I didn't have to just get rid of her, if I'm selling her and giving her up, I need some last adventures with her, she is awesome, and we have spent some terrific wonderful times together. And now I get a few months, legally, more.

While it's fresh.

I just had a dream.

It was 30 minutes until I was due to get married.

I was, for some reason, getting married in Glasgow, in Anniesland Church... to be honest I don't think Anniesland has a church, but that's where I was going.

My dress was lying on the floor of the cultural hall in the LDS church in Glasgow, and I had parked my cousin's mini on the stage in the hall.

I was totally stressing about dress colour, size and whether it had been ironed or not. My mum just kept saying well why haven't you tried it on yet, and I would keep saying, can you iron it in 30 minutes.

My hair, face and everything else was not done. I'm pretty sure there was no flowers and there most definitely a lot of worry about bridesmaid dresses.

There was also some kind of live general conference happening in Glasgow that I had to sneak out of with my mum to get the dress.

When we got to the cultural hall my little cousin miriam was sitting in her mini asking how to get it off the stage so she could drive to the church.

Before we could help her out she drove it straight off the stage and it landed nose down on the floor, with glass and metal everywhere.

It landed an inch from where my dress was lying and we ran over and she as holding and rubbing at the dress. There was a massive brown stain on the left hand side from where she had burned and melted the lace from her car falling. I stayed relatively calm on the exterior and she kept saying sorry and that it was fixable. And I said 'no no, it was my fault, I shouldn't have parked your car on the stage.'

The rest of the dream is a little hazey, I think I had reached my capacity for stress at that time and my brain was moving my thoughts in a different direction to avoid having a heart attack in my sleep or something.

The gist was, the dress was burned, and unfixable, and I 30 minutes until I was getting married. Totally lame.

Monday Blah.

Quotes of the past week:

Don't send a left hand to do a right hand's job.

Why is there a large barcode stuck to my sunglasses.



I'm going to bed, because I have a long shift tomorrow, and I want a subway sandwich, I'm not hungry, I'm just miserable because I've not had enough of something in my life today. Lame.

I tell you what though, I've decided that rather than sell everything I own I'm going to give some of it away as christmas presents... yes I am tight, and being somewhat practical. The money I made from selling stuff would just go towards presents so I might as well give some of it to people that would love it. Don't worry it won't be trash, I will only give stuff that people will enjoy. Seriously. I think it's a full proof plan.

Tomorrow's the 11/11/09. It's also a Wednesday, I'm contemplating playing my 9 and 11 row of lottery numbers tomorrow, hmmm. Should I shouldn't I? I should call upon the power of the 11. To sort all of mine and Eilidh's financial woes.

I'm just typing for the sake of typing when I should be doing nanowrimo or something. I had such a good idea, but I just didn't feel it. The desire to write is gone. I just want to mope instead.

Sigh, seriously the past four months have been crazy, it's almost 4 months and one week. It's a weird kind of miss and sadness, because it's almost identical to a breakup, but it's not, because there's hope and happines, and still constant contact, but every now and then it's a similar pain that usually would be filled or ignored by 'moving on' but moving on isn't allowed in this scenario because it's hope, and happy imagination filled future that's in store. I think the only thing that is really not letting distance effect the relationship is the fact that he is most definitely worth it. There hasn't been more worth in any other endeavour that I've ever followed. Seriously. Love helps too :). But it will all most definitely be worth it, because he is worth it, and there's no one in the world that I could ever imagine myself with or that I would ever want to be with. It's actually almost like a storybook movie the way we fit together and work. Definitely worth it.

Bed.

New People Rant.

Several new people have started after me.

A high percentage of them are rude and can't fathom a please or thank you, and can't wait for answers when they ask questions, they just take.

Numbers Rant

I have a mentor at work... He's meant to help and assist.

He pretty much shows me my financial figures and then berates me, and then tries to work out how to make me better.

Here's the thing.

I am 12th in the store for sales.

I have a high percentage of apple care add ons.

I have a low percentage of one to one add ons.

Every store in the world has been challenged to reach 50%.

The more computers I sell without one-to-one means that the store average is affected.

People that want it, will buy it, I don't tend to get the customers that want it.

90% of the people that come to the store to buy have had pre-intentions.

A lot of them are students.

I tend to get the students, the young guys that already technically minded and the foreign people.

I don't mind this.

But, the people that would benefit from one to one never want to talk to me, never want to interact and always end up talking to the young boys because 1. Boys know technology, and 2. Older women love little boys.

My Mentor enjoys showing me my figures every chance he gets and likes saying 'is there anything I can do to help?' or 'this is your percentage, look at everyone else's'.

