Friday, 18 July 2008

The Death of a Bracelet and other updates, thoughts, and observations.

So, my internet is currently broken and I can’t be bothered spending hours trying to fix it, so I hope it fixes itself for the weekend.

Something tragic has happened (other than the internet not working and me having to type this in word – I have to vent somehow) I glanced at my wrist about 15 minutes ago and felt there was something not quite right, so I kept looking and realised that the green, white, black and purple bracelet is gone. GONE. What’s that about. I had it at graduation, that’s a fact. I have NEVER lost a bracelet without noticing. I ALWAYS notice, I ALWAYS find them. So I’m still holding out hope that I might be able to find it. Even if it means swimming to the bottom of that skanky pool and fishing the beads out one by one. That’s where I’m assuming I lost it, at the pool tonight.

Here are the stats. Quite pitiful if you ask me, but here we go:

1450m in 50 minutes

200m Front Crawl
100m Breast Stroke
100m Back Stroke
200m Front Crawl legs
100m Breast Stroke Legs
100m Back Crawl Legs

With Paddles
200m Front Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl

Without Paddles
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl

50m Swim Down.

It was Amie’s third birthday today, so I swung by the scout hall to give her birthday hugs and to scran her birthday cake – Thomas the Tank Engine. I AM SO PLEASED. It reminded me of this little plastic cup I used to have that I would drink my warm milk out of every night before bed. I loved that cup. It was one of the things that never made it out of the house on the day my mum broke in to get our stuff. That’s another story for another day though.

I must look on ebay and see if I can’t find one, like I found My Little Pony ear muffs like I used to wear.

I then came home, cooked dinner, watched some still game (which made me laugh erratically), then played some violin before embarking on the small amount of work that needed done before tomorrow, only I can’t do it because I need to convert a font from True Type to Postscript, but I can’t because I don’t know how to and only the internet can tell me. LAME.


I laughed so much at still game. There was this one part where Jack and Victor went to see their friend who’s wife had just died and he had been pissing in a pot under the bed because going into the bathroom reminded him of his wife too much. Jack and Victor were asked to take the pot out from under the bed because their other friend had burnt his hand and couldn’t lift it. So they both made a farce out of trying to get it, and trying to pretend the other couldn’t reach it so they wouldn’t have to do it. When it was finally taken out from under the bed – it was gross and cloudy – Victor took an empty pot and pretended to empty it onto Jack, which was funny enough. But then when Victor lifted the actual pee pot he tripped on the carpet and actually emptied it all over Jack and I could not stop laughing, out loud. It scared me a little. Because a laugh is a sign to another human being that everything is alright, there are no other humans, and I was laughing out loud on my own. I think I’m starting to go mental. Or maybe it really was that funny.

So, I’ve realised that I am doing an ‘Earl’, from My Name is Earl. However, rather than correcting all the things I have done wrong to people I am correcting all the things I should have done or shouldn’t have given up on. Hence the violin and the desire to skateboard. So the list so far, in the past few years is this:

Strong, fast swimmer (I always wanted to swim in the Olympics ALWAYS – still do)

Competent violin player, possibly able to play in a band like Andrew Bird, Jens Lekman, Caribou, Iron and Wine and, I think, Cocorosie too.

Skateboarder like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future

Write a fiction book.

Write a non-fiction book.

An animator




A vampire slayer

A drummer (a guitarist, bassist and general rock star)

A graffiti artist

A punk in the seventies

A girl

A non-girl

Now I’m just being crazy and silly.

A make up artist

A model

An actress

Anyway, I’m getting silly with these. But the first ones are real.

I was looking at some girls today in the swimming pool, and I realised I cannot compete. I can’t ever compete with the girls who wear bikinis for no reason other than to be looked at. I can’t do that – ever. And one of the things I didn’t like about Salt Lake is that there were a lot of girls like that. They would be the most modestly dressed on a Sunday, but given half the chance – Hallowe’en, sitting by the pool, swimming, hot tubing, hiking, being in the sun in general, pool parties, and everything else that would involve group hanging and being outside – they would be in short skirts, bikinis, short shorts, tank tops, spaghetti strap tops etc etc, and I just can’t do that any more. That was my life for a while, but no more. And the excuse of being on holiday, or it being too hot is just rubbish, for me anyway. I used to like the attention I got, and the staring from boys when I did dress immodestly. But, I am so over it, I am so done with it, and if that means I have no sniff at competing then screw it. Screw it all. Fact.

The internet is working again, and I managed to find a video clip of the Still Game Scene.

SERIOUSLY… You have to watch it.

I think more than anything that’s what’s still upsetting my about Utah. It’s the fact that I was unnecessarily and un-wanting-ly entered into a competition that I didn’t know how to handle. It is a fact and widely known fact that citizens of the United Kingdom date differently from those in the United States, not to mention the residents of Utah. So, I was left confused when I felt like I was shoved into some kind of competition for attention. It was so odd, and the kind of thing that I will write an essay on if I ever work out the dynamics of what actually happened. I tell you this though, I might have found the reason there’s so much depression and medicated depression in the US, it’s because during the dating process no one actually knows where they stand and they end up getting anxious and try too hard.

That’s my problem, when I’m faced with competition I become too obsessed with being perfect that I forget to just be normal. It steals my confidence and I just have no idea how to behave, or what to say, because I start to care too much. Care too much about what the person thinks, and what everyone else thinks. In my natural environment I couldn’t care less what people think, but this Utah adventure I was so self-conscious, and I attribute that purely and solely to the fact that without realising it I was competing with everyone in the state. Every single female. And I didn’t like it. I don’t think my adventure with Utah is over yet. I’ve still not written an single essay about that place, but I need to. I think that’s one of my definite angles. To start talking and writing about religion as a solution to problems rather than the cause of problems. I’m not sure though. Where better to start that a state that’s technically a colony of religion. Ha.

So, here I do my make up on the train, let my hair dry by itself and never straighten it. When in Utah I have to do my make up, pluck the brows, straighten the hair and take about an hour to get ready. Here, I’m out the door in 15 minutes, sometimes less. It’s impressive sometimes. In that time I fill my Nalgene, pack my bags, feed the cat and get dressed (obviously), while grabbing breakfast and lunch.

Because this is word, still, there is no end to the writing. I’m just going to keep going. So I should really call it a night.

At lunch time today, I went to borders, picked up a copy of New Moon, and started reading it in Starbucks with a grande hot chocolate with whipped cream. More than anywhere else in Glasgow, I think Borders Starbucks is my favourite place to be; to sit.

I love it. When my lunch time had well expired I bought the book and went back to work. Now, I am not so happy that I started to read it. The last one ended so nicely, and now it’s just drama. It’s almost like watching Dawson’s creek again, Joey and Dawson, are they together or are they not.

Anyway – have I yet expressed my great happiness at the fact that Katie Holmes is NOT in the new Batman movie. How much do I want to see that movie. Maggie Gyllenhall will be so much better because 1. She’s not irritating, and 2. She can speak out of her whole mouth and not just the side, and 3. she was never in dawson’s creek.

Pah Ha.

It’s well past bedtime and I am shattered. No nap today. Here’s hoping I get a sleeping pattern back soon.

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