I LOVE APPLE; or, Fifth Mac.

Fifth mac.

Yes.

Fifth.

Right now I'm in a room with three macs. A G4 Tower, A Powerbook G4 and a MacBook Pro.

What's amazing is that I'm working on the powerbook, while I wirelessly stream my music through the mac book pro into my harmon kardon soundsticks.

Why is that Apple is so easy to use. I didn't have to set this strange network up. They found each other. Nick found James. It's kind of sad that they are talking to each other and one is going to replace the other, but just now it's a happy family of macs.

MACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMAC

SO EXCITED.

MACBOOKPROMACBOOKPRO

MACBOOKPRO

MACBOOKPROMACBOOKPRO
MACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPROMACBOOKPRO

I'm slowly loosing my mind, all work and no play makes Vikki a dull girl. I also need to find someone to travel with, I'm dying to travel.

How amazing though. Fifth mac, Fourth Mac, Third Mac... all in the one room. Second Mac is either still with Kate or sold on gum tree and first mac was biege (enough said).

Anyway. Back to work. I need to have a shower.

Playlist One One One: The Evidence.

My Wedding Dress Dot Com

Okay, so I tend not to be a girl in most things. Or rather, I try not to be. When I was younger I was more of a girl than I am now and I used to think about my wedding day and how perfect it would be.. blah blah blah. I wanted to get married in the San Diego temple. Or I wanted to be married here in Glasgow with kilts and parties etc etc.

I stopped dreaming and thinking about it though because i'm really not all that fussed anymore.

However, thinking about one's wedding dress is one of those things that I do indulge in. I was just skimming on ebay for some vintage dresses (not specifically wedding dresses) and came across this little number:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Vintage-50s-Strapless-LACE-Wedding-Party-DRESS-Shrug_W0QQitemZ380048971934QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item380048971934&_trksid=p3286.m14.l1318

I like it :) I would, however, modify it of course.

So if anyone feels like proposing in the next six days and one hour let me know, and I'll bid on this dress.

Seven Point Nine Hours

It's Thursday. Which means the swimming stats will come later. However, first and foremost something amazing just happened.

I created the best playlist in the world ever. Now, I know I have claimed this in the past, but those playlists (that I usually make for other people) are the best playlists in the world that they've ever heard. This playlist is the best playlist in the world that I have ever heard. I thought that the June playlist, which was inevitably the China playlist as well, was pretty amazing, but this tops the lot.

I made a smart playlist on iTunes that gathers the top listened to 111 songs. yes I am obsessed with the 11's and the 1's.

I just finished my first ever listen through the whole thing. 7.9 hours of the most amazing music and memories ever. I am well pleased. As time progresses so will the playlist. That is the beauty of it, it will always be the best playlist in the world ever. This is a fact.

I have some amazing pictures of the past couple of days to post as well. Possibly tonight after swimming, while watching still Game perhaps :)

I've also been eating peanut butter M&Ms like they're going out of fashion, and the supply is running low. GASP.

I'll tell you me though, I made an absolutely spiffing dinner last night. AMAZING. I should screenshot the playlist, I'm that much in love with it.

My 17inch Mac Daddy Pro will be with me on Saturday. Pleased.

I also have no ceilings in the bathroom and kitchen, a possibility that I'm breating in asbestos and a bedroom and living room filled with junk from the aforementioned ceiling-less rooms. BAH. My stress levels and acid levels are beyond high. I need to get a grip of my life. Hmmm. I also need to call the docooootototor for some more prescription. The magic of the NHS. NN HHH SSS.

Also, I downloaded The Lost Boys last night because I'm far too cheap and skint to buy it, but there was no sound, so I am re-downloading it again. I got an overwhelming desire to see it because I've been reading the twilight saga. I think it's because I want the ending to be how I see it, and I'm not concerned with Bella, Jacob or Edward. What I want is for for Bella's Dad – Charlie – to make some sly comment at the end about how he always knew there were vampires and werewolves. I actually want her Mum and Dad to do that. Just like how The Lost Boys ends. I love that scene, I think it might be one of my all time favourite scenes.

I looked for it on YouTube there to no avail. When my version downloads I'll chop it and post it for you to see what I mean. It's the best part of the whole movie. Perhaps the best part of the 80s.

There's some crazy competitions just now that I keep hearing about, one is a straight out art competition, there's one that encourages people to make a movie of their home town, one to make a flag that will unite the world, and a church art competition. I want to enter them all. But I am severly lacking in time. What was it that Wee John told me, 'Is time on your side?' No it's not wee john there's far too much to do. Far too much. On top of that I still have Ross's website (if he still wants me to do it), Justin's logo, Mary's work too and now Mark's sister's poetry book. I'm happy to do them all, life just gets in the way of everything. And then I want to start my record label, publicise Bleary (I <3 Bleary... you will see how much when I post my 111 playlist haha), save the world, start one of my many books that I plan on making. Who honestly has the time. On top of all that I am actually working and paying back my debts. I don't know how normal people manage it, then all I want to do is knit, bake, and sew things. I love being me and having my strange desires but I am so busy it's unreal. So busy. If you ever see me looking bored or moaning that there's nothing to do send me home and tell me to do one of the many many things that need done.

I also started redesigning my tunasandwich site, so that needs finished off and coded. Bah. And I have countless pictures that I want to make in to stencils, as well as actually grow the balls to stencil outside. For which I would need my logo stencil done and some text. I don't want to just put up imagery I want to make people think.

Anyway. Time is pressing and I better do some more design work before hitting the pool and re-assembling the house.

I kind of want some salmon. Shame i have no money. noooo money. Grrrr. Anyone want to buy me salmon for dinner?

I'm Not Ill and You're Not Dead...

.... Doesn't that make us the perfect pair?

I had something that was partially intersting to say. I can't remember what it was now.

I'll tell you though. There were workmen here the this morning because they want to take the ceiling away, but they're coming back tomorrow. However, I've had to clean and empty the bathroom and kitchen areas. This led me to come across a Teenage Mutant HERO turtles mug that was sitting on a unit burried under soda streams and tin foil (that's tin foil not aluminum foil.. PAH).

Violin lesson went okay.

I bought a mac book pro today. 17inch mac daddy pro, it should be here on Friday, which means the weekend will be spent transferring, wiping and listing on ebay :( I love Nick the 17inch Mac Daddy, but we will be getting Bates the 17inch Mac Daddy Pro. PROOOOOO.

With that little extra kick, a remote control and a web cam. Someone stop me, I'm going to make some lie budget movies.

Remind me to enter all the competitions i keep reading about.

I have so much to do, and no time. It's crazy.

BAH... that's it.

I had a really freaky dream. I dreamed I went to see the doctor and she automatically gave me some kind of fertility test. Weird?

And then she sat me down and told me in a really sad and serious voice that (of course this was while I was crashing my car, running around town, having my family randomly floating around me) she was really sorry, but my eggs were over producing and that meant that I was exceptionally fertile. At which point I got kind of excited. Then she continued to say that 'they could not be chryogenically frozen.' Then I realised I was about to embark on some kind of organ interferring adventure or operation. Then I got really sad.

I need to stop going to sleep, because everytime I wake up I just get sad again. Then after about 2 hours I'm fine.

I damn thee to hell glandular fever. Did I mention my new enlightenment? Glandular Fever can be brought on by huge emotional events. More and more things about December keep adding up. I wish I had never left.

I love people that sing in Scottish accents.

I love Scottish bands in general. I'm always surprised at the amount of amazing Scottish bands.

The Twilight Sad
Frightened Rabbit
Biffy Clyro
Idlewild
The Proclaimers
Camera Obscura
Belle and Sabastian
Garbage


and the ones I don't know so well
Franz Ferdinand
The Fratellis

Anyway, i have work to do. Or bed to go to. I don't know which is the most logical choice at this time. Hmmm.

Time For Another Good Idea, Bad Idea.

Good Idea.

Drinking Chamomile Tea in bed.

Bad Idea.

Drinking Chamomile Tea in bed when there's still work to be done.

zzzzzzzz

and now I need the toilet... badly.

Quote of the day

The smaller the attendance the bigger the history. There were 12 people at the Last Supper. Half a dozen at Kitty Hawk. Archimedes was on his own in the bath.


Also...

There's a scary bull dog that lives downstairs. I walk past him at least twice a day. He now sniffs the air around me and smiles while wagging his tail. He used to terrify me – now he just wants me to love him.