The thing is, everyone else's is either drastically below mine, or just a little bit above. But for the sake of not arguing I just nod and go yeah, crazy, terrible isn't it.

The problem is, when you start a shift and you're being made to feel like crap (even although you're twelfth in the store and you only work 16 hours a week compared to the full timers or high contracted people in the top 11) because you can't sell one to ones, then I tell you, you don't want to even sell any computers to anyone because if they don't take one to one then you're percentage will be messed up.

It's totally messed up. I hate it actually. And I actually think I'm at my capacity with my mentor, the next time he shows me my freakin' numbers I might actually not give him the happy, life is awesome answer. Seriously. So mad. It bothers me. If you can't tell.

I mean I get it, I really do get it, the thing is, apple has asked for 50% most likely assuming no one will really get that amount and that they will actually keep trying for it and get 40-45%.

Uptight.

Twenty Six Eight Weeks and 2 Days.

This week has been brought to us by the:

Numbers: I Don't Care About Stupid Numbers and 45

Letters: F-R-I-E-N-D-S

Words: sad, glad, mad, bad

Events: My mum's birthday

Movies: This is it, Ghostbusters, Groundhog day, Darjeeling Limited

Songs: Anyone Else But You - Moldy Peaches (from the Juno Soundtrack)

A Strange Twist of Fate

Last Thursday I started flicking through the yellow pages because they were sitting on my bedroom floor after using the pages as packaging in a box to protect Eilidh's iPod.

I decided to look up garages that weld and I found one in Anniesland, called them and wondered if it was per chance the very same garage that Wee John, whom I met on the train two years before, worked at.

The Story of meeting Wee John.

Anyway, in some kind of strange twist of fate I have now left my car, indefinitely with Big and Wee John. Wee John didn't remember me. The blokes all seemed relatively lovely and in actual fact Missy will be back with me and in working order sooner rather than later. I'm excited to go swimming again, and to hang out with friends, and to go to the cinema late at night, and to spend Christmas and New Year with Eilidh with the car she helped me find, and I'm also pleased that Jon will most likely get to meet the wonderful little beast that is Missy.

Yayy all around.

So, if you live in Glasgow, I 100% recommend the wee garage off Crow Road in Anniesland, above Morrisons. Best garage I've been to to date. Seriously.

real news

Fireworking it

Remember remember the 5th of November.

I ended up working tonight, and didn't get to see the fireworks in Glasgow for the 4th year in a row. Seriously. I can't remember the last time I was there.

I was in Utah the past two years, and running YSA errands the year before that, and in Dundee other years. Gosh, it's been a long time.

The most amazing one I ever saw was one that looked like a normal circle firework but then turned into 30ish tiny parachutes. It was incredible.

Today, as well as being Guy Fawkes, marks 4 months... the day, it's not 4 months to the hour yet, but at this stage, who's counting. It still sucks.

I had something else to say, I've no idea what it was. But oh how it was good... that was it... I was watching a small snippet of the Daily Show and Jon Stewart mentioned our favourite Beck, at which point I wanted to confirm that I still really dislike that man, and don't mention it because I can't access the daily show how I used to any more, they put a country lock on it, which means I can't share what I've not seen. Lame. I have to watch it through UK poor methods and slow servers now, even more lame.

Forty Five Pound Walk in the Park

Today's plan was to

1. Change my dentist appointment next week

2. Reclaim some bank charges

3. Get one of the tyres on my car fixed (and change a wheel for the spare in order to do it)

4. Go see this is it with Kate.

What really happened:

1. I slept really late and had some crazy dreams

2. Changed my dentist appointment

3. Looked up used cars online to gauge prices and make sure it was worth fixing my car

4. Decided it was worth it

5. Started changing my flat tyre/wheel

6. A random man did it for me because I couldn't get a bolt undone and I looked like a damzel in distress. I can change wheels and pretty quickly too.

7. Got a new tyre for one at the wheel place

8. Was recommended a new MOT specialist

9. What I heard was MOT and repair

10. Took it there immediately and found out they only did MOTs

11. Got a little confused and kept it there for an MOT

12. Had to wait in Dalmuir (ie. Nowhere) for 1.5 hours

13. Went to a local park that I used to go to as a kid

14. Picked up leaves, saw swans and squirrels and played on the swing

15. Got an inner core chill

16. Picked up my failed MOT car and found it hard to get advice from the guys

17. The list was significantly less than the first fail because the first fail was done by a rookie

18. Almost cried

19. Tried to find out where I could get the body work fixed

20. Drove home

21. Caught the train

22. Saw This is it (amazing)

23. Cried a little... well I welled up, no tears though. Had I allowed tears then I wouldn't have been able to stop them for ages.

