Wedding Chat #1

Ai'ght.

So, it might be new news in the blogging world, but It's a month old news for me.. and I have a folder on the desktop called Wedding, Marriage, and Immigration.

In that folder in another one called Wedding, and in that folder is 8 folders titled:

cake
dress
flowers
hair
invites
lists
photography ideas
quirky ideas

So, yeah... let's get cracking on the ol' wedding chat... Oh yeah!

I've been scouring many websites but my two favourites so far have been:

Rock N Roll Bride

and

Off Beat Bride

It's not because I think i'm so rock and roll or so crazy... but those sites are real, as opposed to the 'magazine' sites where the designer of a dress means more than the marriage itself.

Anyway.

I want this girl to make my dress. I want to have one of the ones in stock modified with possible colours and collars and sleeves and all sorts of excitement... pleased.

But for some awesome 'wedding porn' images I'm going to show you all the enjoyable photography ideas i've sourced over the past month... Ready?

Okay.. so I had 80 images in there so far... i've cut down to 45 so it's a little more manageable.





I love the Colour in this one.



When I first saw this movie (Control.. about Joy Division) I turned to my friend Mary the Skills Mills McIlroy (she just got married on Thursday) during this scene and I said, I want my wedding photos to look like that. I just love the angle, the focus, and the deep contrast.

Sadly it's the scene in the movie that Ian tells his wife he doesn't love her any more, but that's not the here nor there.







Can't beat a bit of the Chuck Taylor love.

Question: Will you be wearing Chuck Taylor's on your wedding day?

Answer: Although it's been done, it's very possible. It's a very 'me' thing to do. Wait and see my friends wait and see.



Turquoise... Yes.

Umbrella... LOVE IT.



Shapes, words, soft focus... love it all.



Type again. Random strangers love it... chalk drawing... AMAZING.



This is Max Wanger's section now.. the rest I can't remember where I found them, but Max Wanger is my current love and I am hoping I can make enough money to hire him, he's seriously the best I've found in the LA area. Amazing.

In this picture I love the play park, the way the girl isn't really in the shot, brilliant.



And the groom answers with his swing shot too.



Hand, objects, cuteness, I LOVE IT.



Sweeties.. best idea ever. Giant lollipop even better.



Hobbies and interests, random places, normal situations, strangers, poses, public transport. I can't get enough of this shot.



Again, strangers and public transport... it kind of makes the couple's love seem like a world of its very own. Like they're in a bubble of love.



Pirate Kite... Heck yeah... enough said.



CAT! Zero will most likely be moving with me to the States.



Shoes.. Kitsch shoes... SHOES!



Brilliant shot... public transport... different focus... juxtaposition... oxymoron. PERFECT. Pure dedication to the shot as well.



More public transport and oxymorons.



This reminds me of Roald Dalh's the witches... and the wee girl that lived in the painting. I love it. It also reminds me of innocence or little red riding hood or something. I love fairytales.



Flowers good.



Hollywood hills... it reminds me of the end of Singing in the Rain.



This one's a bit cheese but I like it.



I really love those hills. I just love the focal point and the way that Wanger knows people don't have to be close up to be in a picture.



EVERYBODY KNOWS VIKKI LOVES TYPO-GRAPHY!



Cutest Idea ever... I want my wedding laced with cuteness.



Asians always get the kitsch down to the K.



TYPE.



Personality comes from all of the person not just the face.



As I just said.



Type.



Love, smoochies... but dulled down a little so their kids can one day see the pictures.



Sparklers bring the pretty.



Hula Hoop... Rings... bond.



Type and Urban and the colour is immense.



The angle blows my mind.



More Type and words.

Say it by saying it.

Here endeth the Max Wanger... his stuff his here

I love it... seriously.



I love the different colours and textures of the petticoat.



This girl's hair is amazing. It reminds me of onion rings.



Doughnut wedding cake.



Coca Cola bottles and lollipops instead of flowers. I'm all about the alternatives.



I like the forrest, and the pose reminds me of a smashing pumpkins video or something.



I can't get over the perfect shape of the Silhouette. I've seen silhouettes before for wedding photos but none as amazing as this one. The stripes and stuff are perfect.



Can't beat the sunglasses.



I don't plan on jumping in water... but if it happened I would still look amazing and juxtaposed haha.



Mother cleaning a son's trousers... I just love how old it looks... and movie-esque.



I think that's what I'm going for is some kind of old movie star, vintage, tea party style or something. With colour, sugar, sparkle, cuteness, joy and sweets.