I scream.

I scream you scream.

It turns out I scream while travelling down a fake ski slope in a rubber tyre. This is a fact.

I will have photographic and video evidence of it once my boss uploads it.

Friday was the 'Good' day out, and given Murphy's law it was peeing with rain. Most of the day it just drizzled, so we were all soaking at the ski slope from the rain and from the tiny little sprinklers that keep the plastic slippery.

But I'll tell you me it was possibly the best fun I've had in a long long time. Going down the slope over and over again with more and more people joining on - it was amazing. The more people that went down together the faster the first slope would be and the higher we would reach on the opposite slope. It was amazing. I seriously want to do it again.

We then went to Keith's gaff which was out in the country which meant they had a garden large enough to hold a trampoline. You didn't have to tell me about that twice, I was on it in a shot. And therein was my downfall. It had been raining non-stop and the trampoline was saturated with water, not to mention the grass that I stood on with my socks before getting on the trampoline. I then spent the next 9 hours in my wet shoes, with no socks. I could feel them wrinkle Bah. I was on the trampoline again, but with shoes this time and I fell over completely. Rufus, an awesome guy called Stuart and I were bouncing at the same time, and it was just madness. Slippery maddness. Stuart fell too and was completely ringing.

We then had a barbeque - in the rain (under a canopy), and played frisbee up a hill in the rain. Ruf' kept chucking the frisbee over the wall and as he was running about with his trousers rolled up with no shoes on, clutching a broom, Chris L asked him if he was off to play a game of quiddich. Rufus Potter. I swear I couldn't stop laughing for about 20 minutes. It was the perfect joke at the perfect time. AMAZING.

I got home and slept and spent a lot of Saturday reading Full Moon and then met Mary and Donna for hot chocolate and cake. It was so much fun.

While I was driving Donna home we were boob-dazzled by a random girl in a flouncy white top that was a skirt but also a leotard that had the biggest thruppney bits i've seen in a long time and they were not hiding. I think they even sparkled and glittered haha.

I'd woken Saturday morning feeling like I had a cold or something else in the chest. I think I've still got the glandular fever-gitis. It would explain a lot. Considering my mood as well. I did some google research last night and discovered that people have reported having the fever-gitis for months and months. I knew it would be for ever, but appear and go, but this was people reporting having it prevalant for 6 months. I don't think I ever got over it. I think I need to go on a high vitamin diet filled with a lots of herbal remedies.

Sunday made me want to sleep and I ended up missing church because when I woke up I felt just as ill as i had on Saturday and then I tried to sleep it off and then slept in too much. Grrr. When I woke up properly I just felt horrible, and then the rest of the day I just wanted to be a ball. A small ball.

I spent the early afternoon finishing Full Moon, and I used this lunch time to buy eclipse and start reading it. You could say that I am addicted to the Twilight saga hmmm.

My throat is a bit hurty just now. I might get the things I need to do done and then go to bed.

I wanted to blog some more about my viewing of Wall•E and how it made me cry because of the possibility that the world might turn out like that. I didn't buy into the robot love story I was just upset at the fat people and the disasterous world.

Call me crazy.

I've been so anxious all day today, and I don't know why. I SERIOUSLY have to get rid of this glandular fever. Ridiculous.

The Death of a Bracelet and other updates, thoughts, and observations.

So, my internet is currently broken and I can’t be bothered spending hours trying to fix it, so I hope it fixes itself for the weekend.

Something tragic has happened (other than the internet not working and me having to type this in word – I have to vent somehow) I glanced at my wrist about 15 minutes ago and felt there was something not quite right, so I kept looking and realised that the green, white, black and purple bracelet is gone. GONE. What’s that about. I had it at graduation, that’s a fact. I have NEVER lost a bracelet without noticing. I ALWAYS notice, I ALWAYS find them. So I’m still holding out hope that I might be able to find it. Even if it means swimming to the bottom of that skanky pool and fishing the beads out one by one. That’s where I’m assuming I lost it, at the pool tonight.

Here are the stats. Quite pitiful if you ask me, but here we go:

1450m in 50 minutes

200m Front Crawl
100m Breast Stroke
100m Back Stroke
200m Front Crawl legs
100m Breast Stroke Legs
100m Back Crawl Legs

With Paddles
200m Front Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl

Without Paddles
25m Front Crawl
25m Breast Stroke
25m Front Crawl
25m Back Crawl

50m Swim Down.

It was Amie’s third birthday today, so I swung by the scout hall to give her birthday hugs and to scran her birthday cake – Thomas the Tank Engine. I AM SO PLEASED. It reminded me of this little plastic cup I used to have that I would drink my warm milk out of every night before bed. I loved that cup. It was one of the things that never made it out of the house on the day my mum broke in to get our stuff. That’s another story for another day though.

I must look on ebay and see if I can’t find one, like I found My Little Pony ear muffs like I used to wear.

I then came home, cooked dinner, watched some still game (which made me laugh erratically), then played some violin before embarking on the small amount of work that needed done before tomorrow, only I can’t do it because I need to convert a font from True Type to Postscript, but I can’t because I don’t know how to and only the internet can tell me. LAME.

Anyway.

I laughed so much at still game. There was this one part where Jack and Victor went to see their friend who’s wife had just died and he had been pissing in a pot under the bed because going into the bathroom reminded him of his wife too much. Jack and Victor were asked to take the pot out from under the bed because their other friend had burnt his hand and couldn’t lift it. So they both made a farce out of trying to get it, and trying to pretend the other couldn’t reach it so they wouldn’t have to do it. When it was finally taken out from under the bed – it was gross and cloudy – Victor took an empty pot and pretended to empty it onto Jack, which was funny enough. But then when Victor lifted the actual pee pot he tripped on the carpet and actually emptied it all over Jack and I could not stop laughing, out loud. It scared me a little. Because a laugh is a sign to another human being that everything is alright, there are no other humans, and I was laughing out loud on my own. I think I’m starting to go mental. Or maybe it really was that funny.

So, I’ve realised that I am doing an ‘Earl’, from My Name is Earl. However, rather than correcting all the things I have done wrong to people I am correcting all the things I should have done or shouldn’t have given up on. Hence the violin and the desire to skateboard. So the list so far, in the past few years is this:

Strong, fast swimmer (I always wanted to swim in the Olympics ALWAYS – still do)

Competent violin player, possibly able to play in a band like Andrew Bird, Jens Lekman, Caribou, Iron and Wine and, I think, Cocorosie too.

Skateboarder like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future

Write a fiction book.

Write a non-fiction book.


An animator

Photography

Cyclist

Runner

A vampire slayer

A drummer (a guitarist, bassist and general rock star)

A graffiti artist

A punk in the seventies

A girl

A non-girl

Now I’m just being crazy and silly.

A make up artist

A model

An actress



Anyway, I’m getting silly with these. But the first ones are real.

I was looking at some girls today in the swimming pool, and I realised I cannot compete. I can’t ever compete with the girls who wear bikinis for no reason other than to be looked at. I can’t do that – ever. And one of the things I didn’t like about Salt Lake is that there were a lot of girls like that. They would be the most modestly dressed on a Sunday, but given half the chance – Hallowe’en, sitting by the pool, swimming, hot tubing, hiking, being in the sun in general, pool parties, and everything else that would involve group hanging and being outside – they would be in short skirts, bikinis, short shorts, tank tops, spaghetti strap tops etc etc, and I just can’t do that any more. That was my life for a while, but no more. And the excuse of being on holiday, or it being too hot is just rubbish, for me anyway. I used to like the attention I got, and the staring from boys when I did dress immodestly. But, I am so over it, I am so done with it, and if that means I have no sniff at competing then screw it. Screw it all. Fact.

The internet is working again, and I managed to find a video clip of the Still Game Scene.

SERIOUSLY… You have to watch it.




I think more than anything that’s what’s still upsetting my about Utah. It’s the fact that I was unnecessarily and un-wanting-ly entered into a competition that I didn’t know how to handle. It is a fact and widely known fact that citizens of the United Kingdom date differently from those in the United States, not to mention the residents of Utah. So, I was left confused when I felt like I was shoved into some kind of competition for attention. It was so odd, and the kind of thing that I will write an essay on if I ever work out the dynamics of what actually happened. I tell you this though, I might have found the reason there’s so much depression and medicated depression in the US, it’s because during the dating process no one actually knows where they stand and they end up getting anxious and try too hard.