24. Came home

25. Ate dinner while watching How I Met Your Mother (the episode about Lilly and Marshall's wedding)

26. Wished I could get married sooner

27. wondered why on earth I paid £45 for something I already knew.

28. It now takes me about half a week to make £45, before it would take me half a day.

29. I hate myself for spending money unnecessarily. I'm not sure what I was doing, or what I thought I was doing. I am such a freakin' tard.

30. Watched a bit of the green wing while looking up garage services and used cars.




There seems to be no logic in fixing my car, or buying another one. I can't afford it. But the money I put in I will get back in 4/5 months when I leave. (Hopefully 4-5 months.) But I'm still paying £14.50 a week on train fare regardless. What will I really use a car for in the next few months. Getting to church on time, going to the cinema really late at night, driving about for new year and christmas when public transport isn't running, when Jon comes so we don't have to get the train everywhere, for the fake reception wedding in Glasgow when things need to be done and I can't depend on lifts, for delivering items I sell.

So yeah, not a lot that can't be replaced by public transport.

I don't know what to do. I have two weeks to have it fixed and back in for another MOT otherwise it's another £45.

But yeah, the park. I ended up going to the park and I paid £45 to do that. I could visit another country on ryanair for less than that. Why am I an idiot.

On the plus side there's the awesome photos and things I seen today that were free and that I would never have done if I didn't have to stay in Dalmuir for hours.

This is a random video of some swans that were asking over and over again for food. Someone finally came and gave them food. The thing is, bread is bad for swans. True.



There were so many pretty leaves.

I love that nature makes death look so beautiful. It's spectacular. This is the later end of the death of leaves now, so they're all richer darker colours. But I did find an odd green leaf here and there that was fighting and holding on to pigment for dear life. Utterly stunning.

The sun was getting quite low as well so there were many light opportunities too. I didn't have my big camera with me, so this is just my compact. The photos are still pretty awesome though. It must be the touch screen function that does it.

I also played on the swings, and random elephant that had 'wanker' written across it's head. Kind of sad.

The best part though were the squirrels. At first I thought it was rare to see one squirrel but then I came across a dray or scurry (yes, I looked up the collective noun) of the little blighters. I remember being young and my gran telling me how evil grey squirrels are. I kind of like them, they did bully and breed out and murder the red squirrel though who is always painted as an angelic creature in comparison.

The movie at the end shows off my iMovie and garage band 06 skills of putting a movie together. Wooo. It's all about my squirrel friends. They all got scared off by a dog. I big panting butch dog. Just like Up. It made me laugh slightly, as well as be annoyed slightly because dogs drool and squirrels rule.

Hallowe'en Visual Stimuli

Back when I was at art school Hallowe'en was a huge deal. It was all about out doing each other with the creative art ideas. Now I don't really care. Before art school I didn't really care either. I'm not a fan of dressing up purely because if my costume isn't perfect I don't feel comfortable.

Yesterday/last night when I got to church for their event within 5 minutes I saw my niece pressing her face against a piece of glass on a door dressed as snow white, with her friend Soren dressed as superman at the other window on the set of double doors.

I remembered I had found my red camera and later managed to get only a couple of shots, nothing amazing. It's costumes like those that I love. Ones that are of real characters or people. Love them. I think it appeals to my juxtaposition/oxymoron side of life — where I like seeing things out of place.

Amie and Soren:











I also had the fantastic opportunity to take this small video. Immediately preceeding this Soren and Amie were spinning in another part of the hall. They started going pretty fast and Amie disappeared from sight into some tables and chairs after Soren couldn't hold on to her any more.

I was sad that I didn't get that video, it would have won me money on You've Been Framed. That's for sure.






Today for work I dug out my Emily Strange Cat Ear Hoody which was actually amazing because it was so warm. It has been in the boot of my car as a 'spare jacket' for years. I don't have a working spare tire but I do have a blanket, cushion and spare jacket. I am a girl.

Today I was an iCat. It was awesome.




I then had some random hallowe'en awesome with Zero. It is her night after all. She was born the way she is for tonight.

And I caught a sighting of Zero the Ghost Cat. See how she's invisible.







And yes I have bright orange converse that I got in Paris that I dreamed about days before, then found through a random circumstance involving mashed potato, missing a train, and having an odd size of foot.

It's a semi entertaining story (like all my stories) I should write about it sometime.


And as a final thought:

Long live the apostrophe in Hallowe'en.