I love it. LOVE it.

Done and Done: A New Ending.

Yo... my most favourite Eilidh in the world ever just wrote this:


Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.


This is why I love her.

I can imagine that she will help me to make my wedding be filled with dreams, sparkles, and pure love.

That's right I said wedding.

I think that's why Eilidh's quote is so fitting... I'm making a new ending.

At several differnet points in my life there have been different opportunities and choices that would have led to completely different endings. This ending makes me feel really warm and happy inside. It's possibly the healthiest ending I could possibly ever have been given.


Senor Juanathan McDonald proposed to me on the 1st of July 2009 with the most creative, and unique proposal ever.

Remember my post 'The best proposal in the world ever'? Well this one was actually the best of the best. Yes I am bias, but I am also a critic in the world of creativity and I say it was the best.

The evening started with me, sitting on the couch on my own watching some random TV stuff... Jon was playing golf and I was sitting. He came back for me around 6ish and then we went back down to the American Fork area to have dinner with the wonderful Dane and Amy and his other friend Bubba and his wife Jess (whom I'd never met before).

We ate sushi and had of the friendly banter and I splashed soy sauce all over myself because I'm cool. Toward the end of eating we were discussing which movie to watch that evening and it was decided that it would be Seven Pounds. At this point I had no idea anything was different or unusual. In hindsight I can see certain points of pure amusement when Amy said 'I'm going to guess that 4 or 5 out of the 6 of us will cry at the movie tonight.' At the time I thought nothing of it.

For some reason Jon has managed to develop odd allergies in his later life and he was having a terrible time trying to see because his eyes had completely blood shot from being outside playing golf. We jumped over to Wal Mart on the way back to Dane and Amy's house and while we were checking out Jon got a text from Dane asking to get ice cream or something.

We ran back to the aisle and picked something out and then came back to the self service bit.

While we were waiting a man (who I have now replaced with the Albino kid from Me, Myself and Irene) started beckoning me and looking right at me. At first I thought he was going to accuse us of stealing eye drops. So I said to Jon (without breaking eye contact with the odd Wal Mart man) I think that man wants us to go over to him.

Jon, being less paranoid than myself, realised the guy was just going to scan our items and let us pay with him.

So we were off to Dane and Amy's again.

I've hung out with Dane and Amy a lot and feel quite comfortable around them, Bubba and Jess I'd never met, so when we got into Dane and Amy's everyone was acting slightly odd... sitting strangely and with very strict posture. I just assumed that was the way Bubba and Jess interacted and how others interacted with them.

I kind of hesitated about where to sit because I realised one couple would have to sit appart for the movie duration, and I was willing to take the hit. Jon made some comment about getting the movie started and then seats were taken and I was left to sit in my 'usual' seat.

I felt terrible that all the couples were dispersed and was going to comment on maybe having a rearranging of people, and then I was going to suggest dishing ice cream, but everyone was so quiet and so filled with concentration it was totally intimidating so I just kept my mouth shut and let it happen.

Jon excused himself with a phone call and I commented 'Ahhh he's faking it' thinking it was a real call, and I was just being facetious. Little did I know it was a fake call and I was so right it was unreal haha.

The movie trailer started and one of the muppets from sesame street appeared... I was about to say.. Oh my gosh Jon would love this we should wait so he can see... but being intimidated by the room atmosphere I left it. I did look for him and think that he would love the muppets.

The muppet was bang on perfect, but he started interacting with people who looked a bit rough and i started getting a little suspicious, but thought nothing of it, just that it might have been a low budget movie. I started racking my brains about whether or not there was a muppet movie coming out and why Jon wouldn't have had me watch the trailer before. Then he appeared on the screen.. Jon himself was on the screen.

For a normal human that would be fine.... me... I'm still messed up, every night I'm convinced the TV characters will come alive now. I've always have difficulty determining the reality of Television. So he appeared on the screen wearing the same clothes he had been, it was as if he had walked outside and was now being filmed live or something. Crazy.

He started talking to Elmo and Super Grover the muppets and engaged in some pretty awesome conversation about how fantastic I was.

At first, my gut instinct was that he was in the movie and this was his way of telling me of his movie success... in actual fact, he made the movie, and the muppets, and wrote and staged the whole thing with the help of his awesome friends.

During his conversation with the muppets he mentioned that the next stage of our relationship would be the proposal, and he continued on to say that he had a hard time remembering what to do and how to do it.