That’s my problem, when I’m faced with competition I become too obsessed with being perfect that I forget to just be normal. It steals my confidence and I just have no idea how to behave, or what to say, because I start to care too much. Care too much about what the person thinks, and what everyone else thinks. In my natural environment I couldn’t care less what people think, but this Utah adventure I was so self-conscious, and I attribute that purely and solely to the fact that without realising it I was competing with everyone in the state. Every single female. And I didn’t like it. I don’t think my adventure with Utah is over yet. I’ve still not written an single essay about that place, but I need to. I think that’s one of my definite angles. To start talking and writing about religion as a solution to problems rather than the cause of problems. I’m not sure though. Where better to start that a state that’s technically a colony of religion. Ha.

So, here I do my make up on the train, let my hair dry by itself and never straighten it. When in Utah I have to do my make up, pluck the brows, straighten the hair and take about an hour to get ready. Here, I’m out the door in 15 minutes, sometimes less. It’s impressive sometimes. In that time I fill my Nalgene, pack my bags, feed the cat and get dressed (obviously), while grabbing breakfast and lunch.

Because this is word, still, there is no end to the writing. I’m just going to keep going. So I should really call it a night.

At lunch time today, I went to borders, picked up a copy of New Moon, and started reading it in Starbucks with a grande hot chocolate with whipped cream. More than anywhere else in Glasgow, I think Borders Starbucks is my favourite place to be; to sit.

I love it. When my lunch time had well expired I bought the book and went back to work. Now, I am not so happy that I started to read it. The last one ended so nicely, and now it’s just drama. It’s almost like watching Dawson’s creek again, Joey and Dawson, are they together or are they not.

Anyway – have I yet expressed my great happiness at the fact that Katie Holmes is NOT in the new Batman movie. How much do I want to see that movie. Maggie Gyllenhall will be so much better because 1. She’s not irritating, and 2. She can speak out of her whole mouth and not just the side, and 3. she was never in dawson’s creek.

Pah Ha.

It’s well past bedtime and I am shattered. No nap today. Here’s hoping I get a sleeping pattern back soon.

Left Over Pastry.

Okay, so I had left over pie crust from last weeks baking endevours, so I made some jam tarts today. Yes, I know what you're thinking, 'That dough is a week old.' Well, I'm cooking it, so I'm sure it's grand, and it's been in the fridge, in tin foil. That's tin foil, not aluminum foil. Pah.

I watched/listened to Ed Byrne on You Tube, his entire DVD is on there in nine parts, and there was one section that spoke about Americans and how he hated the way they said aluminum foil, aluminum cans, because everyone knows it's pronounce Tin Foil. It made me laugh a lot. A LOT. In my head though because I was in work.

So, I've had a lot of realisations this week, and I suppose I have two choices, I either ask questions to get a clarifying and confirming perspective, or I just continue down this path that might lead to self-destruction. Fact.

Anyway, let's show you what we all came here for.





Check out that plate.

I have this amamzing tea set that I got with Eilidh in Inverness once. It's china with gold sparkley designs on it. I decided to sell it on ebay. I sold it for £9, but then I outbid the bidder with my Mum's account because I decided I wanted to keep it. It is amazing, and it will look wicked in my totally kitsch future house, with my Hello Kitty Toaster - if I didn't blow it up the day I got it back from New York. I wonder if Canadian Steve ever fixed it.

Anyway, check out my jam tarts. They are not like any other tarts because they are not the traditional round shape, no no, they are heart and star shaped. Why? Because that's the only cutters I could find.

I ate a gazillion of them already. I'm eating for two now, so I'm allowed. (two being me and the cat.)

Today was another day of 'I remember every Kiss' by Jens. I love Jens. I love his little accent that peaks through while he sings. I think I might marry him. I've decided. I'm going to tell him tomorrow at 1:37pm and then he can write a song about.

I should really update my vector/avatar because i no longer have my skunk hair. I'm growing all the colour out. A person with money would die over it, someone cheap like me would let it grow out.

I am shattered and I'm going to bed now. I want some chamomile tea, however, I am far too lazy to walk downstairs and boil the kettle.

I also went for my second violin lesson today. I'm so excited the music I was given was so exciting. I can't wait to be a professional. It will be wicked.

I finished twilight today. It seems to have come to a bit of an anti-climax. The whole action section seemed to just end, and it got very same-y. It was the same thing over and over again. I mean, it was entertaining, it's the most romance i'm getting this summer haha, but i started to get irritated at how needy Bella was. The vampire needs space girl. Then I realised how obsessive I am about boys, and how I need to stop that (again), because it just ruins everything, and my only comfort is that it might not be too late. But it more than likely is.

Still no word from fabrica. Two months, exactly, today was when they received my folio. So, it's any time from now. I don't even know if I want to go any more. I feel like it's holding me back from making other decisions now. But I suppose whatever is meant to be will be and it will work out in the end.

I hope.

I faith.

I robot.

I hungry.

I need tea.

I sleepy.

I need teeth brush.

I need to read the next twilight saga book.

I need vampire love.

I need love.

I cat.

iCat

iFreak

iAddict

iScottish

iGeek

iCrazy

iObsessive

iAsleepOnFaceNow

iMeow.

ixxx


iStillFrameAnimation. I've decided, after animating some 360 degree laptop views in flash that I want to make my third still frame animation. I decided it a few weeks ago, in passing, but now I'm serious. Now I need a song, and a plot and a script, and some willing actors - or toys.

Things I Have Learned In My Life So Far.

The time has come for me to impart some wisdom that does not belong to me.

Stefan Sagmeister's Things He has Learned speaks volumes for the things I should be learning, the things I have learned, and about the things I think we have all learned in life so far.

Here is his list of twenty with my own commentary in italics underneath.

I salute you Sagmeister.

1. Assuming is stifling.

Fact. I assume too much, and never clarify anything, and it drives me insane. I get lost in my assumptive thoughts and think and replay people, events, and things over and over to the point that it does stifle me. Less assuming. More fact inquiry perhaps.

2. Being not truthful works against me.

I actually can't lie, people can tell I'm lying, so I'm with Sagmeister on this one. It also just leads to stress of maintaining the un-truth.

3. Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.

Being British, I have to complain. That's what we do: moan to each other A LOT about nothing then move on. I think we dwell in more of sentimental memory way rather than a bitter way. We also like to keep our complaints for further conversation. But then I suppose it does drag down the tone and demenour of the conversation.

4. Drugs are fun in the beginning but become a drag later on.

I don't really have a comment on this one because I have no first hand experience of it.

5. Everybody (always) thinks they are right.

Of course they do. They will always think they are right until they are proven wrong. You know?

6. Everybody who is honest is interesting.

I like this one. I hope I am an honest person. I don't lie, but I do tend to avoid being upfront, honest and open. Again this is attributed to being British I think, and being partly cowardly. However, there are times in my life that I have been open and honest and the benefits have been greatly rewarding. But then opportunities to explore further honesty expire, and then I just fear the bad timing and I assume the responses and answers. No assuming, no shut mouthed dishonesty. Perhaps it is dishonesty to not speak what we are thinking all the time?

7. Everything I do always comes back to me.

Everything has consequences. I've not had direct experience of this in a negative. I think I watch my own back too much. From a design perspective it is a fact, everything always comes back eventually. I have had things I've said come back to me, but I never remember saying them. Always things that I try and pass off as facts - because everything I think and say is right.

8. Having guts always works out for me.

I don't really have any of those. But I'll let you know if I grow any. Well, travelling I suppose. It's always worked out. I've never been stranded, I've always made friends, I've made things happen. That takes guts I suppose. Talking in public, having an opinion takes guts too. I wish I had more passion about my convictions again. I get so easily trodden down, and decide that my voice isn't worth much in the noise. I need to have more guts. Decide what I believe in and preach it.

9. Helping other people helps me.

Fact. I always feel really good about myself when I can be helpful. I also like to not talk about the things I do do for people. It seems to take away from the humble happiness and strength I am awarded when I am of some kind of service to other people.

10. If I want to explore a new direction professionally, it is helpful to try it out for myself first.

I've never been that brave. I'm trying to. But we'll see how it pans out.

11. Joemmera isch bloed. I soet eappas tua odr's vergessa.

Your guess is as good as mine. FreeTranslation.com?

12. Keeping a diary supports personal development.

I cannot tell you how many diaries I have. I have a few completed, I have some that were abandonned, but, right now, I have a sketch book diary that I do crazy drawings and write really basic things in (it's almost david shrigley esque), I have my blog, I have an actual writing diary somwhere, I have a blessings and gratitude diary that I use to think about the things in my life that are blessings, I have a feelings, emotions and confidence notebook (that i've not written in in a while) that I use for quick notes to work out patterns in my life and emotions. I think it's tremendously important, because it helps to focus and channel everything that's in my mind. It helps me to think clearly, chart a path, and realise my real thoughts, feelings and reactions. Without my diaries, I would be mental - moreso than I am.

13. Low expectations are a low strategy.

This has always worked for me. It might seem tragic, but it's not. I mean, I have aims, goals, ambitions etc etc and above all I have passion, but I also don't expect too much from myself because I know myself too well, and if I keep letting myself down and don't achieve the things I set out to do I will just hate myself and then not trust myself to accomplish anything. So small goals, low expectations that lead to high and promising goals is how I work.

14. Material luxuries are best enjoyed in small doses.

Yes. I am an anti-consumer. Well anti-unnecessary consumer. And having too many things just makes us sick. What to we do with them all, when do we have the time to use them all? We're too busy working to pay them all off. I hate money, I hate things. My most valued possessions are all books, journals and other artifacts from my life that bring back happy memories and prove that I existed.

15. Money does not make me happy.

It makes me miserable. Once I am out of debt and I actually have no money rather than negative money I will be the happiest person in the world. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY. Just to be legitamitely back at zero again. It would be nice to not have to worry about money, or where the food's coming from etc etc, but I don't think that security would make me happy either. Where's the excitement?

16. My dreams have no meanings.

My dreams have meanings to me, but I don't think they do mean anything more than that I was doing that or thinking that on that day. I've read up on some of my dream interpretations before and they all say the same thing. It's like reading the daily horoscope.

17. Over time I start getting used to everything and start taking it for granted.

Fact. Especially people. Then the people leave, or I just assume they will leave, so I take them for granted so it makes it easier when they do leave me. I was on the train today and I was thinking about my 20 minute journey out of the city and I was thinking about how many people in the world would probably kill for my Glasgow/European life, because it is an experience. I've just been experiencing it for so long I take it for granted.

18. Starting a charity is surprisingly easy.

Good, because I want to start one.

19. Thinking life will be better in the future is stupid. I have to live now.

This is so true. Everyone sits around, or gets stuck in their routine with the decision and idea that everything will be better eventually, that things will work out, that everything will get happier, that everything is just a temporary event until they can 'afford' to do what they want, that the future will hold everything they ever dreamed of and more. I hold my hand up guilty as for this one. I mull around waiting for something to happen rather than taking the Bull by the horns and making my life happy now. I know what I need to do. So I should be doing everything within my means to do it, instead of waiting around hoping it will all work out for me and I will be happy with no effort on my behalf.

20. Trying to look good limits my life.

This is by far my favourite one. I have spent so many years trying to work out how to dress to attract people, to attract friends, to look cool, to be viewed as amazing, unique or different. But now, I couldn't care less. I think this, essentially, will lead to my demise or the loss of some kind of competition. But I really can't be bothered any more. There's so many more important things in the world than being super skinny, than having straightened UK hair all the time, than having eybrows that have been plucked to nothing, than wearing high heels, skirts, low cut tops and anything else that I used to do to try and be noticed. I can't be bothered any more. I would much rather just be unnoticed. I haven't brushed my hair since Sunday morning, and I do my make up on the train every morning. I mean, I still take a certian amount of pride in my appearance, but I do dress like a scruff most of the time. Gone are the days. I wish I did look like Tank Girl though. That would be amazing.

21. Worrying solves nothing.

This is true, but I am a natural born worrier and it makes me ill, I think. That's why I seem to stress so much over the simplest things. I get so worked up and so involved in my own worry about everything from the world to what I said on Sunday night at dinner. You know? I just think too much and worry too much, especially about what other people think of me. But nothing ever is resolved with worry. Honesty, truth, being up-front: that solves problems, not worry. But I continue to worry regardless. Worrying really hinders my life. I need to be free to feel like I can do whatever I want, be whomever I want without worrying or caring what other people think or their reactions. When did I start caring so much?



So it turns out there's 21. I think the one in Austrian/German/French may or may not count.

Who knows.

Anyway.

In other news.

I started reading Twilight. While I was in Utah I was leant a copy of Twilight by Stephanie Mayer. And because of my 'working from home' situation when I was home I felt like I should be working, so I had a tendency to not do the things that entertained and relaxed me, like reading.

I only made it about 60 pages into the book and then I had to come home.

Last week I had a hankering to find out what happened. It had been a few weeks and I kept thinking I wonder where that story was going. So I got on it, bought it on Amazon and received it on Friday.

I've been reading it since. I'm more than half way through and so in love with the vampire main character dude.

It's pretty much Buffy and Angel but in a less developed manner, without the passion of Buffy and Angel.

Buffy and Angel were the best Vampire/Human couple ever. So amazing.

But yeah, I am totally taken by twilight because it essentially is a romance story with a vampire. So I'm getting my kick of love and romance through a book just now. Living my life procariously through fictional characters that exist in my head haha.

I wish a tall dark handsome muscle-y vampire would fall in love with me and try and read my thoughts and rescue me from dangerous situations.

Go me and my awesomeness.

Still no news from Italy. I hate waiting, but that's it though, everything rides on that response.

Ahhh.

Elitism, Nemi, Life, Week, Thoughts, Unicorns.

One last cheeky wee post before bed.

The update of my week, and some more random pictures.

I was at Kate's last night and I was telling her all about my life and how I think I have lost confidence in myself and how I need to refind my stability, possibly through spirituality.

She told me to always be myself.

Today's message of the chai was this:



It speaks such volumes. Every day i get excited and confident about who I am, then I go to sleep, and when I wake up I'm back to square one again. It's weird.

Today was the 11th of July. Good old 11. I saw the 11th minute of many hours today, as well as being sent an email at 9:11am.

Seriously, 9 11. 9th of November or 11th of September? Hopefully the former. I don't know if i can wait that long.

Okay so, Gail, an ace girl I work with, sent me an email telling me to look at a T-shirt she though I might like.

It had this image on it:


I love it.

I then browsed the rest of the site

and found these amazing graphics that made me laugh...

... a lot.



Because he does help me.



The pi number with a cherry. Cherry Pie. get it? Get it?



And this could very well be me.

The last one goes hand in hand with a comic strip in the metro that appeared a few weeks ago.

Kate has always said the I remind her of Nemi, except for the whole drunken and sex thing (and today she was also scared of water - kind of fitting to my near death experience last night).



and I also read this story this week in the metro



and this made me laugh



I've decided not to put the story that made me want to vomit up. It was too horrific.

Anyway. Although I might appear like an elitist after a long think (after Bretter icksen accused me of being an elitist) about it I realised i'm not really. Who am I being Elite with? Who is in my Elite?

I am possibly selfish, yes.

I am a sentimental fool, this is a fact. A proper fact not just any kind of fact that I usually pass off as fact. I attach memories to songs, depending on who I was listening to the songs with, where I was, what mood I was in etc etc. I love music because the music gives me memories and allows for more to be added and created.

It is mean that I do not want to afford others the same experience, but I don't like it when a song of mine, which I hold dearly, is taken and used and sung by people who will never know the true value of it.

Really it's not about elitism, it's about not wanting to share my life and most personal memories with every Tom Dick and Harry in the world. Perhaps I could even be called slightly judgemental because I judge the people as unable to appreciate the song.

I don't know.

I was just thinking about some terrific family guy episodes I watched recently, and that reminded me of Steve from work who said today, after I mentioned the name Dick Van Dyke, that I should use his politically correct name Penis Van Lesbian.

I've never thought about it before, but it is true, the use of the words Dick and Dkye can be offensive.

How's that for an amusing thought for the day.

I'm not sure what I'll do this weekend, more than likely it will involve trees, unicorns, fender violins, camera lenses, sleep, candy mountain, dinosaurs, leopleurodon, magic, hogwarts, maps, looking up flights to see where i can escape to, meh.

I'm sure i'll find out.

Here's another thought. I love that I live in the centre of time. GMT is it. How is that for elitism. Britons are elitists. We live in the centre of time. No + or - numbers for us. we are it.