At this point, I was slightly panicked, filled with pure adrenaline and having one of those semi-outer body experiences where it all feels like it's happening to someone else. It was happening to me though, and because it was on a TV screen I had a hard time believing it was real.

Jon and his muppet pals decided the best option would be for him to come back to the 'audience' and for the muppets to assist.

I might add that at one point the muppets pointed straight at where I was sitting, which makes it even more real and even more thought out.

My Love himself appeared back in the room and continued to interact with the muppets. They told him to first take the ring... at which point Jon said he didn't have one, and then the muppets threw one from the TV screen to Jon's hand. FROM THE TV TO HIS HAND... if nothing else messes you up that does.

And then they further instructed him and Jon himself my wonderful love and man and boy got on his knee (just like in the movies) and asked me to marry him.

At which point, with my ear sticking out through my hair, my face beaming with a huge smile, and my eyes almost tearing up (almost) I nodded and agreed with a uh-huh. Definitely lost for words.

The muppets congratulated me on saying yes, and then it was done.

Shell shocked and utterly pleased. I actually had to confirm a few times that it was all real and serious. It honestly didn't feel real at all, and then after the pure excitement and adrenaline rush I crashed into a quiet contemplative shell.. very happy though... very.

I must admit though, it was one of the easiest decisions i've ever made. Easiest.

Then a few days later I was on the plane home. Very sad.

The Return of Vizzle M – like return of the mac but not.

Once upon a time I read a book and it mentioned the Ocean Dome in Japan.

I always wanted to go.

I just read this

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miyazaki_Ocean_Dome

now I can't go. Well, I could always brake in.

I bet it will open again one day.

Ahhh those Japanese, they are awesome.

Anyway... in other news, on my way home tonight – I was driving again – I went to turn left, and crossed straight over the three lanes to get into the right hand lanes.

This was a major fopa because I am now back in Scotland as of 6pm yesterday (thank you British Airways and Terminal 5).

Luckily I nipped that mistake in the driving bud half way into the third lane, giving me just enough time to turn my little ka ka ka ka ka into the third lane of the left hand side of the road. Good job me.

So I'm home.

That's pretty much it.

My first flight was an exit row seat so I had extra room. Then I got to LA and struggled getting the magical A bus between terminals. I really hate LAX. This is a fact. Terminal 5 in Heathrow is a breeze in comparisson, and it has a wagamama in it. Mega.

My second flight was on a huge huge jumbo jet and I had a special request put in for a window seat, which I got. I actually had to kick an indian woman who smelled slighly of spices out of my seat. She also had so many bags with her that it was unreal, and she fought with the air hostesses for them and they had to put them in their cabin because they're not allowed to lift bags, and the over heads were too high up for me, never mind her and she was shorter than me.

So I ended up in the front row with a wall in front of me – extra leg room again. And I had all three seats to myself – ya beauty. However, the arm rests didn't go up so it was not my future bed. Then an Irish man came and sat on the aisle seat. Keith was his name and he was a rare laugh. We chatted until we took off, and then until we got our dinner and then i started watching Happy Go Lucky. I fell asleep half way through then turned it off fully when it ended and went to sleep. I tossed and turned and moved. The secret was two pillows, and two blankets, and no shoes but british airways socks and a british airways eye mask. Sincerly.

When I woke up, I checked the 'time left of flight' and it was 1 hour and 40 minutes!

I kid you not.

So I slept for about 8 hours. No way hosea... yeah I said that.

First time that's ever happened. Except that time on the bus back from london in first year when we were on our art and design trip and I slept the whole way back on the bus with my postman pat pillow.

Terminal five was a pure breeze and the Irish guy let me bolt out in front of him because I had a short lay over. I totally made it though and still had good ettiquette. That's all that matters, to be fair.

Then I got my Glasgow plane and was in the exit row again with three seats to myself, then I was back in Glasgow. Josb done. Fact.

It might not have been first class again, but it was a mighty cushy trip – yet again. British airways are my friend.

I got in at six, stayed awake until 10 and woke up at 11:30 today because of the gas man... jet lag beaten? we'll soon see.

I tell you, when I woke up this morning I was so confused. The past 3 odd months felt like a dream almost. A fantastically amazing dream. I was even happier to realise that it was reality and i would get to go back in seven weeks. That's (let me count)58 sleeps until I see my boy again. Pleased. SUCK, that's eight weeks, and one day. NO.