Fact.

I've misplaced my scalpel. Be warned. It's very sharp, and very missing.

Graduation Competition Prize.

Also, I have one large graduation picture which will be my Mother's.

One Medium sized, Two small and four random smaller ones.

You can win one of my graduation pictures of awesome if you answer this one simple question:

What is the capital city of my world?

Answers on a postcard or back of a sealed address envelope to

Vikki Miller Queen of the World
Vikkiville (the Capital of the world)
KK1 111

Spot The Difference: Three Years Later and the Meaning of Plastic

Sincerly Let's do this.



Okay here we have exhibit one.

To the left is 2008, to the right 2005.

• Fur missing


• hair longer


• fringe


• hair not as white


• Not looking like a cow


• Feigning happiness


• Purple T-shirt


• more freckles


• belt


• Eyebrows more like eybrows rather than upside down Nike signs


• Face not as filled with chocolate digestives


• Less noticable bags under eyes


• bracelet additions

As for my wrist.

Not a lot of people know anything about my tacky plastic bracelets. I don't think I've ever given a full blogging explanation of them either.

Back in the day, after I met Eilidh and my life changed for the better and I moved to Dundee I started to dress with more character. Part of that was the donning of many bracelets and appendages up both arms from wrist to elbow. Sincerly. I wish I had pictures of them in their full glory.

I'm not sure when, or why I took them off, but what's on my left arm is what is left that I can't take off. Can't as in don't want to emotionally, not can't as in can not. Because I do take them off when I'm at the temple.

Anyway, looking back to 2005 we have 5 bracelets.

Here in 2008 we have 9.

Each one of them represents a certain time, a certain person, or certain place in my life. Just as hunters take a tooth from the animals they kill I take plastic beads from the eras in my life that I need to remember that I have either left behind, over come, or triumphed in.

Should we go through them?

The ones that cross over from 05 - 08
Purple, White, Black, Green:
Given to me when I was 17 by Paul Hichens at my very first YSA convention in Billingham. After the convention I never knew who he was, how to contact him, or anything. Just Paul, with the white hair, the studded belt and the cool taste in music. It was all about the music.

I found him electronically last year :)

It pretty much kick starts my life though, life post-high school. Entering the era of being a rock dresser, verging on goth; the start of the passion for music.

Random colours with giant blue bead:

This one is all about the end of my first year at university and the trip that brought 150 18/19 year olds to London, on three coaches. I bought it in London, in Top Shop in Oxford street and it represents flatmates of amazingness, Peterson halls, Animation and Graphic Design, General Course at Duncan of Jordanstone, a year of madness; new people; new friends; new adventures; new crushes, loves and obsessions; and the triumph of one of my obsessions leading to my first kiss. Yes, I was the ripe age of 19 and with braces when I had my first kiss. Terrifying.

Black bead and silver tubed bracelet:
Given to me by Adam 'the awesome' Lang. He more than likely does not remember such, but I remember the summer that was. It was an amazing summer, in 2003. I had spent most of the time working in the Thistle Hotel being a bar tender. Which I had been inspired to do after I befriended Canadian Patrick the hottest bar tender at the union. Well this wasn't the reason, it was coincidence that I became a bar tender but I loved doing it. The nights were spent with Eilidh and Dawn in the cat house or at the QMU. Tuesday night was our night and we would oft frequent Revolution. I had my car, it was an amazing summer.

The night before the summer ended I bumped into, literally, Adam Lang, who said something rather poetic and dramatic and then thrust the bracelet on to my wrist and left in a sweeping motion that seemed like we would never cross paths again.

Little did he know we would cross paths a few more times that night and a few more in the future.

So this wee guy represents the summer of 2003.

Granite, all grey round guy

This one has the least memory and significance attached to it, although it always reminds me of my mum, and second year of uni. So it remains.

Black and white, Black and White
I had two of these, the other was given to a friend of mine. This represents my entire third year of university. The friends I made in Graphic Design; sitting next to Barry the whole time; hanging out with Richy, Ryan and Chris; Freshers team as well (which started that year). This bracelet also broke for the first time (they've all broken and been restrung) in the Hawkhill flat while I was hanging some pictures. The claw of the hammer hooked it and snapped it. I figured it was a sign. It very well was.

Additions since 2005
Purple faded star which looks white now:
Given to me by Kate for my 22nd Birthday marking the end of University, the end of Dundee, the end of being 21.

Black star with pearly looking rough tube beads:
Given to me by maw in December 2005 for Christmas. This was when I had just started working, I had a new triad (Mary and Charla). I met Donna. I got back in proper friendship-ness with Toni. I started working on being more spiritual and taking my religion more seriously that I had previously done. It pretty much represents a butt load of changes in my life.

This star one and the purple star one both have the limbo period between receiving each, where I started the change.

Black White Star
Given to me by Nicola it marked new friendships, the end of working and the start of masters.

Black and White Buttons

In 2007 while visiting Eilidh in London and meeting Justin and his mum I was back in Top shop (back to where the bracelet with the blue bead was first bought) and I came across a necklace made from buttons. I needed something to mark masters year and the things I had been through, so I decided to make a bracelet using the same button idea. Making it myself was also £6 cheaper.

So this is my master of design bracelet, It is my random life; disjointed, unstructured, but good. Very good. It is Justin, it is research, it is all boys I liked. It marks the end of the boy ban. (I purged myself of boys from January 2005 until summer/autumn 2007.) It marks Kate's wedding and the beginning of all the weddings of my friends. It marks freedom, choice, happiness, adventure, realising my strength, realising my potential. It's Eilidh. It's London after six years of learning. It's my dreams JA, my desperation AL, it's my insanity, happiness, and addiction RK, it's my mistakes AP, my new experience BE.


And those are the differences kids, see any more?

Zero Three.

One one zero zero zero zero one.

Zero is my cat. Without her I would live a sad, lonely and stressful life. Sincerly. I had sooty for 10 years of my life and I've had Zero for almost three years of my life, which means there was a time, about 50% of my life that I did not own my own cat.

When I come in from work though I hug and stroke her and it takes everything away. When I wake up she comes for cuddles and it takes away the bitter pain of having to get out of bed.

When I'm up late, or working from home she sits under my left arm while I Sit on my bed with my laptop on my knee.

She likes to bite me, yes. She likes to terrorise me, yes. She likes to poo in the bath to piss me off, yes. She is often called Zeez, Zeezrom, hell beast, satan, evil, yes.

Last year I made her an awesome hat to mark her second birthday.

This year I made her a Pecan Pie.

Here are the results of Zero's birthday party. Me, her and wooden floor.

(Just as a general reminder, this is all tongue in cheek. I like mocking the fact that I could be a crazy cat lady without actually being one. That's why I also send those Christmas emails with Zero, they make me laugh because people do send things like that in seriousness.)



This is the Pecan Pie. It turned into a deep dish pie because I didn't have a large enough pie dish. Hmmmm.



Zero being suspicious of the pie.











Oh you're scared of the pie.

Zero only looks like she's touching, sniffing or eating the pie. This was a hygenic endeavour. Don't worry.

Completely organic and filled with Green and Blacks Dark chocolate. I can cook. FACT.

Death By Watery One-Armed Butterfly Seasoned With The You Tube Finest of The Week.

It's 5:32am and i've still not blogged Zero's birthday. I was doing work from 11 until now. Crazy.

I almost drowned in the swimming pool today, like seriously. To the point that I couldn't breathe, or talk, or get help. Luckily I swim like me so I was able to rescue myself from the pool, but I actually inhaled the water through my mouth and almost choked to death and the lifeguard didn't notice for five minutes. Then I almost cried at the fact at how horrific it had been, but then I just grew a pair, coughed it out, decided I was dying of Pnuemonia and finished the swim.

The stats were going well until that point. Proper work out, then I just half-assed it because my lungs, and throat were still weird. I kept coughing for ages after wards.

here they are the stats:

200m FC
200m FC/BC (25BC, 25FC)
50m FC
50m BC
100 BS
100m One Armed Fly (this is where I choked)
200m FC legs only
100m BS legs only
500m Pyramid with Paddles
100m BS with Paddles
50m Swim down

1650m. In a pitiful 50 minutes. Pah.

I went to see Kate and Ray afterwards and brought them some of my Pecan pie. I seriously need to get those pictures up. They are amazing.