Lame lame lame.

I feel cheated. Ha.




In other news, the song Talk Like That by the Presets is fantastic and I listened to it a lot today. It reminds me of Salt Lake City Urban Outfitters.

Diane Keaton's Lips. (And Keanu's AGAIN)

... were sucking face with Keanu Reeves and Jack Nicholson.

I accidently watched 'Something's Got To Give'. Not to be mistaken for the Drowning Pool song.

ONE nothing's wrong with me

TWO Nothing's wrong with me

THREE Nothing's wrong with me

FOUOUOEURLFKLDSJFAKSJKLFJAKL:SJOAAHHHHHHHH

Let the bodies hit the floo'



Anyway.

Saturday night, late, I as starting my hobby of watching the ends of movies, and happened upon something's got to give. I thought it was in its last hour, but thanks to STV and their old fashioned ways it was scheduled for an hour before the news then another hour after the news at 10.

Hmmm.

So I ended up watching 80% of it.

I also realised that I am the fictional character of a mid-50s woman.

Diane Keaton's character was so me, it was unbelievable.

Although I have not fallen in love with Jack Nicholson, I am not divorced, and I am most definitely not dating Keanu Reeves.

If any of these three were the case I can assure you my blogs might be a little bit more interesting, or they might not exist at all. Especially if I was dating Keanu Reeves because not only would I be molesting him (Mormon style) but I would also be time travelling in a phone box with him while Rufus played guitar; I would be travelling through the matrix and learning kung fu; I would be driving a bus at 50mph; I would be communicating through a mail box two years in the future; I would be visiting him at his dentist surgery while he endeavoured to be a hippy; I would be engaged to him under false pretences so my illegitimate child had a father for my parents' benefit; I would be his drug dealer and everything would actually be partially animated; hell, I might even be an angsty Teen with an undercut who married him while he decided to be a dare devil.

My point being: Keanu Reeves has one of the most eclectic film repetoirs known to man. Someone should call him on it. It's a bit crazy. He gets around.

The gist is, however, I am Diane Keaton. And I wonder if I will end up with Jack Nicholson.

That is for Sale. Please Alphabetise it.

I found myself at a bit of an odd end on Monday at work, there wasn't any work for me to do, so I started sifting through old emails. This was a risky business, because not only was I reading the emails I once received under better circumstance and, what almost feels like, another life, I was reading my responses and emails too. This lead me to realise that

a) Everything changes
b) I come across as quite boring in emails
c) I try too hard
d) I hate that things change that I don't want to change
e) There must be a time that things won't change
f) I worry too much
g) when the stakes (or steaks) are too high (and out of reach on the top shelf) I don't gamble and, again, worry too much
h) I am mourning the loss of a time
i) My thoughts are my own worst enemy
j) I have too much fear (again, only when the stakes are too high. ie. when i care too much)
k) I was always most attractive when I couldn't care less
kk)
l) I seem to just be going through the motions
m) I really like playing the violin
n) I finally got Breaking Dawn – I'm going to read more of it when I finish writing this. I read the first couple of chapters in Starbucks (I miss Toni and the Starbucks banter) and I was almost squealing when Bella walked down the aisle.
o) I am actually a girl and a bit of a romantic (in more of a traditional sentimental sense)
p) I remember too many things that don't seem to matter to any one else
q) I've never fought before, perhaps it's time to do so.
r) I went climbing the other day and aggrivated my fear of heights, hurt all of my muscles but it felt good, I achieved something I would never have done before. From this I learned that I don't participate in things, or do many things at all incase I am terrible at them and people will think lesser of me. This, of course, is a stupid thought, but I have realised this is how my brain thinks. I hold myself back for fear of failing.
s) I fail at a lot of things, I am not good at everything, I am not good at many things, that's why there is trying, and failing and picking one's self back up again, and doing it again. This is why the phrase 'practice makes perfect' exists.
t) I am not exempt
u) I am not an emotion superhero [although if you see an emotional superhero send him my way, he'll make me his he'll make me his all his – my knight in shining armour coming to my emotional rescue (that's one for the rolling stones fans)]
v) Kick ass awesome letter.
w) I do not work well under pressure, I stress too much, and I hate living by a time table. (I knew this from the last time I was working full time, Rufus had to remind me that we had both learned this about myself two years ago. After this realisation it was decided that I shouldn't work Monday to Friday 9:30/10am-6pm any more.
x) I have some really good friends. Some of whom I have never met and yet I spend more time with them than some of the people that I can physically hug touch and drink hot chocolate with.
y) I am not infallable. I am breakable. I am not perfect. I can aim to be perfect. But no one expects me to be perfect. I need to ask for help. I need to stop being so prideful. If I don't stop being prideful I will forget how to have fun. I need to take my own advice. I need to remember everything I've learned in my life so far and continue to use it. Gems like: There are always two choices; make the situation awkward or not, go to America or not, fight or not, live or not, be confident or not, push yourself or not. ALWAYS a choice.
z) Zero loves me, almost as much as Jesus loves me.