I also found out today that as well as there being an impending X-files movie (I saw the end of the trailer on Friday when I went to see Wanted), Billy Connolly is in it too. AMAZING.


Today's weather was all about the modern leper, filled with tiredness, and with a hint of pneumonia.

I actually came home and turned on the heating and put a hot water bottle on my back where my lung-sticles are. Just in case I die. You will all know my tale.

A tale of two cities.

During the day I always think, 'Man, I need to blog about that.' Then when I am blogging, I forget all the things. I need to be better.

But wait til I tell you this. I was reading the Metro and for the first time I actually felt physically sick at a news article. The last time I felt like that I was watching trainspotting for the first time. But that was fiction, this was real and it happened in Aberdeen. I'm in two minds whether to photograph and show the article. It was horrific.

I love the Metro, but it's all about knife crime, and then Gordon Brown (who is a dictator in my opinion) said he will do whatever it takes, and pass any bill possible to get knives off the street.

Does this sound like the shock and awe tactic? Shock the public and then tell them it's for their own safety when bills are passed in parliament that actually counteract human rights.

It happened in the US after 11th September, and it happened in Burma, China, and everywhere else in the world that there's ever been a disaster, natural or not.

Can I just say that you have to be the rolling stones to get away with the song Emotional Rescue, just the bridge in the middle: I will be your knight in shining armour coming to your emotional rescue, i make you mine I make you mine all mine.

I've also realised that I love singing in my scottish accent. Thank you Frightened Rabbit for helping me see this. I also like songs that use words like la la la, na na na na and that turn a word into a noise like 'that's what I saiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii(d)'



Listen to that and tell me it's not amazing.


Then watch this and tell me you don't still sing that song when you use Magic E.



and then tell me this movie is not going to be amazing PAH HAHAHAHA.



And then tell me what the hell teddy ruxpin's friend is:



I hated Teddy Ruxpin but I spent some time last night or the night before watching tv intros. I hated this. What is that ant thing, it makes me feel sick. That's why I never watched it. I'm insect-ist. Come dream with me tonight? Beat it Teddy Ruxpin and your X in your name.

Then Tell me this wasn't the best cartoon on TV:



And then tell me this wasn't the most mental programme to have kids watch at school to have them learn something. What can we learn from a geordie? haha. For libel reasons I would like to add that I am just joking - there are many things to be learned from a Geordie. I just realised why it was called Geordie racer though. I just thought Geordie was someone's name, not a regional nickname for the residents of said region.



And then tell me this isn't one of the funniest things you've ever seen in your life:



And then tell me that Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't a leg-end:




Watch it or I'll punch your camel.

I just ate...

.. a raspberry.

And as it explused its juice on my tongue and gave me that bitter sweet mouth watering feeling I suddenly remembered being a child and picking berries with my Mum near the observatory in Paisley.

The world is far too polluted now to be able to pick raspberries and blackberries. Sad.

Pecan Pie and Things I have Learned in my life Like how to make Pecan Pie.

Today is Zero's third birthday. So I'm making her cake, or rather Pecan pie. I took a recipe from the wonderful and fabulous Green and Blacks cook book. Amazing.

So, The week has been filled with work, Claire and cleaning (and a short jaunt to edinburgh airport to send my brother on his way).

I left my laptop in the Beir Halle last night after Claire and I munched some pizza. I've not eaten pig in a long time, but for some reason I love black pudding - which is pig.

I could never be a real vegetarian because of Black Pudding.

Anyway... I had black pudding and egg on the pizza. It was incredible.

Tonight I met with my new violin teacher. So exciting. I was terrible, but he said my posture was good, and my sight reading was quite good having not properly played in seven years.

Seven years.

Last week I bought racist Tin Tin in borders as well as Stefan Sagmeisters: Things I've Learned In My Life So Far.

Aparently Sagmeister has only learned 20 things in his life so far, my favourites among them are 'Everyone who is honest is interesting' and 'Trying To Look Good Limits My Life.'

So I've been thinking about things I've leatned in my life so far.

I've been toying with the idea that I've learned that: My Mother and my teachers don't know everything, Having beliefs and morals is essential, Passion is attractive, Being scantily clad only bring temporary, unstable, meaningless attention.

Trying to look good really does limit my life. That's a fact.

I used to want to be cool in school, I thought having brand names would help.

Then I became rock/goth/punk and then I didn't know who I was any more.

I still don't. I found a picture of me from 2005. I looked older than i do now because i was wearing suit jackets and dressing more womanly rather than kiddly. I dress like a boy that's a fact.

I think I stopped caring. Perhaps that will end up being my demise.

Zero's birthday party was amazing. Is amazing.

I think I just made the best pecan pie that's ever existed.

Fact.

The Stow Away Carbohydrate.

It's quite common for me to see things that I want to blog about. I want to write about everything, I want to photography and document everything, I want to write.

But, more often than not, I just can't be bothered, or I forget.

I have many random pictures on iPhoto that i've never uploaded and that are just random random, rather than awesome random.

This will be one such picture.



My Mum is away for the summer, my brother is leaving tomorrow and my Sister took him for a walk this evening, so I fired on some pasta for dinner. Exotic for a Sunday. When you cook for yourself the fancy cooking of food sometimes just doesn't inspire and junk food has to do. My junk food is pasta.

So I poured the dehydrated morsels into the pan and lo and behold what would be in the bag of Asda Fusilli (twisted) pasta, but a Tube pasta shape.

Where was he going? What was he doing?

I think he was in love with a twist. Twist and Tube. I think they were part of a tragic love story, then i scalded them, drowned them, and ate them. I hope they merge together in my blood stream and send love to my heomoglobin.

Or perhaps he was the gang leader and the rest of the pasta rebelled against him in pasta factory and threw him in the bag.

Or MAYBE he was killed by the pasta mafia, and thrown in the pasta-equivalent of the Clyde.

Or maybe he just wanted out.

Or maybe he was mentally ill and thought he was a twist.

Of maybe he just wanted to do the twist (the dance; we've already covered love story).

Or maybe he was escaping the pasta factory and thought the twist making machine was a slide.

Or maybe he fell in, while escaping.

Or maybe he was in love with a tube and realised his mistake being a tube himself and had to commit pasta suicide.

Or maybe he was in unrequitted love with a tube. PAH HA.

How many times have we all lived that story minus us being a piece of dehydrated carbohydrate.

Although I think I am quite often a dehydrated carbohydrate in unrequitted love with a tube.

Maybe I was that piece of pasta and maybe I ate myself and now i'm going to dream a dream similar to that scene from Being John Malkovich.



CHAI TEA MAKES MY LIFE HAPPY. FACT.

God Cures.

Just when you thought the Yogi Chai couldn't get any more relevant to my life tonight Chai says:

Herbs Heal,
Doctors Diagnose,
and God Cures.

Yogi... you are mega. You make me happy. Who needs scriptures when there's Yogi teas.

My Life (this week) In Pictures.

Just three.

But this is it.

Awesome Dinner that I made on thursday.



I love vegetarian or rather piscitarian cooking. I love fish. Here we have a foil baked, basil, rosemary and lemon juice basted slice of Cod seasonsed with cracked black pepper and fine sea salt sitting on a bed of brocolli, avacado and courgette - gently roasted in soya and lemon sprinkled with peanuts and sesame seeds, topped with a soft poached egg.

mega.

I made it up... pretty good too :)



This is another addition to the collection. MMMMMMMMMMMS.

On Thursday I met claire for Lunch and on the way back to work I bumped into a Hare Krishna. Now, i've always run for the hills, but this guy was different. we chatted for about 20 minutes and I told him all about my latest essay and how I thought the world was moving in a cirle but the west was on a straight course, so when the world looped we were going to go off into the abyss and have to find our way back.

He couldn't believe how old I was and asked if I was a vegetarian and then asked if I was a piscitarian, and then he asked if I drank milk because that's supposed to have the same amount of vitamins as a steak. Then he told me to go to Indian and experience the small town life; because i had told him all about how I had realised that we aren't meant to be controlled by such a distant government and that, naturally, the human mind can only keep 200 names and faces (thanks Annie) so we should be living in a village scenario.

He told me how cows are worshipped, or at least held in high esteem and appreciated for the blessing they are, in India.

We then exchanged names and on his clip board I realised he had the same birthday as me. We had that link. We were the same person 4 years apart. That was what the connection was. I gave him money for milk.