This list wasn't all completely compiled from reading those emails I was reading, but the first couple were. The rest are things i've been thinking about since I had to restart on Thursday evening.

I'm still re-booting though. Hugs welcome :)

I am such an iGeek dot com.

iVikki. haha.

My phone is breaking again, and I said that the next time it broke I would get an iPhone. I don't want an iPhone though. I want my gold phone that goes shhhhhwffff shhhhwfffff. So I might just get it fixed... again.

I think the transfer from old mac to new mac is complete. Tomorrow it will be a case of wiping the files, giving it a good background and maybe reinstalling leopard.

Then it will be on ebay.

While clearing out the files I kept finding traces of Nick, the previous owner. I then found out that Nick's surnmae is Brett. Nick (bloody) Brett.

Talk about a theme dot com.

Brekk the external hard drive was named after Brett and based on the ck/kk theme of naming. Vikki, Vik, Nick, Brekk and there we have it Nick Brett. It freaked me out almost as much as Brett Street.

It's not even a British name. That I know of.

Zero's here, she says it's bed time. She's pawing me.

Remember when I fell down the stairs in Queen Street and met John that peed himself. Well that bruise is STILL on my foot, and it still hurts. I think I broke my self, but because I'm a superhero I can live through the pain. I mean, I can climb walls now, while Peter Couper hoists me on a large rope. :)

The other day I was checking out the blow's website and found out there's a song I had never heard before, then I realised there was a whole album of theirs that I had never heard before.

I then fell in love with the blow all over again, not that I fell out of love with them, but it was just reconfirmed.

There's a partial cover of Sting's Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic. :)

I want someone to write a song like that about me one day.

I have a plan, for my own album, based on hearing the sting song, hearing a song by Irene that sounded like a U2 song and remembering the novelty of the Nouvelle Vague covers.

Excited.

here are some kick ass awesome lyrics that prove why the blow are so amazing:

(the internet is currently broken, so I'm just going to talk amongst myself until it comes back on. I've been transferring all my files from old mac to new mac, and I found some msn conversations from about a year ago. One of them was actually the last conversation I had with Ricking. I miss Rick King. There's an example of messing everything up by appearing to be mental/psychotic/stalkerish/pressure bringing. Although the story of Patrick Klassen is probably more accurate in describing my mentalness. With Ricking I don't think I was mental, I was just being me. Perhaps that is my problem. No one understands that me is normal, and that there is no pressure or mentalness because that's just how I am. However, sometimes my behaviour could be mistaken for that of a crazy person depending on how well the recipricant knows about me and knows about my general personality. I'm not mental, i'm just different. I suppose. The internet is still not back. I'm going to go kick it in the face....

So, I remember getting an email from Eilidh once that told me and made my understand what kind of person I am. She said that she and I were similar because we are

1. Over Keen

which makes us


2. Over Care

about the person, friend or otherwise, which leads us to

3. Over Share

possessions, stories, life, openness.

Now, you can ask many people and they will probably tell you that I am not that much of an 'open' person. I just don't share too many thoughts, feelings and emotions. Although I am getting better I still tend to play everything down a little bit. But Eilidh was write, is write. Whenever I get excited about a friend or a new play toy I get over excited. That's what I do. It's like picking up New Mac (pneumatic drill = newmacic drill) I start singing and dancing and bursting with excitement like no other. I then instantly over care about the person which leads me to want to include them in everything I am doing, and possibly everything I've ever done.

Does that make me psychotic? I don't think so.

Believe it or not, but I am having issues just now with thinking that boys think I'm a psycho. That's the only explanation i've come up with so far. That's how I must be perceived. When I like someone, I go overboard. How can that be wrong though? Is that not better than playing games and causing mental torture on someone? I hate being mentally tortured, I do it to myself all the time. So why on earth would I EVER want to do it to someone else? And I would never want to do it to someone I cared for, just in the name of power. This is my failing though, it seems, I don't participate in the chase anymore. Because it's all nonsense. Non-sense.