He also told me that milk, when heated and drunk hot, is really really good because of the way the chemicals rise it's better than drinking cold milk. I told him I drank hot milk all the time, in my cereal and in my chai tea lattes.

He then told me to never put it in the microwave.

I told him how much I envied him and the other monks and that just the day before i Had seen a lady who I had had an encounter with years before (a monk lady) and how I was walking behind her in central station and just envying that I she has enough faith to jack in the world and live her life to teach or to ask for money, because i've never really been taught anything. I wish I had faith like that. Faith enough to believe in the chapter I so desperately love of the book of Mormon. I need more faith.

He told me that I was an inspirational person, and that I shouldn't let the grind get to me. I was telling him how I believed there was more than this, that this is all nonsense. We were standing in the rain near borders with the hussle and bustle of people getting lunch, getting back to work, shopping, going to the bank, living the rat race. I told him there was more than this, I told him, I wanted to write, I told him I wrote as a hobbie, he told me that was impressive and rare. I told him I was a mormon, he told me we were pious people. I made him explain pious. I told him we weren't dissimilar. He told me that someone with a dream, and ambition will more than likely do it when the time is ready. I told him I was getting out of debt then changing the world. He told me I was an inspirational person and that I should be inspiring other people.

I love that i met him, I love that I stopped, I love that I was nice and that I gave him time. Time is all we've got. I love that he's another person I am proud to have met. Like the Londoner who lived in Idaho who was in Isreal and in the wrong aeroplane queue. I love people. Thank you life, thank you people, thank you beautiful world filled with people who still are gems.

I drank some Chai tea that night and the message of the chai was this:



The Yogi Chai Never lies.

I'm going to drink some right now.

The Distant Future The Year 3000

I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

I'm also downright amazed at how much rubbish one person can accumulate.

In my mind, in my life, and in the bin next to the cupboard in the kitchen.

The Summer migration is occuring for the most part of my family and I will soon be alone in the house, something I look forward to. I love living alone, well with Zero, but she doesn't count because she's far too furry.

I threw out rubbish today and there was a lot of it, and I'm pretty sure I didn't use that much stuff in the past couple of days. Anyway, that's besides the point. I started gutting my bedroom.

Because i've been living home and away for the past seven years. SEVEN YEARS. I have no place to actually put anything. The bedroom in my Mother's flat/house/council abode is the one I had when I was a child. So there are kids books and toys, and the old family computer in the background. It's a bit of a disaster to tell you the truth.

But mix all that up with the undergrad memorabilia, portfolios and furniture, and then throw some master of design research on top of that and you pretty much get a kitsch-y looking room from the 90s.

That's what i'm living in.

The past few days have been quite strange for me and I've not felt the over-whelming desire to be out of here, out of Glasgow, out of Scotland this strongly before.

I'm not sure what I'm doing or where I'm going. I'm sitting waiting just now. Waiting for Fabrica to get back to me. But if I sincerly had my way, I would just leave and go set up somewhere else.

I have no immediate future in this country, and that saddens me slightly, but I just want to be out there doing something rather than here doing nothing. Because all I do just now is work, come home and eat food. There is no motivation and drive to write, or design my own stuff. But I love working because it gives me purpose and helps pay back my debts (which is still goal number one for this year - no more debt).

But here's another thought of thoughts, what do people look like in their homes.

I can often be found running to the bin along the varanda from my house in pyjamas, or fleece trousers, or baggy baggy jumpers with strange hair accessories (to keep the fringe out my face). I would love to see what people look like in their homes. What old attire they through on. When i'm working from home I don't wear Pyjamas, I put on my old Swimming and Water Polo T-shirt with my Smashing Pumpkins Hoodie. I always tend to have smeared mascara and eye-liner purely because I can't be bothered taking it off until it's bed time, and if i'd had a cheeky wee nap in the interim then it's more than likely all over my face (make up that is, not interim).

I was looking up tickets on ebay for the Olympics. Just checking out the feasibility. I've never felt the desire to be at the Olympics this stongly before. I found totally cheap flights as well, and partially cheap accomodation, and I just think it might be one of those historic events that if I don't go to I might regret. There will be riots and protests and I would love to be there with my camera and moleskine notebook (how cliche) writing it all down and documenting it. I hate that sports and politics must mix, but it seems inevitatble in this case.

And, I don't know if 1. I can wait 4 years until the next, or 2. I can be bothered going to London. It's London. I've been there loads. I'll probably be there again before the summer's out.

So, Beijing 08 might be a possibility. I need to think about it seriously. If I don't go I might go to Barcelona for my birthday. I've always wanted to go to Spain.

At church today, which I slept in for, I spent some time talking to Donna. The Donna, oh the Donna. Which was awesome. Toni leaves for the States tomorrow, and the sun has not been out in days. The sky is so gloomy and miserable I hate it. It makes everything seem so hopeless.

I'm so troubled in my mind just now, and I just keep having crazy dreams. I'm not sure what to do, where to go, or what my options should be or are.

I was thinking about teaching English in Thailand or Japan. Japan would be immense, but i've actually dreamed of the first time I'm in Japan being with a future intended husband. But perhaps I should start listening to sister Lund and start living my life and getting on with things and put men behind me - like I once did. Although the time before was a bit of a detox, I always knew I would get back on them again. This time I should go to the MA clinic and say I am Vikki Miller and I am an Addict. I am an addict.

It's totally true. There should be a clinic for addicts of everything. That would be me. Addicted to E V E R Y THING.

That's why there's a V in the word.

Ramble Ramble.

Jack Black's Lips.

I'm sure are amazing, but I heard the sounds that roll from his lips as i watched a giant Panda perform Kung Fu on the screen.

Jack Black's lips are so talented at making me laugh that I can't control myself.

Jack Black is pretty much immense in general, he makes my sides split with his non-sensicle words and adlibbing talents.

The entire time I sat watching Kung-Fu Panda and all I could think about was Keanu Reeves and his 'I know Kung-Fu' but I think there's a robot chicken episode, or family guy, or southpark that takes the mick out of it, because I hear it in a much higher pitch.



Also, on the note of Kung Fu Panda, I wish I could do kung fu, and I wish I was a bad ass leopard (that's leo-pard).

60 years of the NHS

I watched a man on the news earlier talk about how the NHS can be improved and should be improved without anyone making a profit.

He was talking about how US companies are trying to achieve financial gain from our Health System.

Yes, it's not perfect, yes it's not amazing, yes we have to wait for ages, but it's the best system. Why should someone's life be held for ransom.

I also remember having a lecture last year that made me think for a while. The idea was suggested that back in the day we all used to go to public baths to clean ourselves, but now we are able to keep ourselves clean in our own homes.

The same could be said of health care, or rather, should be said of health care. We should be able to take care of ourselves within our own homes rather than going to the doctor over the slightest thing.

Just a thought.

And P.S. back of American capitalists. Pah.

Angelina Jolie's Lips.

Are amazing.

Last night I watched Wanted. I salute you James McIvoy, but I do not salute your american accent. Although it's better than my American accent.

For a lot of the movie I kept thinking, 'you're lying, you don't sound like that.' He actually sounded Irish for some of it, or like a Boston Irish/American local.

All in all though, I was actually presently surprised by the content of the movie, the story line had a lot of fighting but it was not 100% as cliche as you first expect it to be.

It was actually quite good, and the kind of thing I might watch again on a late night when it's on the TV or in someone elses DVD collection.

James McIvoy though, I'm so impressed with how well he is doing in life, and what a good actor he is - regardless of accent.

It makes me proud to be affiliated with the country he is from.

Anyway, High Five for the awesome movie.

In The Town Where I Was Born.

... Lived a man who sailed the sea.

First and foremost I would like to clarify that in the ultimate question and battle of the Stones and the Beatles I will always side with the Stones. But the Beatles do have some mega songs.

Secondly what's the difference between beetle and beatle.

Thirdly I went to the dentist today and I am ALL about the Oral Hygene. In fact, i'm pretty sure, people call me Oral Hygene Miller behind my back. He said 'you make my job easy. No need to scale and polish today because there's no tartar.' (I don't need to dip my fish sticks in.)

In order to get to the dentist, however, a journey South of the River is involved. (There are two trees involved.)

If going from my current place of residence; walking, a ferry, a bus, and more walking used to be involved; or two trains. Going from my current place of working it's one train then two trains home.

This is of course pre-car times we're talking.

But I went from work, so I didn't have my car. That and the MOT ran out sometime in the twenty-somethings of June. So if I drive it I technically have no insurance. GASP.

Every six months I end up back in the town where I was born, purely to go to the dentist. I'm serious about my mouth and I do go for check ups FACT.

Back in the 80s (when we moved to the North side of the river Clyde) there was a massive dentist scare. There were malpracticing dentists and people dying or something like that. I was only six at the time so I don't really recall. My Mum, having just spent 8 months in a women's aide with my sister and I, and before that having to go through the process of leaving and divorcing the Man that helped spawn me, wasn't really up for hunting for a legitamite dentist. That and she's irish, so laid back and just Irish.

So we stayed with the same dentist. Over the years it went from Dr Brolly (Ginger) to Dr Baird (Ginger) to Dr McAllister (ex-Dundee graduate). I had my fischer seal done there, my moulds done for the orthodontist and my top 4s removed so my teeth could be the pinnacle of straightness they are today. It's an okay place and practice and it's always entertaining to go to Paisley again.

The more I travel and live the smaller familiar places become to me.

Today Paisley felt tiny. Well, because it is.

Let's start the journey though.



El Train Tickets made just for me.



There's a train that leaves for Paisley about every 10 minutes. The next one happened to be from Platform 11.



This is Paisley Gilmour Street - the Railway station.



I remember many nights playing under this bridge waiting for the bus to take us to the ferry. Once my parentals split my Dad had joint custard-y of one weekend every two weeks. That didn't last long. So this was where we would get the bus back to the ferry, to go home.



I remember walking past this square thing with my Mum many times, on one particular time I remember having a My Little Pony that had just been bought for me and I opened it here under the statue of Queen Victoria.



The statue of Queen Victoria.



I was looking out at this river today and I wondered why it didn't bring back too many memories, then I lowered my eyes and remembered a lot more. This is the world from a six year old Vikki perspective.



Back in the day this used to be an open shopping precinct which I always thought was called the plaza, turns out it's the piazza. Hmmm. I remember standing outside here with my mum on a cold Sunday night waiting for my Dad to bring Lola back (as I said, the joint custody thing didn't last long for me).



I used to go Highland Dancing here. I'm sure it was here. I used to love it. I still have the little kilt and vest outfit. SO CUTE. I would have kept going if it wasn't for the move North. I remember a competition I was once at and I danced and I was given a 1st place trophy. I thought I won, but years later (like last year) I realised that everyone was probably given one of those trophies haha - we were 4 years old.



Paisley Cr-Abbey. This reminds me of my Gran for some reason.



Arnotts. This reminds me of my Gran too. She would always go for her tea and cake here. In my later years I bought my tank girl jump suit made by Miss Sixty for 10 spot here (reduced from 120 spot).



This used to be a Green Grocers and my Mum and I would oft frequent it. It was in this shop that I said the immortal phrase of 'We need to get some dry banana and some wet banana'. My Mum laughed and that was where my humour was born. I knew what I was saying, I knew it would be funny.



This is where my Grandma slipped and broke her hip. Post-move to the North-side.



This is where I learned to swim. The Paisley Lagoon centre. I was taught by a man named... I've forgotten his name. It might come back to me. He was just a man, that liked to swim, and he would be in the pool the same time as me sometimes. He was not a peadophile, he was just a friendly nice man, and he was my friend and he helped me to gain confidence in the water and essentially learn to swim. Thank you man.



This is the school I would have gone to if I had stayed. This is where Kim Gordon and Dahryl Spears would have ended up. Where ever they may be now. I found Kim on MySpace once, and that was the end of that. Mystery solved. Social networking online is not natural it interferes with a natural balance, order and development of society - perhaps. Where are you Dahryl - my first kiss and love, technically.



Le Grammar school. And it smelled like dog's dirt, purely because there was a lot of it all over the pavement outside the school. Oddly enough I remember that road ALWAYS having dogs dirt all over it. It smells so bad.



The wall I used to walk along while holding my Mum's hand.



The Protestant church steeple, while we went to that church I always remember hearing about how the steeple was falling down. They finally got it fixed, and put a metal replacement on.



Protestant church, where I was Christened.



When someone says the word church this is always where I visualise. The door was never red when I went there. I remember we used to go on bus trips from outside this church and we would have paper streamers to throw out the windows while we travelled.



It was on these paving stones that I fell and smacked my nut and had to go to hospital to have my head x-rayed. I was chasing a little cut-out and coloured-in paper shepherd or John the Baptist or something, and I would let it blow then catch it again, and on the last time I let it go I fell and nutted the cement. That's why it was the last time. The paper John or Shepherd never came back either.



The dentist (which is next door to the church).



How much of an awesome house is this. I love this dentist. See why I won't change.



I should add that all these things are on the one street one after the other, one street of memories that takes about 6 minutes to walk along.

Around the corner from this street is my old primary school that I started going to almost 20 years ago. TWENTY YEARS AGO I went here. TWENTY YEARS. TWENTY YEARS.

TWENTY



My Primary School. I was only here for a year and a half before I went to Garscadden. Still. Twenty years ago this August.



To the left is the door we would go in. The middle is a wall we would play Polio, or mother May I or What's The Time Mr Wolf beside. And down the side of the school is the corner where I saw a random boy and said 'Blame it on Him' after I smacked a stone off my friend Laura's head and made her bleed. She did not blame it on that boy and I got shouted at.

We were throwing stones in a puddle in the playground around the back and when she went to get her stone from the puddle I thew mine and smacked her in the Loaf of Bread.



I used to watch this piece of path like a Hawk when school was finished because I would see my Mum's curly hair bouncing as she walked to pick me up. I also remember walking with my Mum on this path a lot.



This is the fence on that path that Lola cut her hand on. The story goes :D that she would always walk home on her own or with friends because she was too cool to be seen with her Mum or little sister. She would get home though and no one would be in because my Mum would be picking me up. It's all part of Lola's competative 'I won, I got here first' streak too. There was one incident that Lola actually wet herself while waiting for Mum and I to walk home.

And on the day she cut her hand we could hear her crying at the top of the stairs as we walked in the close door. My Mum said 'Lola's wet herself again' as it turned out she had sliced her hand open on that fence and we had to go to hospital with her.

That close (which I don't have a picture of) is also where I fell down and hit my head and everyone thought I was dead. I wish I had gone inside.



Howard Street. Where I was sprouted.



This is the street that I would ride my Tricycle on, that I would rub Walter's cat on, that I would run and play on. There was a girl a close down from ours that would eat Tomato Sauce Sandwiches, and a family opposite that would look after us and give us biscuits. Denise. And there were other happy playing kids and a girl that borrowed my doll and took his reusable nappy and gave me a disposable one instead. Cheek.



This door and the flat to the left is where my first affiliation and love for cats began. Walter lived in the bottom left flat. I do not remember Walter but I remember his cat and it would sit outside the window and I only ever knew it was Walter's cat. I loved that cat and it scratched me and almost took my eye out and I still loved it regardless.



This is our flat the one at the top with the white frame, the bay window and the rectangle one without the sign on it. I think. Our Christmas tree would sit in that window. I think toys were flung out that window. Inside that flat though. I remember birthdays, bed wetting, sleeping, eating, breakfast, television, Mum, Dad, Sister, friends, Uncles, Aunts, Kate, Grandma, Pairs, The Bill, Neighbours, oranges in stockings, pink jackets, presents, Christmas, knives, cookers, fridges, toy boxes, toys in general, bunk beds (which I still sleep in), and my baby blanket, the spirit level, the hedgehogs and rabbits, and walking in on my dad on the toilet.

The flat to the left of ours had cats in it too. We would look after them sometimes. This is where the cat loving came from.



Number Seven Howard Street. The door was never blue when I lived there. That was the door that I jammed my finger in when I was three years old and my Mum was putting stuff in the bin and she kept trying to shut the door and I was crying and she thought it was because she had left me alone but it was because my finger was shut in it and she kept trying to shut the door but it wouldn't shut. Then we all realised something was wrong. Ha.


This is a chanky looking train seat which has nothing to do with Paisley but it reminds me of getting the train a lot in the 90s.



Star Me Kitten.

And that's my cheeky wee trip down the Paisley memory lane.

I've driven past these places on my six monthly trips to the dentist but I've never taken the time to think or remember anything about them. I'm glad that I walked today. All be it I got soaked.