I'm starting a new honesty chapter. I've been getting the guts to email people from over the years and apologising if I ever did play games with them, because it sucks.

The internet still isn't working. I want to share the Blow Lyrics with you before I go.

I am so tired.

I love chamomile tea, on a breezey summer night (on hammer hill). I'm going to listen to And I remember every kiss. I love Jens Lekman.


So here it is, the reason the blow are good (is good) and the other reason I want to go to Portland and hang out with her.

Hey Boy.

Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call

Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call

A. You're gay
B. You've got a girlfriend
C. You kinda thought I came on too strong or
D. I just wasn't your thing
no ring

Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call

When we sat outside for an hour at the party and talked
I thought something good could be starting
It's not a lot that I want
just some talking
and really, you just injured my pride

Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call

Susan said that maybe you're scared
Shelly says there always is a reason
and Chris said you're probably surrounded by girls and I'm just not one of them you're needing.


Chris is probably right. But then so is Susan and Shelly. Tell me that that does not ring true to everyone's life (Thank you Dris Chaines for uploading it for me. You are the best... and for pointing out how awesome this song is).

But really, how good is the verse 'it's not a lot that i want'. I think boys think all girls are mental. I mean, we are to an extent that we think about weddings and I look up dresses online, haha. But that doesn't mean we want to marry someone after a day, or a couple of weeks. There's no need for the constant fear that we/I am filled with pressure and over eagerness. Yes it appears that I am too keen, but that's just how I opporate. I am just as scared as boys, committment and everything else as boys are of it. My track record with the males of the species isn't the best. I always bail, I always get out, and I always keep them all at arms length (should there be an apostrophe, it is the length belonging to the arm.) I am truly ranting and revealing a random piece of the puzzle to my life.

I really miss Scott. I think when my emotions caught up with me I realised that Scott is actually dead and not coming back, and that I do and will miss him. I am so good at supressing things, and sallying on like the trouper I pretend to be. Then it all comes crashing down. Welcome to the post-university blues as well, welcome to vikkiville.

I am too monogomous.

Favourite bands of 2008: Caribou, Jens Lekman, The Blow, Cocorosie. FACT. And I've seen them all within 12 months.

Cocorosie was September 2007
The blow was October 2007
Caribou was October 2007
Jens Lekman was May 2008

Thank you Glasgow/Salt Lake. Thank you life. I don't think I could ever live too far away from a major city. I love city life. I love live music. I'm going to go sing karaoke in Japan with Dean. Not Dean Martin from the Rat Pack though, although that would be awesome too, but Deanerio Vincenterio my Density.


Today has been brought to you by the letters:

I-H-A-V-E-W-E-T-H-A-I-R

The numbers:

breaking dawn

and the words:

Cat Food.

Today's weather was also asleep for a lot of the day. I need my rest.

Right now the weather is semi-sedated on Chamomile. What a natural herby drug. MEGA.

Zero Three.

One one zero zero zero zero one.

Zero is my cat. Without her I would live a sad, lonely and stressful life. Sincerly. I had sooty for 10 years of my life and I've had Zero for almost three years of my life, which means there was a time, about 50% of my life that I did not own my own cat.

When I come in from work though I hug and stroke her and it takes everything away. When I wake up she comes for cuddles and it takes away the bitter pain of having to get out of bed.

When I'm up late, or working from home she sits under my left arm while I Sit on my bed with my laptop on my knee.

She likes to bite me, yes. She likes to terrorise me, yes. She likes to poo in the bath to piss me off, yes. She is often called Zeez, Zeezrom, hell beast, satan, evil, yes.

Last year I made her an awesome hat to mark her second birthday.

This year I made her a Pecan Pie.

Here are the results of Zero's birthday party. Me, her and wooden floor.

(Just as a general reminder, this is all tongue in cheek. I like mocking the fact that I could be a crazy cat lady without actually being one. That's why I also send those Christmas emails with Zero, they make me laugh because people do send things like that in seriousness.)



This is the Pecan Pie. It turned into a deep dish pie because I didn't have a large enough pie dish. Hmmmm.



Zero being suspicious of the pie.











Oh you're scared of the pie.

Zero only looks like she's touching, sniffing or eating the pie. This was a hygenic endeavour. Don't worry.

Completely organic and filled with Green and Blacks Dark chocolate. I can cook. FACT.